This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #54

May 13, 2011


I’m eating a muffin! So this could be classified as the greatest Friday ever. That’s just how good muffins are.

I have two topics I would like to cover outside of the muffin greatness update:



2. Go see Bridesmaids.

The question…

Would you prefer to be indistructable like Terminator or a immortal and fast regenerator like Claire from Heroes ?

Technically, as you know, both the Terminator and Claire from Heores can be killed. Destroy or remove the power source in the chest of the Terminator. From Claire you have basically cut her head off because you need to stop the brain signals from reaching other parts of her body or something. I remember there was that one episode where she got a chunk of glass or something stunk in one section of her head – I think in the back of the head in the neck region – and that kept her dead until someone removed it. Nevertheless, would I rather be the T-800 killing machine with an exoskeleton human flesh like appearance… or would I want to have regenerative mutant superhuman abilities like Claire from Heroes?

Easy, Claire from Heroes.

That’s the short answer. The long answer will be provided in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

Being the Terminator would be cool because you’re just a destructive force who feels no pain. Unimaginable power, stamina, strength, as well as the computer brain with the red eyes that can scan everything. That would be bad ass. It would be fun to walk into a bar and beat up everyone in the mean time allowing them to try and beat me up with guns, baseball bats and so forth, but nothing hurts me. That’s would be a dream come true.

But… I’m a robot.

I don’t want to be a robot.

I want to be human.

Now, one can say that Edward Furlong – John Connor – helped teach the Terminator “feelings” and “human concepts”, but lets get to brass tacks here:

Does the Terminator have sex?

I’m saying no. I’m saying hell no. Even if the Terminator is taught how to kiss or that he is supposed to enjoy lap dances, I doubt the Terminator will ever fully enjoy the human experience like I as a human do.

The Terminator could never enjoy this muffin like I am doing so right now.

The Terminator also doesn’t have sex as mentioned which is really just an unlivable life. The Terminator can’t even jerk off like a Priest. You know? That’s some weird Hell right there. What’s the point of having all those muscles if I can’t use them to pick up slutty club girls at a bar and have sex with them? Seriously! That would be like some crazy Twilight Zone episode. You have a perfectly muscular physique, but you can’t have the only reward that that offers you in life and that is chicks – chicks who like big muscular guys (all of them) and will have sex with them regardless of how idiotic they are or how misogynist they are.

Meanwhile, in the other scenario I would be human and sure I could still feel pain, but I could also still feel pleasure. Plus it would open doors like never been scared about asphyxiating myself during masturbation with the belt around my neck. Normal everyday problems like that would be gonezo.

Claire from Heroes. Final answer.

Thank you for the question. Please ask many more.



Go see it.

I haven’t seen it. But I will today.

I’m guessing it is good. It can’t be that bad. I did just see Thor. Can’t be worse than that.

Plus you need to support movies like this with chicks in it. You gotta do it. They don’t come around that often. Chicks movies usually are not R rated comedies that look funny. Instead, they’re usually some “romantic” depresser like Letters to Juliet.

Support these ladies! Support their funny mouths and their pretty boobs because if you don’t then there won’t be any more of them and that is a hell as similar as the no sex, but a body full of muscles hell.




One Response to “This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #54”

  1. Nikki said

    Logical and well thought out reasoning. As always.

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