This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #56

July 8, 2011





And this means tomorrow is the weekend and yesterday was Thursday and all of that.

It’s supposed to rain today. Like everyday. What the hell, global warming?!

Yesterday, everything was going ok. It was hot as balls. The hottest balls. Big sweltering nut sacks of heat dangling over every inch of you. And then around 3 or so I heard thunder. Thunder? Thunder! The stuff that goes chasodihtkasdjfijtoijlkewjasrrghghghghasdfjk.asdjfhgh and there is that flash of white light that usually comes before it. But I didn’t see lightning or couldn’t see lightning because it was sunny as shit. When the hell is there lightning when the sun is out?

Anyway, I heard thunder. Ten minutes later – more thunder. It’s still sunny out and no rain, but I can sense it. At this point, the past two summers have been so rainy that I’ve become well adept at sensing the weather changing. The change in wind, the change in smell et cetera. It’s like I’m a damn sea captain or forest ranger. I can feel it in my old bones.

I had my gi – my brazilian jiu-jitsu gi outside drying in that sunlight. I ran outside. Got the gi. Brought it inside. And about 10 minutes later there was a FIRE FIGHT!

Actually, it was a thunderstorm. A crazy Noah’s Ark “I want to drown all of you, but 2 of your kind!” type of thunderstorm.

Streets flooded and such.

Today has that same feeling. It was hot this morning. The sun is kind of in retreat right now. It’s humid as shit. But it’s starting to get cool and I can feel it creeping over the horizon. THE RAINS!

Eh, whatever.

I hope everyone else is having a more interesting week than I am. I’ve been reading the third book of the A Song of Ice and Fire. I’m more than halfway through it at this point. I’ve got this one then the next one and then the new one drops on Tuesday I believe. Plus this asshat George RR Martin still needs to write books 6 and 7. That’s really all I’ve been up to. I went BJJ class yesterday and today and I feet like poop. My forearms are tired and my neck feels strained my body feels like it has been scrubbed from head to toe with a bristly horse brush. But they were good classes.

A couple of the higher ups were talking some gossip about how a couple of high school kids who wrestle had started taking classes and were going all out like they were trying to hurt people. So they roughed up the kids when they rolled with them to teach them a lesson. One of the kids quit. Honestly, I think that’s great. Not that the instructor should be applauded, but he shouldn’t be punished. There may have been a better way to have handled the situation, but sometimes the best way to deal with a bully, especially a bully who is a stranger, is to bully him back in a sense. They might not listen to reason if they don’t know you and have no respect for what you say. I guess I wasn’t there for when this all happened, but I do remember the kid and I had noticed he hadn’t been around. Whatever. His loss that he doesn’t know how to play nice with others.

I looked at the news and there really isn’t any “news” that is all that happy.

I did see Megan Fox posted some pictures on her Facebook page to prove she hasn’t been doing Botox. I think that’s hysterical of her to do that. Also, I’m glad other people brought that up. She has a new set of pictures for Armani and her forehead looks so smooth that it does look Botoxed…

I thought the same thing when I looked at the pictures.

Also, I thought that these pictures suck. Some big company like Armani hires some famous photographer who probably costs a truck load and then they hire Megan Fox to be hot and then this guy takes all these whacky pictures of her. The paparazzi takes better pictures of her when they stalk her to a Starbucks. I don’t get these photoshoots. Also, what’s the point? Oh they hired Megan Fox to look pretty? Oh that must be tough. Let’s get a chick who is pretty… then let’s hire a master photographer with all his lighting, make-up artists, and HD cameras et cetera. Then let’s photoshop the shit out of it. Why? What’s the point of this? If you’re hiring a hot chick then just take her picture with a disposable camera and boom – there you go.

If you hired an ugly chick, some really under the bridge dwelling cave troll. Get her the fancy photographer, the make-up artists, some famous fashion designer to tailor clothes to her hunchback and so on. Then you take the pictures and then you photoshop the shit out of them to make that Orc look like Brooklyn Decker. Doesn’t that make more sense?

If I was doing a photoshoot for Sports Illustrated. I would go real bare bones. Camera? My iPhone. Setting? Where ever? Newark Airport for all I care. A rest stop on the New Jersey Turnpike. Who cares?! Then what is the hot ass model wearing? Pretty much underwear. A bikini is underwear. Something like that. Or start with jeans and a t-shirt and then work your way down to the bikini or undies. Who cares? They’re models! How can you miss?! It’s like bumper bowling. How can you give a photographer any credit for making Irina Shayk look good.

So the photographer did this?

He put a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model in a bra and took a picture of her.

That’s talent.

Hey lady, take your top off and let me snap a couple of photos.

If that photographer could do the same with…

Nancy Grace… then that would be talent.

You know?

Nothing against Nancy, but I’m pretty sure it would be a tad more difficult to get her the front cover the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition than it would be for Megan Fox or Irina.


Nancy Grace – 2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model… front cover.

I think that about does it.

Started with rain.

Ended with Headline News correspondent Nancy Grace in a bikini.

Go see Horrible Bosses!

Have a great weekend!



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