Kristen Stewart Does A Magic Trick… with her BOOBS

August 1, 2011

Happy Monday!

I hope you had a great weekend. A weekend full of laughs, good times, peanut butter and if you’re allergic to peanut butter then I hope this weekend you have made great strides in figuring out a cure to that horrible disease because peanut butter is so good. It’s so good it’s like it’s chicken fingers. You know?

Today, this beautiful Monday, is a picture post and this picture post will be what the title suggests…

A MAGIC TRICK…

by

KRISTEN STEWART!!!

 

Hmmmmmm… that’s pretty far away.

So far away it is pretty difficult to tell what this voyeur was even masturbating about while taking these pictures.

Can you see the neon green isosceles triangles? Those are Kristen Stewart’s boobs.

See?

Keep an eye on Kristen Stewart’s boobs because they will come into play later… or always. Kristen’s boobs are always apart of the conversation, no matter the conversation.

Kristen Stewart’s a happy camper strutting around in her neon green bikini with all these lecherous old men pretending to fix camera rigs around her.

Anyway, Kristen Stewart is getting ready to do a magic trick for all these people including you and me. It’s a good one.

But first… why a neon green bikini?

 

Per usual, I have no idea what movie this is that Kristen Stewart is filming.

She’s somehow in every movie and not in any movies I know about. Plus it doesn’t help on Twitter that everyone abbreviates the titles of these movies. Up until yesterday, I literally thought Kristen Stewart was in a movie called “Swath”. What is Swath? Who knows? Could be about anything. Oh wait… Snow White and the Huntsmen. Right. SWATH. Hmmmm… now that is a part of my brain I’ll never retain again for a sensible purpose. SWATH will be stuck in there forever.

Speaking of Twitter… Cowboys & Aliens has been trending for 3 days now, but it made less than $40 million at the box office and it was PG-13 and that means that there is some group of interns being paid to tweet non-stop from a million different dummy accounts about Cowboys & Aliens, because no one else cares about it.

I saw it.

It was meh.

It was meh mixed with bland. It was a bland meh.

It was like when you’re at a barbecue and you’re hungry, but you don’t feel like asking anyone if there are any more hot dogs or hamburgers available to be cooked up and then you don’t feel like making them and you just want something to fill up your stomach to soak up all this Bud Light, so you eat a hamburger bun. Just a plain hamburger bun. Nothing on it. That’s what Cowboys & Aliens is.

Are you guys ready for the magic trick?

Good because it already has begun.

The first part of the trick was for you to get ensnared by Kristen Stewart’s aura. Now, she has you. Her neon green bikini boobs have you. Next is to drag you even deeper down the rabbit hole…

 

Kristen Stewart’s butt!

Let it suck you in.

Let it become your world.

Let it negate all your senses minus sight.

Don’t worry blind people can also sense Kristen Stewart’s butt like a dolphin would underwater with this thing called touching it with their nose. Yeah, blind people just touch things and are like “I’m blind”. Hey, lady can I touch your face. Oh that’s nice. I’m going to have to touch your boobs, waist, belly button and butt to really get a good look at you. 36 C? Yeah, I don’t know what that means in my blind world. I’M BLIND! Just let me touch your boobs and I’ll understand what you look like.

 

Are you fully enveloped by the existence of Kristen Stewart’s butt?

It is a peaceful society that worship the butt. The butt of the chosen one.

As Kristen turns and raises her head and eyes towards the Lord, we all turn and fixate our gaze on Kristen’s rump. On top of the mountain as Kristen communicates with the end of the universe we stare upwards, longingly, in wonderment at Kristen’s butt.

And now… now… you are ready. You are fully pulled into the super natural powers of Kristen Stewart’s butt.

Here is the PRESTIGE!

 

TA-DA!

Kristen Stewart’s boobs can hold up her bikini top on with no straps. INCREDIBLE!

How does she do it!?!?!?!

Kristen Stewart’s boobs are defying gravity. By all laws of man and God and physics, that bikini top should have fallen to the Earth. But no! Kristen Stewart has defeated those laws! Kristen Stewart’s boobs have defeated the force of =9.8 m/s^2.

 

IT’S A MIRACLE!!!

AHAHAHAHAH!!! SHE’S DONE IT! THE WANT HAS DONE IT!

ANOTHER MIRACLE FROM THE WANT!!!!

WHY ARE WE SO FORTUNATE TO LIVE IN HER MORTAL LIFE TIME????!!!!!??!?!

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

MINE EYES HAVE SEEN THE GLORY OF THE COMING OF THE LORD!!

SHE (Kristen Stewart) IS TRAMPLING OUT THE VINTAGE WHERE THE GRAPES OF WRATH ARE STORED!!!

HE HATH LOOSED THE FATEFUL LIGHTNING OF HER (Kristen Stewart’s) TERRIBLE SWIFT SWORD!!!

HER (Kristen Stewart’s) TRUTH IS MARCHING ON!!!!

GLORY! GLORY! HALLELUJAH!!!!! GLORY! GLORY! HALLELUJAH!!!!

GLORY! GLORY! HALLELUJAH!!!! HER (Kristen Stewart’s) TRUTH IS MARCHING ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY MONDAY!!!!!!!

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10 Responses to “Kristen Stewart Does A Magic Trick… with her BOOBS”

  1. PWG said

    This post might’ve worked more for me if I could’ve seen any of the pictures. And lest you doubt my effing commitment, I tried it on Internet Explorer, Firefox and Safari.

    • PWG said

      And Atomic. At this point, I’m probably better off Googling “pictures of Kristen Stewart in green bikini”, aren’t I? But I’m not going to do that, because I’m not a creepster.

      Obviously coming to this site many weekdays between noon and 5:00 p.m. and happening upon pictures of KS in various states of bear tanks and red carpet micro dresses and swimwear is more like an off-label usage of her likeness.

      • kristenstewartwantsit said

        Errrr… uhhhh… well I guess they should be working now.

        I could always see them. My computer must just be smarter than other computers.

  2. GEORGE BUSH!!!!!!! said

    if i’m an intern at one of these movie shoots, i’m a fucking milliona’re because im creepin around, takin pics of stewz titz, usin mad Z”z, and then sellin them to all the magz for that cheez.

  3. Nix said

    You know, with that particular talent, its a shame she’s stuck making movies. Surely that amazing gift could, like, solve the problem of world hunger or something…?

  4. Brahim said

    If Agata Kristy make it as that most judge woman by the face . Ms
    Kristen Stewart is judged by the boobs . Yet there is more left to take for granted !! Talent ; Character ; & much muchmore ..

  5. Dizzy said

    Oh noooooo…….She’s unbeatable now with the power of the want, boobs and butt. And i’m just green with ENVY.

  6. BOOBS AND BUTTS! This is pretty much DICKS’ bat signal…

    I’m assuming the bikini is neon green because they’re going to green-screen it away in yet ANOTHER magic trick and she’s going to be straight magic nekkid. MAGIC! Which is the same as science, per Thor. So… SCIENCE!

    Or maybe it’s not magic at all but just sticky nips. Ewwww. Unclean.

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