This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #Hurricanocalypse

August 26, 2011

I’m thinking you pronounce that… hurry-can-ock-alypse.

That makes sense, right?

What the hell is going on? A damn earthquake and now a hurricane. Seriously, I live in the North East because we were the smart ones that got away from all that other bullshit. Sure, most of our land is swamp lands, which leads to shitty humidity and we’re so far North that we do get hit with a lot of snow.

But, ecologically speaking, we’re in the middle ground of sanity.

We don’t get hit on a regular basis with feet upon feet of snow. Every few years we get decked with snow, but not all the time like Canada. And sure we have some North Easters storms and thunder storms in general, but never this bs. We’ve been hit by tornadoes, but none that could lift a cow like in twister. Or at least not regularly or even occasionally.

This shit is so not straight. I’m anti-Irene. Come on, Irene! Seriously, come on!

How many people have made that joke? Come on, Irene? It’s the perfect song for a bukkake video and for this hurricane.

I am hoping for the best and kind of expecting it too. I’ve never boarded up windows and for better or for worse, I’m not planning on doing it. I do have plenty of groceries and about 8 River Horse pumpkin beers and a case of Kona Fire Rock pale ales, which is a Hawaiian beer I decided to take a gamble on. I’m all for America, even the islands so far west they might as well be Fiji.

If we all survive this hurricane apocalypse combo, may I suggest that you begin each and every day with “Rumours” by Fleetwood Mac. I do. I wake up and eat something like a peanut butter sandwich and coffee. I grab my martial arts pajamas and I get into my car to drive to BJJ class. I have “Rumours” waiting for me. The album itself is only like 39 minutes long, but I don’t listen to it from start to finish. I’ll skip around. I usually start at “Second Hand News” and by the time Lindsey sings about laying you down in the tall grass and letting him do his stuff, I’m already happy I’m awake. I jump to “Go Your Own Way” and I’m honestly set for anything. (all nice) You can go your own waaaayyyyyy (not nice) GO YOUR OWN WAY!!!! I might move ahead to “I Don’t Want To Know” then I could skip back to “Never Going Back Again” – it really just depends on how much time I have and how crazy I want to get because it gets me shaking in all the right and wrong places.

If you’re wondering to yourself – Jordan… KSWI Jordan… Kay-Swidge-Izzle… my favorite person on the internet… – you have not mentioned “The Chain”. Where is “The Chain”?






It’s my favorite fucking song. The thing is, I have to listen to it from beginning to end. Nothing can interrupt it. I generally save it for the ride home because that is when I’m exhausted and need it the most. It’s therapeutic, it’s cathartic, it’s sexual, it’s violent, it gets weird on the ride back.

So… I hope we all survive the hurricane, so you all can start off your Monday like I do and then your Tuesday and so forth until we get to Wednesday followed by Thursday and then we’re back to Friday and then you can listen to some Tupac or whatever you listen to on Fridays.

With that… just remember you may be small life form in comparison to this big hurricane, but if you want IT more then you’ll get the better of it.

That hurricane doesn’t got shit on this.

I hope you all have a great weekend and survive whatever we have to survive.

I hope to hear only about bright sunshine and booze soaked livers come Monday.

I hope you have a great day, weekend, life as always.

I root for us all.


3 Responses to “This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #Hurricanocalypse”

  1. Nix said

    OMG. The Chain. Now I have to listen to it. Possibly on repeat. I had it as a ringtone. Tooooootally relaxed everytime the phone rang. Also never really answered the phone cause I had to hear THE CHAIN.

  2. Nix said

    OMG. The Chain. Now I have to listen to it. Possibly on repeat. I had it as a ringtone. Tooooootally relaxed everytime the phone rang. Also never really answered the phone cause I had to hear THE CHAIN.

    Also, stay safe what with impending hurricane of doom & 80’s music. But you are sorted with the beverages so you’ll be fine.

  3. Nix said

    Oops… Reply fail… My bad.

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