This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #61

September 23, 2011

Happy FRIDAY!!!!!

Well, this week has been rather… girly.

Monday – I wrote about the Emmys. Or should I say I talked about the Emmys “red carpet”. Or should I say even further that I posted an ass ton of pictures of chick celebrities who all looked like they were in the big scene from Pretty Woman and talked uncomfortably about me possibly having sex with them in my brain. And I posted a picture of Seal. We all won on Monday.

Tuesday – I posted an smaller ass ton of pictures from my recent trip to Chicago. I talked about some of the buildings and I talked about other stuff. I can’t remember what, but I’m sure it was magical and wonderful and it made you fall in love with me all over again like every FRICKIN’ day. Also, there was a picture of giant peanut butter and jelly sandwich cake. We all won on Tuesday

Wednesday – I wrote a personal response to resident female comedian of the moment Whitney Cummings and her television show. I wrote that the show would be unfunny even though I hadn’t seen a full episode. I was merely judging by the commercials. I judged pretty correctly I may add. There were a few people on the show I recognized outside of the show and then I read some tweet someone wrote, but not all of it (jeez, I’m supposed to read ALL 140 characters… pfffttt) saying Ken Marino is on the show or was just brought on to the show or hopefully is taking over the show. I don’t know. I love Ken Marino though. He can only make the show better. I did watch the show last night, Whitney. I didn’t care for it. It wasn’t as off-putting like some other shows I’ve seen, but it wasn’t particularly good. It was too lovey-dovey and too awww schucks. I thought we moved past this as a people. It came off even worse after watching Community, which is so ahead of the curve … followed by Parks and Rec, which is simply the best … followed by The Office, which is a stalwart and did well again last night with the re-invention of the show. Then there was Whitney, which seemed like a weird throwback to all those horrible shows that stand-up comics got. So I predicted the future correctly. We all won on Wednesday.

Thursday – It was about Kristen Stewart and there were pictures of Kristen Stewart wanting IT, so EVERYONE FUCKING WON ON THURSDAY…

Now, it’s Friday.

Friday – I want to talk for a minute about the UFC and Saul Williams. I win on Friday. You will win to if you just open up your heart and mind and maybe your pants to me and these black gentlemen I’m going to talk about.

This Saturday night… on pay per view… the UFC is having an event in Denver, Colorado with the numeration 135.

The main event… the fight we’ve all been waiting for… a title fight… for the UFC light-heavyweight championship belt…


will challenge the current champion…


And I will watch very happily.

Here is a particular promo for the fight that should get you into the spirit as well introduce you to these two athletes…


The fighters themselves are particularly appealing, but even more so that FUCKING SONG.

The song is “List of Demands” by Saul Williams. It is one of my favorite songs and that song makes me want to burn houses down and smash these chains of bondage (if I have any) that hold me down to tiny tiny tiny pieces.

You may also remember this song used in another great set of commercials from Nike a few years ago…

“My better is better”…

Anyway, I have high hopes for this fight.

I like Jon Jones.

I think he is a phenomenal fighter and he is the evolution of MMA.


I love Rampage.

I have been a fan of his for years now and I would love to see him win, as always, but also solidify his legacy as one of the greatest by becoming a 2x UFC light-heavyweight champion. To do so, Rampage will have to beat the so far unbeatable Mr. Jones.

I’m rooting for Rampage. And I’m rooting for a good fight. If I had to put money down then I would put my money on Jones because he has shown little trouble dispatching his opponents and is only getting better. But again, I’m rooting for Rampage for using his strength, experience and overall badassness.

Either way, UFC fights on a Saturday night is always a win for me.


I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

A weekend of myrth.

A weekend of friendship.

A weekend of consensual sex.

A weekend of half naked men trying to beat each other bloody in an eight sided cage.

Have a great weekend.

I love you?


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