KSWI Celebrates Hispanic Heritage Month – the only way I know how

September 26, 2011

Pictures of hot ass Hispanic actresses.

That’s right!

Happy Monday!

Happy Monday to you. Happy Monday to me. Happy Monday to America! Happy Monday to North America. Happy Monday to Central America. Happy Monday to South America. Happy Monday to all those happy little islands in between North and South America. Happy Monday to Spain and to Portugal because fundamentally you conquered these Americas at one time, which must have been a lot of work. The languages you brought with you are still spoken to this day by the beautiful people inhabiting much of the land you won from its natives with the help of axes, armor, horses and overall SURPRISE (!) WE’RE KILLING ALL YALL mentality.

First, let’s show off a few fruits of your labor…

Yep, that’s America Ferrera. She even has AMERICA in her name as her name! And she’s legal and isn’t ugly and is actually quite attractive, so fuck off ABC. Go find an ugly chick to be ugly. Let’s give America Ferrera a show on ABC called “Hot Betty who is so hot you would need to give her braces, fake teeth, coke bottle glasses, fuck up her hair, dress her like a fucking fool and make her as dumb as rocks and clumsy to make her not ‘hot’, that’s how hot she is normally”. That’s too long of a show title, so it probably will not happen.

What about…

Holy moly… Paz Vega. You may remember Paz Vega as an angel from your dreams or from the horrible movie Spanglish or maybe from the completely excellent movie Talk to Her. There is this weird thing that happens when I look at Paz Vega… not that you creeps… well that does happen, I mean look at how hot she is… but I mean I think of Penelope Cruz. Sometimes I look at Paz and think I’m looking at Penelope for a moment. A young Penelope Cruz. Hmmmm… isn’t that a beautiful thought? Penelope Cruz… oh wait! PENELOPE CRUZ is Hispanic as well!

Hachi… machi. Let me just say something that may sound terrible at first, but if you really think about it… if I could go back in time and stop the genocidal destruction of South America by the Spanish and Portuguese in the 19th century, but right before I did, someone told me that would mess up the future and in the future there would be no Penelope Cruz and specifically there would be no naked Penelope Cruz as featured most prodigiously in the film Jamon Jamon (yes that does translate to “ham ham”) then I wouldn’t do it. That sounds bad… but you would really need to see that movie. I mean it’s Penelope Cruz… she’s 18… she’s naked… a lot… and she’s having sex with Javier Bardem… a lot. I mean this should easily be the favorite movie of anyone who watches True Blood. By that I mean, it’s trashy, full of nudity, full of sex, little to no storyline, and it’s pretty violent. So… yeah. Hegel was right, everything is working towards the better. Sure 200 million died in South America, but we have Penelope Cruz and that is about all we need.


Penelope has a SISTER!!!! Yes, Monica Cruz. We have both Penelope and Monica Cruz. Good God thank you for the things you do to allow for things like this. THANK YOU! I might not go to a “church”, but it feels like a religious experience to me just perusing the google image results of Penelope and Monica Cruz.

Dios mio and all that.

Thank you.

Bless you.

I love you.

BOOM! Roselyn Sanchez has shown up as the next challenger!

Puerto Rico MOTHERFUCKERS! Can you believe this is real?

I have seen Roselyn in person and she is gorgeous. I think I wrote about this. At first, my animal instincts were turned on and I could smell or sense Roselyn was there before I saw her. It was as if she had illicited a response from deep within my soul, which I did not know could happen. From there, my eyes were transfixed to her and I began to shield myself between her and the rest of the people at the Staples Center in LA that if there was any problem, criminal activity or just overly stressful incident that I would be able to attack and defeat that problem, properly defend Roselyn and also escape unscathed because I was planning our routes out of there as well.

This has to be it, right? There couldn’t be…





FUCK!!!!! FUCK!!!! FUCK!!!!

Sofia Vergara. I mean if a picture says a thousand words then a picture of Sofia Vergara could fill all the pages of Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina… and she would be so much hotter. I mean I don’t remember Anna being a busty Latin who makes me want to punch a hole through a wall each time I see a picture of her.

I mean isn’t this enough for Hispanic Heritage month?

It is, right?

I mean what more do you need?

How greedy could you possibly be?

I mean what on Earth… fuck it!

Michelle… my bell…

Salma… my perfect looking human being-ah…

Eva… You don’t need that weird French freak-ah…

Jordana… lovely Jordana who I think got to skinny for the last Fast and Furious movie-ah…


Zoe… I wish you got all naked in Colombiana and I would have watched it-ee…

Jennifer… You and your big beauty of a booty are now free from the skeevy Anthony… welcome back to my fantasies-fer…

We have to be done soon, right?

There can’t possibly be more!

EVA!!!! … Oh my sweet merciful Lord, EVA!!!!!

Fuck… this is getting unfair.

You know…

I’m just…



concentrating… with words…

what are we talking…




I am… am I still writing? What am I writing about again?

I’m getting light headed. If only I could operate a car, but I don’t think you should operate heavy machinery after looking at pictures of Eva Mendes, Penelope Cruz, Salma Hayek, Sofia Vergara… and…



I blacked out again for a minute. I was starting to remember who I had posted pictures of and in turn thought of them and then started thinking of the others too and the blood in my brain left it and now I’m peeling myself off the floor.

Oh and I almost forgot about a beautiful just gorgeous and sexy woman who was hysterical on East Bound and Down last season… the lovely Ana De La Reguera…


I can’t… even… begin… AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

ahdsoiapfokqwopejqrioqweiofni qewrqjewr3124lskajflaksjdfkasdfk

FUCK!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!


Catch it!

5 Responses to “KSWI Celebrates Hispanic Heritage Month – the only way I know how”

  1. tiffanized said

    I’m impressed. When I first read the title of the post I assumed it would be no words, just one picture of Sofia Vergara’s ass, but you put your very life on the line and posted a lovely Hispanic spectrum for us.

    I’m not one of those white people who try to claim ethnic heritage whilst keeping my feet firmly planted in white privilege, BUT I have a lot of non-European features so I get asked a lot if I’m Latina. So much that I’ve traced my family tree back and found nothing but a bunch of boring white people. I like to think, though, that somewhere back there one of my female ancestors took an Antonio Banderas style LOVAH and that’s why men always want to take me to Mexican restaurants on first dates.

  2. When can we celebrate my people? We blond-haired, blue-eyed Germans will NEVER HAVE OUR DAY.

  3. A cast of blossoming flowers handed down by the brave spaniards;
    No more other riches can out-value this ! they constitute treasure of the Americas in recent time ;

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: