This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #boobs

September 30, 2011

Happy Friday!

and stuff…

I hope you have had an amazing week… even those squirrelly people who are throwing out the cunt word yesterday in the comments section. Jeez, you people. Calm down with that word. It is only supposed to be used at special occasions like when some cunt rear-ends you because she was too busy talking on her cellphone or when you’re watching the Jersey Shore and Snooki won’t stop crying. It’s like give it a rest, cu…. hmmm… maybe I’m saying the word too much. It’s addicting!

Either way, Jionni may be autistic and/or he may need to stop dating a girl who is internationally known as a drunken mess.

Anyway, today’s post.

Well, as you may have noticed the #boobs.

Specifically, we will be talking or really seeing Russian boobs.

I remember reading about this before, but never looking into it. I don’t know why I didn’t because now that I’ve seen it my soul has become infinitely happier about the possibilities of human civilization.

What am I talking about?

Some guy in Russia touched 1000 sets of boobs.


Homer, Aristotle, Einstein… and this fucking guy with the zip-up jacket and the puffed up hair.


The guise is that he shook Vladimir Putin’s hand… and then with that hand he would touch the boobs of the women of the fine country that Putin’s reign over never ceases to end.

Here is the original article I got from earlier this month… to give where credit where credit is due…

Now here is the video…

I have a few comments:

1. It is a long video because grabbing a 1000 boobs takes awhile.

2. I need to get to Russia. Is this how easy it is to grab boobs in Russia? I mean seriously. There are some attractive ladies in this video and there are some severely attractive ladies in this video and there are some average chicks and so on, but either way – they have boobs and this guy touched them. That’s more than can be said by most.

3. I won’t lie, some of these chicks incredibly borderline legal. Most by far most look perfectly legal. But there are a few in there that if they are “legal” then they might be like Georgia legal – if you catch my drift.

4. It is really not gratuitous at all. For the most part, the guy just puts his hands out and lightly cups the boobs for a moment as if he was lightly touching a religious artifact and trying to receive a partial amount of its spiritual power.

5. Leni Riefenstahl – probably the last name you were expecting me to write – yes, the Nazi lover Leni Riefenstahl’s work kind of reminds of this video or really I guess I mean vice versa. Riefenstahl’s “Olympia” is about the 1938 Olympics and there is a sequence of high divers in the movie. Riefenstahl is cutting together all these dives and cutting them quickly one right after another and in mid-flight and the repetition of the scenes without the beginning or end of them kind of removes the action from itself. At some point, it becomes mesmerizing and it appears like the divers are not diving, but in fact flying. You’re watching this athletic bodies twisting and turning in this vacuum where they are floating in the air. In some way, this Russian who looks sort of like Aziz’s business partner on Parks and Rec, I feel the same watching this video. After two hundred plus truly magical boob touching moments, the beauty of all boobs becomes truly apparent and their fertility, their fullness, their glow, their smile… boobs smile at us all.

Oh… hyperbole…

As for me, I began rooting for the guy. I knew that he accomplished the task because the video was playing right there in front of me, but even more so I wanted him to do it. I was cheering for him like it was happening real time.

Touch those boobs, good sir! Touch them all! Touch them for they should be touched!

And that’s what I leave to you.

I hope you have the greatest weekend of your life.

That’s what I hope for you.


Oh… me?

I will be in Atlantic City hoping not to catch crabs or herpes from well anything that is within a 5 foot radius of me.

Have fun.

I love you?


One Response to “This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #boobs”

  1. Squirrelly? Cunt off, you cunty cunter!

    Just kidding. Besides, I think you’re just jealous that you didn’t get called a cunt. Can boys even be called cunts? Whatevs. JEALOUS!

    Um… I also hope you don’t get an STD in AC this weekend. And if you end up in a strip club, try not to be too inspired by Russian Jean-Ralphio over there — no touching. Unless you’re a girl, then you can usually touch all you want. Cunts love cunts! Anyway, have fun.

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