I’m BACK – More Tired and Sore than when I left you

October 11, 2011

I’m back.

I hope you all had a great weekend and are having a fine Tuesday (it’s Tuesday, right?) today.

Meet anyone new while I was away?

So… the comments section, huh?

I really don’t even feel like summarizing my own thoughts concerning the absurdity of the comments section of last Thursday’s high-lair-ee-yus post. Even in summarizing, I would write way too much. Plus, most of you touched on thoughts I had concerning the lunacy. So, I’ll just throw out two quick things:

1. The best way to argue or get your point across to someone – especially a stranger – is not name calling. That’s immaturity. You shouldn’t do it with people you know either. But I’m just saying, I don’t know why a stranger would take anything another stranger had to say seriously if they immediately started hurling verbal insults and were saying them more often than they were saying whatever their position was. At the same time, it certainly is fun to insult people. I’ll give you that. It’s not the best thing to do, but it’s certainly more fun. And isn’t that what life’s about? Having fun at others’ expense? I think that’s in the Bible somewhere. Insult others as you would like to be insulted or something. Or wish AIDs upon other as they would wish AIDs upon you, I’m paraphrasing – it’s in Revelations or Luke or George Carlin’s rewrite. I don’t know.

So, to anyone that insults the readers of this blog – I wish upon you a wonderful day and a long life filled with failure and incurable genital warts.

What the hell… I hope everyday you get fatter and gassier and everyone around you loves you less. Goodbye.

2. Celebrity obsession. You know you’ve totally lost it when you are defending the imaginary timeless honor of a 21 year old you’ve never met whose greatest accomplishments in life is being the 3x “Best Kiss” winner for the MTV Movie Awards. Not to say I’ve ever won an award as prestigious as said award, but I’ve also never wished horrible deaths or tried to scorch the character of a bunch of strangers who mentioned that that “Best Kiss” winner has sex. In all the parallel universes out there, when you attack people with baseless claims because they said they think a celebrity, you are obviously violently obsessed with, has sex with her boyfriend then you need to re-examine your life.

This is coming from a guy who writes for this blog called “Kristen Stewart wants IT”… she makes movies – that’s it.

Oh yeah, and she takes pictures like this where her cute ass is kinda hanging out.

She takes these pictures because her cute ass is kinda hanging out. It’s not for feminism. It’s not for better working conditions in China. It’s not for cleaner drinking water the world over. She’s 21, she’s good looking, and there’s a nice section of the world that wants to see her looking sexy, half-naked and completely naked. That’s what being a movie star is about.

Not an actor. A movie star.

And she wants IT.

If anything, The Lord Adonis fans out there are the only ones with any right to be angry. The dude is married, has a kid or two – I can’t remember, and I turned him into a sexual deviant in that article. But no one cares about The Lord Adonis, which actually goes to show even more how little people care about non-celebrities. Everything I said was in good fun and I bet the old wanker would get a kick out of me talking about him horn dogging it up with tween celebrity who is most famous for a series of paranormal teen romance movies they couldn’t be any worse than they actually are. I bet he would find it rich, and give a healthy snicker or too over his tea.

What else?

Well, I should warn you readers – I will be writing about football sooner than later. I planned on writing a pre-season football post, but decided against it knowing I would write one during the season… and probably another later in the season. Also, I have many OCDs and one of them is that I have to talk about all 32 teams. I can’t leave a single one out. Which is a lot of work. But I’ll put one together at some point. Maybe I’ll wait until the middle of the season – only a few weeks away sadly – and write it then.

I will say I was at a bar in Houston for the Texans/Raiders game where the Texans lost the game on the last play of the game. I took a cell phone video of it. I’ll try to figure out how to put that up here this week. It doesn’t truly capture how deafening it was in there or exactly how chaotic it got, but let’s just say for a second there I feared for my life. Well, that’s not entirely true. I was running on no sleep and had 5 or 6 PBRs in me, so I wasn’t fearing, but I was worried. People were throwing chairs.

Houston is an interesting town. I didn’t explore all of it obviously, but I went to about 10 bars from Thursday to Sunday and met a lot of people and saw a sporting event as well. I spent most of the time in the “downtown” area and its surrounding areas. It felt more mid-Western than Southern, but I did meet a few Southerners with the accents and everything. It smells like a brewery being sodomized with a fried chicken. The people were friendly, but generally speaking I find most people friendly in most places on this Earth. We’re all trying to get through this together.

Arguably the strangest part of Houston was the George H.W. Bush international airport where the transport cars in the airport don’t have horns and the drivers just yell “beep” or “get out of the way” at you. Not sure whose idea that was, but it’s a funny one.

I’m kind of exhausted. I didn’t sleep much and I drank a lot over the past several days.

So…

Here is the Avengers trailer… because why not?

I also saw Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris.

I liked it. I also learned – yet again from Mr. Allen – that all you need to do in life is wait around until you find an even younger girl who enjoys all the quirky shit you like and start having sex with her. That pretty much sums up at least 50% of Woody Allen’s movies and his life and Midnight in Paris is no different. There is some other good stuff in the movie as well especially if you like literary and art icons of the early 20th century.

What else?

Kristen Stewart wants IT… like a lady.

And I hope you all have the best day ever today and every day… unless you target my commenters and then I hope you stub your toe the same toe every 20 minutes for the rest of your life.

I love you?

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8 Responses to “I’m BACK – More Tired and Sore than when I left you”

  1. tiffanized said

    Balls. I thought Lord Adonis was the person who left the mile long spam comment, which says a lot about my short term memory since I did read Thursday’s post. Must be the syphilis addling my ladybrain.

    They just yell “Beep” in Houston’s airport? I feel like if I were a driver in a position to communicate with a person in another vehicle or on foot nearby I’d go with something more poignant than “Beep”. Like, “Do you HAVE to cross the street diagonally? I don’t remember much about geometry but I do know that a straight shot across would take less of your time and mine than this siteseeing diagonal shit you’re pulling.” Something like that.

    I think that Kristen Stewart does sometimes hang her cute ass out for charity sometimes, like to cure juvenile diabetes. Though I think it involves more walking around in JDRF t shirts and waving at people which isn’t nearly as inappropriate as showing ass at a kids’ charity event. I don’t have much to say about her in general but I will give her a shout out for using her famous face to help sick chirren.

    Please do your NFL post soon. I’m not doing well in fantasy football and could use some tips.

  2. You’re like a knight in shining armor over there, except the armor is probably cargo shorts and instead of a sword it’s biting rhetoric and curses of genital warts. Heroic just the same.

    In a week’s time, I was both called a cunt and wished AID’s upon, so I’d say I’m doing pretty well over here in KSWI-land. I think PWG’s coming to town soon, so maybe I’ll get kidnapped and murdered to really complete the Interweb Trifecta. A lady can dream!

    • PWG said

      Oh, like the LAST time I kidnapped and murdered you, you mean. I’m 99% sure that both of the KSWI people I’ve stalked in person are still alive, but now that you’ve been lulled into a false sense of security . . . .

      I do offer to beer any KSWI readers (and founders) (or Toby) within driving distance of the Philadelphia and Newark airports next week.

      • tiffanized said

        “Driving distance” is an interesting measurement. I’m about 4 hours outside of Philly but it’s not like just running out for more tequila or anything, it’s a true road trip. I’m not sure if I qualify for driving distance or not.

    • PWG said

      Sorry Kristen, if you’re in New Jersey next week I’ll buy you a beer, too. I could apparently use instruction in the art of being ladylike.

  3. cledbo said

    I love your NRL team posts. That last one now forms the sum total of my knowledge about American FOOTBALL (because you have to yell it rather than just say it).

  4. Nix said

    Yay! Jordan’s back!

    I like your logical and grammatical correct arguments, sir. I also liked the genital warts comment.

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