My hands smell like a beautiful woman’s…

October 12, 2011

My computer is broke and the Genius Bar confiscated it and I was cornered by an Israeli girl at the mall where she made scrub my hands with salt from the Dead Sea and then lathered them in scented moisturizer while she asked me, “Zhor-don, do you like it or do you love it?”

That’s my day.

I don’t feel less like I’m a genius or at a bar than when I’m at the Genius Bar.



16 Responses to “My hands smell like a beautiful woman’s…”

  1. My day? Listening to dance music while I serve my 8 hrs in the cube. I’d take an exotic lady massaging my hands over that.

    It’s been my experience that if you get a little flirty with the Genius Bar dudes, they might slip you an accessory or two for free. Go give that a whirl.

  2. PWG said

    My day? Troubleshooting video conferencing systems and online timecard retrieval. Simmer down, it’s not as glamorous as it sounds. I also would’ve preferred an exotic lady massaging my hands.

    I had my first massage this month where the person walks on your back while she holds onto some hanging metal thingy that looks like it’s supposed to hold your pots and pans. It was in a shed behind a house, and there was a big above-ground indoor swimming pool in the room too. Well now that I’ve written it down, that sounds a little sketchy, doesn’t it?

    Did you actually buy anything from the hand rubber?

  3. tiffanized said

    Now that you mention it, the Apple store would be more appealing with liquor. And geniuses.

    Actually I’ve had a great experience with the Apple store. The “genius” was working on three people’s stuff at the same time and got us all done in like 10 minutes total*. Like a human octopus, he was(*?).

  4. cledbo said

    I didn’t know what a Genius Bar was, and was wondering what right some bartender had to take your computer away from you. The Nerve! Then I read HB and Tiff’s comments and it made sense.

    My day? I had a pseudo-team meeting which was actually just an excuse to have coffee in the food court and not do work for half an hour; I ran 2.75km in 15 mins 49 sec and didn’t vomit; I watched Tangled instead of doing the dishes; and then I spent 45 mins before bed trying to decide which cocktail dress I can get away with wearing to the Army Dining In Night on Saturday. It was totally hectic.

    • PWG said

      Bartenders probably should start taking phones away from drunk people before they text their exes or bosses, not a bad idea. Might save more lives than taking away car keys, ISN’T THAT RIGHT, TIGER WOODS?!

      Congratulations on the wise choice of Tangled over dishes. You’ve inspired me to do the same. “Well I hope you’re here to apologize.”

  5. MyRobbie said

    I feel like you must’ve been at the Freehold mall, as I too have dropped my computer off at the Genius Bar (god, that was hard to type non-sarcastically) and then got attacked by I think that very same exotic woman. She’s persistent! If it’s the same mall, that is.

    Oh and I found that a push up bra worked wonders at the “Genius Bar”. There. Quotes feel better there.

    Oh and my day revolved around my three year old and his cold. Better than dealing with his puking (that was Sunday). Good times. Thanks for asking!

    • The key to avoiding “those people” is being completely socially awkward and not making eye contact (regardless of how pretty they may be). Honestly, it’s why we all have smart phones.

      • PWG said

        Wait, are we talking about the Apple techs or her 3-year old? Because it’s good to avoid eye contact with small children too. They smell fear.

      • General rule of thumb: never look anyone in the eye who is likely to engage in unwelcome, unsolicited, sticky touching. Also, keep children in cages.

    • You sunk my battleship- yes, it was the Freehold mall. She was crazy persistent, which I obviously took as her feeding off my alpha male pheramones.

      • This must be a common set-up, because similar exotic women await to pounce on you upon exiting the Apple store at the Rockaway Mall too. JERSEY!

        Except at Rockaway, if you manage to dodge the sea salt lotion lady, you still have to try to avoid the straightening booth where they will try to flat iron your already straight hair. Lady, I blew this straight for 30 mins this morning.* Hands off.

  6. Nix said

    My day? Trying to keep vertical with an inner ear infection. Things sure get interesting when the world is spinning and you haven’t ingested alcohol. Hmm, maybe if I did, things would come back into focus….?


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