This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #Gadhafi

October 21, 2011

Happy Friday!

As always, excellent job to you and yours (boobs/butt/sweaty under carriage) for surviving another week of life!

I hope you then make risky decisions on the weekend to reward yourself before you end up still alive on Monday and back into another WEEK until Friday again. Ya dig?

Anyway, congratulations. Now, have fun.

But first, I guess read this post…

THIS WEEKEND I WILL BE IN A TUXEDO

Yep.

I am going to the dear wedding of a dear friend and she has dearly asked us dear men to dearly wear dear tuxedos.

I am super excited to wear a tuxedo again. My tuxedo again – I should add. I thoroughly enjoyed wearing this tuxedo in September when I was in Chicago. I did just get my tuxedo dry cleaned by a mystery dry cleaner who didn’t speak English, so I’m going to take a test run in the tuxedo later today and there’s a chance there is something screwy going on with it.

Either way, I will be at an open bar from 4pm – 10pm with a bunch of my college friends, so I’m expecting to ascend to a new level of drunkenness on Saturday as if I was Goku fighting Vegeta for the first time and I reach Super Saiyan. It should be a hilarious good time. Also, it will be fun to be back in Jersey City. I haven’t gotten obscene in that scene in about a year, so I’ll be glad to be back.

What else?

Well, I’ve recently discovered one can make a drinking game out of the new Twilight movie by taking a shot every time Kristen Stewart dramatically puts her hand on Fake-Rob’s chest…

Take a shot.

Take a SHOT!

TAKE A SHOT!

SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!

These are just examples from one gallery of 15 pictures of movie stills… so I’m betting there’s more.

What’s happening in this movie? Is Bella worried Ed’s got breast cancer? Is she searching for lumps? Wouldn’t surprise me with the rest of the stupid storylines going on. There’s a rare strain of male vampire breast cancer going around, Bella. You need to make sure Edward is clean, but he’ll get vwery vwery mwad if you just ask him, so be sneaky about it. Ok?!

What else?

Well, I read this stupid article on Yahoo (Aren’t all their articles stupid?! Yahoo may have the worst selection of writers ever putting out the dumbest articles, but I can’t stop clicking on them. Each one is dumber than the next!) about the seven weirdest things about Gadhafi and I honestly don’t find any of them weird. They’re exactly what all good crazy dictators should be doing. He just sounds like a North African Hugh Hefner for the most part.

http://news.yahoo.com/seven-weirdest-things-moammar-gadhafi-170209296.html

1. “Bulletproof” Tent 

What’s weird about a “Bulletproof” tent? There are people trying to KILL this dude. I would want a bulletproof everything. Bulletproof Haggar slacks, bulletproof running shorts, bulletproof Pittsburgh Steelers’ hat. What’s weird about being a wealthy man who has committed horrible atrocities and doesn’t want to get killed in a justifiable revenge killing? Nothing to me. Living in a tent is weird, but they were in Africa and doesn’t everyone live in a tent in Africa?

2. All-Female Virgin Bodyguard Retinue

Don’t knock it til you try it. If you’re going to have bodyguards and you’re a man who has sex with just about everything within a 10 foot radius then why not this? If you could make this happen then you would. It’s not like he was truly dodging bullets until the end and it’s not like he really used these women as bodyguards unless you consider them riding his little Gadhafi and guarding his body. I don’t get what is really weird about this. Seriously? The guy wasn’t trying to win “politician of the year” awards. He was pretty much a “warlord” and with that he lived like one.

3. His “Voluptuous” Ukrainian Nurse

Again, what’s weird about this? If you could get away with having a “voluptuous” – thin veiled term meaning big boobied and big bootied – Ukrainian nurse with you at all times checking for hernias every 30 minutes then why wouldn’t you? Isn’t this exactly what you imagine how guys think or would like things to be? And that’s how Gadhafi lived his life. It was all gold and riches and sex. How is this “weird”?

4. Crush on Condoleeza Rice

Racist! You got no love for the darker berries? I don’t see this as being that big of a deal either. The dude saw a powerful African princess in her own right and he wanted her. I’m not really sure what the weird thing is. What was weird was he had his own Condoleeza Rice homemade spank bank books, but really who hasn’t done that? Plus I can’t imagine that Gadhafi was all that good with computers and iPhoto, so he had to do the physical scrap booking.

5. Fear of Flying and Elevators

Weird? Not the status quo, but I know plenty of people who have a fear of these things. I mean John Madden is afraid to fly. Is he weird? Yes, he’s weird, but not for the fear of flying. The elevators thing is whatever. It’s not a-typical, but the guy was paranoid and people did want him dead, so maybe elevators weren’t the best. Plus he lived in a sprawling tent, it’s not like elevators were something he typically dealt with.

6. Bunga Bunga

Apparently, “bunga bunga” is an orgy. Yeah… what’s weird about that? Yahoo is the worst. If I had an all virgin female bodyguard team, a voluptuous Ukrainian nurse, access to buying all the world’s women then why would I ever stop having orgies? Right? I don’t get how this is weird in the least bit.

7. An Eclectic Wardrobe

An “eclectic” wardrobe? I guess let’s go knock down Stevie Wonder’s door to for being WEIRD because having an “eclectic” wardrobe is apparently noteworthy nowadays.

This article is fucking stupid.

You know what was “weird” that Gadhafi did?

When he hired mercenary sniper teams to shoot all of his country’s people.

That was weird. It was a lot more weird them him having sex with a big breasted chick from the Ukraine.

Fucking Yahoo.

Anyway…

I hope you have a great weekend.

I hope you have a wonderful day.

I hope there are not too many unflattering pictures taken of me in my tuxedo tomorrow.

I hope nothing is wrong with the tuxedo either.

I hope to see you next week!

Bunga bunga!

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9 Responses to “This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #Gadhafi”

  1. Nix said

    Bunga Bunga back atcha.

  2. KStewBoy said

    Kristen, please check my chest for male breast cancer. Then check again. Once more. And again. Last time. No, once more please.
    Ahhh…..

    • tiffanized said

      I like you. I’m no Kristen, but let’s just say that if you show up at KSWI-con you will leave well assured that you are lump free.

      • KStewBoy said

        KSWI-con? Is that for real? Details please! I’ll take all the male breast cancer checks I can get – Kristen or no Kristen.

      • tiffanized said

        Oh it’s totally real. It’s just that the first one hasn’t happened yet, nor have dates been set nor is it probably going to ever happen.

      • cledbo said

        If this big-ass cross-US trip of mine ever gets off the ground, KSWI-Con WILL become a reality, I swear to the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Next fall is looking possible, depending on how pissed work is when they find out I’m taking 6 months off to go play soldier.

      • KStewBoy said

        Bunch of KSWI-con teases.

  3. tiffanized said

    I will miss Gadhafi. Clearly not the murdering and molesting of his people but the photos of him billowing around looking like a lost member of Soulsonic Force amidst dark suited world leaders. If only someone had bought the man a decent tuxedo.

    I like to imagine you put on your tuxedo every evening a la Jack Donaghy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_P7yWnAAd0

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