This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #SWATH

November 11, 2011

IT…

IS…

FRI…

DAY…

AND…

IT…

IS…

THE…

WEEKEND…

AND…

IT…

IS…

FINALLY…

THE…

DAY…

WHEN…

IT…

BECOMES…

COOL…

FOR…

ME…

TO…

GET…

DRUNK…

AS…

OPPOSED…

TO…

THOSE…

OTHER…

DAYS…

I…

AM…

DRUNK…

AND…

THEN…

IT…

BECOMES…

AN…

ARGUMENT…

WITH…

THE…

SOCCER…

MOMS…

AT…

THE…

TCBY…

BECAUSE…

THEY…

ARE…

LIKE…

YOU…

STINK…

OF…

SO…

MUCH…

WHISKEY…

THAT…

MY…

BABY’S…

NOSTRILS…

ARE…

ON…

FIRE…

AND…

I’M…

LIKE…

HOW…

DO…

YOU…

KNOW…

WHAT…

YOUR…

BABY’S…

NOSTRILS…

FEEL…

LIKE…

PLUS…

WHY…

AM…

I…

NAKED…

AND…

IN…

THIS…

TCBY…

BECAUSE…

DO…

TCBY’S…

STILL…

EXIST…

AND…

IT…

IS…

ALSO…

the day after Snow White and the Huntsmen debuted its trailer…

First and foremost, MAGIC! This movie is already more magical than half of the Harry Potter movies. Well, at least 3 of the 7, I haven’t watched the last one yet. But yeah… MAGIC!

My thoughts from yesterday seem pretty right on the money after seeing the trailer. I don’t like Thor nor do I care for seeing him in his boiled leathers with his akimbo hatchets. He seems so out of place to me. I don’t care how they try to dirty up Thor, he looks like an Abercrombie & Fitch model. Now, that’s all and good when Thor is out at a bar or in a Dunkin’ Donuts or probably sitting in his living room on his couch because I can only imagine that no matter where Abercrombie & Fitch models go that girls and gay boys with dripping genitals TRACK THEM DOWN! But as far as an action hero or as intimidating or anything, it sucks. I’m not afraid of Thor… well, I’m not afraid of fighting Thor in a dark alley. I am afraid that we’ll end up in a sauna together at a New York Sports Club and it’ll be all steamy in there and we’re sweating so much we’re both like “geez, is it hot in here or is it just me?” and we both laugh and say jinx then we hold hands and play Truth or Dare until we push each other beyond what we thought was our own mortal limits of emotional trust. So… that’s not in the movie and instead there is Thor’s rigid acting and his plenty of BOILED LEATHERS!

As for my lesbian fantasy… errrr… EPIC LESBIAN FANTASY!… Kristen Stewart and Charlize Theron. I’m thinking a lot about these two kissing and Charlize teaching Kristen Stewart how to be a woman through soooo much more kissing. Generally speaking, I’m using their abilities to control and use magic as one big metaphor for them tonguing each other from top to toes. So, I’m thinking that’s going to make this movie INCREDIBLE. Also, I might need to see it by myself then because I’m going to be in a pretty weird state. Let’s move on from that, but I encourage you to think about this movie in the exact same way…

There’s a lot of action in this trailer. A lot of knights fighting on a beach. That’s again what I expected and it does literally look good. I mean I might be biased – I love knights, fighting, beaches and fighting on beaches, knights fighting, knights on beaches are a decent enough idea and, finally, knights on beaches fighting are cool.

Oh yeah and there was this guy…

Which I mean… fuck yeah, right?! Like there’s that guy… err thing! I mean fuck dwarves. Who the fuck is talking about dwarves when there are this thing out there?

Also…

This happened! That’s Kristen Stewart running through fire in slow motion, which kind of is something I just imagine and now it is happening because fire can’t burn the want. Can fire burn other fire? NO!

Oh and there is this…

Fuck yes.

The bunny teeth and the Want.

So…

One more thing…

Tomorrow is Saturday and on Saturday night at 9pm EST, which means 6pm PST and whatever other time zones exists use those numbers as a reference…

Saturday night, 9pm EST, on FOX… the U F C .

I’m excited beyond my limits. I can’t fucking wait.

The fight is free because FOX is free, so fucking watch it. It is at 9pm EST, which means no matter where you are in the world you can get your drink on while watching a historic moment in sports and in television as the UFC joins network television with a live championship bout between Junior Dos Santos and champion Cain Velasquez.

I suggest you watch it.

To get you more pumped up for it…

You can do one or two of two things…

Watch this – http://msn.foxsports.com/video/MMA_Boxing?vid=cc474626-0acb-431d-967b-860ef577e4c2&videoId=cc474626-0acb-431d-967b-860ef577e4c2&src=v5:share:sharepermalink:&from=sharepermalink

That is the 43 minute UFC Primetime special highlighting why you should give a 1000 fucks about both fighters and how menacing they can look and how friendly they can look at other times and they’re both Hispanic monsters, so if you like that then you’ll probably like them.

And/or you can read this…

http://www.ufc.com/news/The-Velasquez-vs-Dos-Santos-Countdown-Begins

I wrote that. It’s actually one of two that I’ve written about this fight, but the other one was a month ago and I’m not going to run around trying to find that. Either way, these two dudes deserve to fight for this belt against each other and for it to be watched by everyone. Just saying… that includes you.

Oh man, I’m praying this is going to be a good fight, but at the same time I think it will be and I’m not worried. At the very least, it should be tense and exciting and it could end in a heartbeat.

So…

Happy weekend!

I love you?!

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9 Responses to “This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #SWATH”

  1. PWG said

    I worked at a TCBY once, so thanks for the PTSD flashbacks.

    I think this trailer looks great, I’m a sucker for the castles and horses and armor and swords and stuff.

    I particularly like the white latex/Elmer’s glue bath that Charlize had to sit through. When I was a kid we used to spread Elmer’s glue on our palms and let it dry, then try to peel it off in one big sheet. You can assume then that either a) we had a big interest in forensic science as children, b) toys in the 70’s blew donkey balls, or c) I have the most rejuvenated, youthful looking palms in the motherfucking universe.

  2. KStewBoy said

    Is it too early for me to pre-order my Bluray copy of this movie? “They say” you can’t wear-out a Bluray with over-use. I will be putting that theory to the test with this flick – if you know what I mean…of course you know what I mean…you’re gonna do the same thing… Bunny Teeth Want in Armour. Yum.

  3. Axiom said

    Why do people like you always want to bring Miss Stewart down to an Inferior level of Lesbianism and perversion in general?…

    It’s like you people can sense her goodness and you just want to tarnish it as much as possible…

    I think that, deep down you are Jealous of her, because you had your chance at goodness but you squandered it with alcohol, drugs and perverted sex.. not real sex.. but drunken, blacked out, shit stained sex…

    Sorry, but sex involving excrement is simply, bestial and a sure fire sign of Sub Humanity.. so don’t even try to make it seem like it’s cool… knowing the kinds of people that fallow you, they will try and make something as obviously putrid and wrong, seem ‘cool’ and that I am just some old lady, grandma type, tellng the kids, “don’t play with yourselves.. sex without love is only, pure death…”

    Keep the Tequilla and Jack Daniels bottles out of your mouth for a month or two my friend and see what an ass you have been… the same goes for that mind melting, gateway drug.. Pot…

    I really hope that you see that Alcohol and Pot, (drugs) are a total waste of your Health, your mind.. and your Spiritual faculties.. for even you have them….

    By the way.. I love SWATH… it looks like it’s going to be an exellent movie and the use of Miss Stewart as a sword fighting Snow White is just very new and interesting.. all of us Fans of Miss Stewart will be blown away by her performance… Just by the previews I can see her intensity.. her Inner Warrior.. she is an Aries you know!… 😉

    With all of the natural magnetism, and Charisma that K-Stew has she will make great little warrior.. I just hope to see her in other, similar action and suspense roles.

    I think it’s safe to say that Miss Stewart is one of the most intense, Dramatic Thespians out there.. and at such a tender age.. more to admire

    she has such exellent qualities, is in a relationship that is solid and appears to have the power to last.. the fact she tried Pot sometimes in her younger days can be safely placed in the past.. I don’t think that she is going near that stuff anymore.. because SHE HAS GROWN UP… hint, hint.. to some… 🙂

    But yeah… Beautiful Miss Stewart is AWESOME.. and you got it right, a 100%.. when you said that, “fire cannot burn fire”… because she is fire… Stable, strong Earth.. and sweet, nourishing, life giving water too…..

    The young lady is at the top of her Proffesion… and she has done so.. by not giving into Social GARBAGE and the Evil, dark and deceased side of Hollywood.. but by remaining in the light!!!.. and being a Family Oriented, Mom and Dad Loving and respecting, young woman…

    May Heaven Bless Her always.. and may she find true Love with her Man.. Pattinson.. which all indicates to be a fact.. blessedly so… and may they together, stay clear always of bad company and the Evil of drugs…

    Ciao friends!… “don’t hate me couse I’m beatiful”…. 🙂

    • PWG said

      You shouldn’t spend so much time obsessing over some poor actress you don’t know, I don’t think it’s healthy for you. Lest you think that is the pot calling the kettle black, I will gently point out that KStew is a more a MacGuffin here than an actual obsessive focus. She’s the Maltese Falcon, the Pulp Fiction briefcase. Monty Python’s Holy Grail, if you will.

      • Axiom said

        You make it sound like I am a stalker just because I can see a goodness in the young woman that has shown a light greater than the Sun rising over, putrid, Hollywood blvd every morning…
        Shows how depressingly pathetic and monstrous your, drug addicted, sub culture really is.

        You imply that I am a “stalker”, just because I think that she is great and has a higher goodness in her than you enablers with your pot, and that microorganism excrement named Alcohol, that you swallow every weekend (or every day by the look of your post) to make yourselves, stupid and dizzy.. Well, being a fan, and noticing her excellence does not make me a “stalker”…

        What a typical, comment by the likes of you.

        I predicted perfectly.. all of your mindless, anti reason responses… 🙂

    • Your creepy stalker musings terrify me more than any of that poopsex or eternal damnation you’re always going on about. I give you another two comments before you start talking about cutting off Kristen’s skin and wearing it to your birthday.

    • cledbo said

      It’s so great how you think you know us enough to know what we’re going to say to you.

      Well, news flash Annie Wilkes, you still have no idea who we are or what this blog is actually for. Someone else you don’t know is Kristen Stewart, so you might want to do a bit of soul-searching about where your life is going at this point. I get the distinct impression that if KStew was ever to meet you, an AVO would be the next thing she would have to do with you.

      This movie looks several levels of dumb but fun, and I agree with Kayswidge’s assessment of Liam Hemsworth (even though he’s Australian he’s just not Sam Worthington-esque enough for me…). In any case, wake me when Halo comes out.

      • Axiom said

        What is an AVO??….

        Anyway… Pretty lame calling me a Stalker because I see such treasure in Miss stewart, for I am not the only one… All of us, her true fans see such greatness and goodness in her… It’s you old, perverted wolves and veterans of the night and shameless enablers, that she has to watch out for….

        It’s weird that the dude that manages this site would choose to use her name to basically trash talk her… And at the same time kiss her ass??… That’s really weird, but so are the ways of drug addicts and.. ‘Pimp Puppeteers’…

        Makes no sense, unless he deliberately wants to make her seem like one of his, AIDS infested whore, slut friends, from Sunset blvd?… 😦

        Really people, give goodness a chance.. It’s not so bad to not wake up in your own vomit, not knowing what happened and soiled by some unknowns, body fluids… STDs and AIDS…..

  4. cledbo said

    I’m going to post this here, because it’s taken me til Saturday to watch the damn video – that Epic Meal Time was gross, intriguing, and the most fucking hilarious thing I’ve seen in weeks, and I feel like I gained weight just watching it.

    BaconStrips&
    BaconStrips&
    BaconStrips&
    BaconStrips&
    BaconStrips!!!!!

    WIN

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