Kristen Stewart Wants You To Have A HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

November 24, 2011

Boom!

Kristen Stewart in Last of the Mohicans.

What I’m thankful for?

In 30 minutes there will be a professional tackle football game.

When that one ends…

There will be another PROFESSIONAL TACKLE FOOTBALL GAME!

When that one ends…

THERE WILL BE ANOTHER FOOTBALL GAME!

And it’s only Thursday.

Also, I’ll be stuffing my face with beer and dinner rolls the whole time, so I’m fucking psyched.

I would like to thank the Native Americans mostly for teaching the British Pilgrims that there is more to life than fish & chips and bangers & mash and that’s why we’re eating such a big beautiful turkey dinner. And to all the people who turn their nose up to turkey, you can go fuck yourselves on this holiday because I love turkey.

Gobble gobble, motherfuckers. Gobble gobble.

3 Responses to “Kristen Stewart Wants You To Have A HAPPY THANKSGIVING!”

  1. PWG said

    I’m sitting in a dark bedroom next to a rollaway hospital bed, so my Mom can get out of the house for an hour to have Thanksgiving at my brother’s. I’m thankful for morphine, and the people who do hospice work, even on a holiday.

    It’s very sad, even keeping in mind that everybody has to go sometime (assuming that vampire thing doesn’t pan out), and at home with your dog and family, not in pain, is probably about as good as it gets for anyone. But Thanksgiving 2011 isn’t going to stand out as my favorite.

  2. Happy Turkey to all and sundry. Keep safe, giblets.

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