Well… This Is What Happened This Weekend…

December 12, 2011

First…

Did you notice something?

Like… HIS MOTHERFUCKING ARM BREAKING!

Here’s another angle…

If you’re having trouble noticing the break, look for the part where the white guy with the coiffed hair and tattooed back gets on top and when he’s cranking on the Brazilian guy’s arm, you’ll notice a moment where the rotation of the bend of the arm goes from one way to another way… simply because…

HE BROKE THAT DAMN ARM!

People think this type of stuff happens all the time in MMA and it doesn’t. Really.

The big white dude is Frank Mir and over his 10 year career inside the UFC’s Octagon, Frank has broken two arms in his 19 UFC fights. The first was against Tim Sylvia for the Heavyweight belt back in 2004 where Frank snapped Sylvia’s forearm or radius or whatever, but the thing got snapped. Then cut to 7 years later and Frank breaks the humerus of Sir Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. So basically he’s on an arm snapping rampage and if you are so unlucky to fight this man in 2018 with Frank at the ripe age of 39 then he might break your arm if you don’t tap.

In all seriousness, the break is Nogueira’s fault more than it is Frank’s. Nogueira wouldn’t tap. Nog is a warrior and he’s too proud and as well as too used to dealing with pain to simply tap. He’s never tapped before, so why would he start now. Either way, they took him to the hospital and this was the X-ray…

And then they flew the big fella to Los Angeles and he had surgery done on his arm.

Not sure about recovery time and so forth, but in all honesty Big Nog was looking real good up until that arm getting broken happened. Just before they started rolling around on the ground, Big Nog was close to knocking out Mir. Actually, they were on the ground because Frank had fallen after taking a couple too many punches to the skull. It was Big Nog who started the submission attempts, which ended with the gifs above and that X-ray.

Either way, what an exciting fight?!

Guys getting broken arms like that is fairly rare and yes quite exhilarating as a viewer. And does that mean I like violence?

YOU BET YOUR ASS I LIKE VIOLENCE!

For fuck’s sake, I watched 6 hours of UFC fights and soon as the fights were over I flipped through the channels and saw that the Amir Khan vs. Lamont Peterson boxing match was just starting up. So I watched that! Also, that was a great fight minus the referee involvement. Oh boxing, you’re so corrupt. It’s almost your charm!

Second…

No one went to see this…

And for that, I say thank you.

THANK YOU, GOD! Thank you.

I believe the movie made just about $13 million or something, which is fucking TERRIBLE.

Apparently, the studio was only expecting $20 million probably because everyone thought this movie looked FUCKING DUMB and would rather watch people getting their bones snapped in half than watch Lea Michelle and Ashton Kutcher flirt or Zack Efron and Michelle Pfeiffer flirt or even try to figure out why Seth Meyers is in this movie. So they were crossing their fingers for $20 million and got almost half of that. So you would think that would go down as a FAILURE and everyone associated would never get a chance to do this shit again, but you would be wrong.

The director of New Year’s Eve is Garry Marshall. You probably know his name and even what he looks like.

Sadly, the movie industry is really like a club more than a business. You get in and become friends with these people and you stay in no matter what you do wrong. For instance, Garry Marshall.

Mr. Marshall directed/wrote/starred-in many famous television shows like Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley, Mork & Mindy, The Odd Couple, The Dick Van Dyke Show and so on and so on. The most recent one of those shows had its LAST episode in 1983 – the year of my birth, so TWENTY EIGHT YEARS AGO!

Since then, Garry has been directing movies and acting. But I’m focused on the directing and not the occasional side character he plays in a movie he produces…

2011 – New Year’s Eve

2010 – Valentine’s Day

2007 – Georgia Rule

2004 – The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

2004 – Raising Helen

2001 – The Princess Diaries

1999 – Runaway Bride

1999 – The Other Sister

1996 – Dear God

1994 – Exit to Eden

1991 – Frankie and Johnny

1990 – Pretty Woman

1988 – Beaches

1987 – Overboard

1986 – Nothing in Common

1984 – The Flamingo Kid

Which of these movies are actually good?

The Other Sister? I could see people saying that was good. I also could see someone saying it was HYSTERICAL LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, but let’s just stick with people who don’t find retarded people funny. So, The Other Sister, which hit theaters way back before Y2K. That’s a pretty long time ago and since he has made a slew of shitty shitty women’s movies. Don’t you feel insulted at how much Garry Marshall panders to your gender and not only panders, but this is the SHIT he thinks you will buy because he KEEPS making the same SHIT over and over again. Before The Other Sister in 1999, what was previous good movie. Pretty Woman? I don’t think this is that good of a movie, but I really hope people are not going to try and argue that Frankie and Johnny was a good movie. Because it wasn’t.

Before that? Well, Overboard is a masterpiece we all know. Beaches? Back then women thought that movie was something, but I bet nowadays women are too tied up with vampires to try and pretend a stupid movie like Beaches is any good.

Anyway… what I’m saying is…

GARRY MARSHALL SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO DIRECT A MOVIE EVER AGAIN!

Ok?

Third…

Did you all see the Lindsay Lohan leaked Playboy photos?

1. Whoever buys this issue of Playboy to specifically see Lohan nude… IS A FUCKING MORON!

This is the THIRD time she has appeared naked in a magazine and the other magazine pictures have been around the internet, plus these ones are floating around too, so why the hell would you give Hefner your money? What’s the point?

2. This isn’t really what Lohan looks like naked

 

It is definitely the general idea of what she looks like naked, but they are so airbrushed as all Playboy is. There isn’t a single freckle on this bitch’s body in these pictures, but you know she’s covered in them. And I have no problem with freckles. I don’t have a freckle fetish or anything, but if you have them then keep having them. Lindsay has earned those freckles and not a single one appears in these pictures because they’ve wiped her down with whitener and then airbrushed the rest out.

What do you learn from these pictures that you don’t already know about Lindsay with her clothes on?

Lindsay has got some big beautiful tittays? Knew that already. Lindsay has a cute butt? Could’ve guessed that considering the rest of her plus she’s 25 and who at 25 doesn’t have a cute butt?

3. Oh she’s Marilyn Monroe!

Yeah, she’s trying to pose and look like the Marilyn Monroe pictures from half a century ago, which is topical stuff. BUT! Funny enough, Lindsay has posed naked as Marilyn Monroe before and those pictures were in New York Magazine back in I think 2008 or so and the photos are not nearly as air brushed or air brushed at all and they look 100x better to me probably because she looks like a human and not just some concept 3D modeling piece of video game designer created. Anyway…

Something else happened…

Fourth…

TEBOW!!!!!!!!!

The Chicago Bears got royally Tebow-ed by Timothy Richard Tebow.

I won’t go into great detail considering it is probably written about on every website even remotely having to do with sports, but it fucking happened again.

Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos won their sixth 4th quarter comeback in 8 games. The dude is a cultural movement at this point. It is simply ridiculous that the Broncos won yesterday against the Bears for so many reasons, but they did and in the end – Tebow.

There will be a lot of people out there talking about how much credit should go to the Denver Broncos’ defense and especially the play of breakout defensive star Von Miller. And he and they deserve all that credit. And people will give a lot of credit to head coach John Fox for coaching up that defense and as well as helping orchestrate an offense for Tebow to run that would suit him. And they deserve that credit. Also, there will be a lot of people wanting to give a ton of credit to Matt Prater for his two field goal kicks that the first tied the game and the second won the game. And he deserves every bit of credit for making both long distance field goals with all the pressure in the world on him.

But…

That doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be a shit ton of credit given to Tim Tebow…

Tebow in first 3 quarters – 3/16, 45 yds, 0 td, 1 int
Tebow in 4th/OT – 18/24 – 191 yds, 1 td, 0 int
I don’t care how you slice it or however cynical you feel about the hype behind this kid, but with the game on the line Tebow went 7/7 straight down the field to score a touchdown with no timeouts and only took 2 minutes off the clock. It was exactly what they needed to have done and he did it perfectly. From there, both times Tebow had the ball – he took their team and brought them within field goal distance without a moment of pause. Some people will try to be all cool and not give him credit for that because they’re anti-this kid, but he did the work that Tom Brady, Eli and Big Ben and so many others have done this year as quarterback and get his team within scoring distance for their kicker and just pray it goes in. And it did. Twice.
It’s a team game. They all deserve credit… including Tim Tebow.
I hope you had a great weekend!
What did you do?
I also bowled. I suck at bowling. I hadn’t bowled in over 2 years and I hadn’t bowled before that in like 10 years, so I suck at it.
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9 Responses to “Well… This Is What Happened This Weekend…”

  1. PWG said

    I was scrolling down your Garry Marshall list all sad at how many shitty movies he’s made, until I got to Overboard. I was all ready to be indignant because that is clearly not a shitty movie. I love it and have incorporated many of its truths into my daily life and conversation: “I was a short . . . fat . . . slut?!” “I ALMOST had to wait” and “If you have a baby, then you won’t BE the baby” come out of my mouth regularly. Vastly relieved to see you recognized that a few paragraphs later.

    I watch Happy Days and Laverne & Shirley with my kids now. We taught them to say, “Hello” in that weird Lenny and Squiggy voice, which was very cute the first day. Now, “OH MY GOD, SHUT THE FUCK UP” is more like it.

    The Playboy cover doesn’t look anything like Lohan to me. Tim Tebow kicks Christian puppies.

  2. KStewBoy said

    Who cares about being a good bowler… bowling is just an excuse to drink beer and smoke cigarettes. And it’s funny to watch germophobes unable to enter the building. They just freak out.

    • PWG said

      The best bowling alleys have lounges, pinball machines and foodstuffs like “microwaved cheez stix from a bag.” I agree, who needs to actually bowl?

      • tiffanized said

        Our bowling alley has a lounge called Tapz. Yes, it’s as classy as it sounds. The last time I was there it was karaoke night, at which a dude wearing a pink polo, white shorts and no shoes sang “Sharp Dressed Man”.

  3. tiffanized said

    The new thing at my house is “I’d rather have Frank Mir break my arm than [insert unpleasant activity here].” So far this has extended to include touching dog poop, going to a bed and breakfast, and eating the chili I sneezed on. It’s funnier when you consider my kids don’t know who Frank Mir is.

  4. I don’t feel insulted by Garry Marshall because I won’t end up seeing any of the garbage he makes. If there were laws where women could only see movies created for them, then I’d be insulted and furious. But, thankfully, I have the right to choose to see and give my money to intelligent, worthy films like Thor and Fast Five. AMERICA!!!

    Also, I’m not sure if I’ve admitted this publicly yet or what, but I used to be in a bowling league with my brother when I was younger. Maybe I wasn’t the coolest middle schooler ever because of this, but could you bowl a 225 when you were 12? No I didn’t think so so whatever you’re just jealous shut up.

  5. tiffanized said

    As if on cue, my boss announced that our department is going bowling this Friday as a team building exercise. This pretty much means that half the people I work with own their own bowling shoes and the other half of us are getting humiliated because we don’t fucking know how to bowl. I’m just hoping to walk outta there with the phone number of the toothless guy who sits at the bar all day long smoking Black & Milds.

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