Pitbulls Are The Shit and The Golden Globes Are Just Shit

December 15, 2011

Happy Thursday!

You can practically smell the weekend. Generally, the weekend is conducive for less showering or personal upkeep. It has a foul stench which is hopefully covered up with perfume, sex and whiskey. Either way, if you can make it through today then tomorrow is Friday and that means you can probably lie to your boss about needing to leave early and you have a 2 1/2 day weekend! WOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Anyway…

I was going to write about the Golden Globes nominations because that was the only minor piece of interesting news I spotted in my morning round-up… BUT the nominations suck the biggest dick this year like they do all other years.

Moneyball is nominated in every category somehow.

I don’t know who the Hollywood Foreign Press are and I definitely don’t know why they would have their own award show and even if they made one, why does anyone give a fuck about it? Was it last year that The Tourist was nominated for a ton of awards? Or maybe that was the year before. I can’t remember. Either way, the Hollywood Foreign Press are bunch of pieces of shit and I hope they get hit by a car. Collectively hit by a car. Like they’re all walking across a street somewhere in a single file line and this car just never lets off the gas and just plows through each and everyone of those fucking idiots.

I didn’t say “killed by a car”, but definitely I hope they get hit by one.

The funniest thing about the Golden Globes is that it does television as well. They know absolutely nothing about movies AND they know absolutely nothing about television.

Best TV show in the “Comedy or Musical” category:

“Enlightened” (HBO)
“Episodes” (Showtime)
“Glee” (Fox)
“Modern Family” (ABC)
“New Girl” (Fox)

UGH!

I’ll definitely say Glee is the best musical television show out there because I can’t think of another. It wins by default. Are there other scripted musical TV shows? So, if they want to give them a Golden Globe for being the only one of a category that shouldn’t exist then sure give them one. Why not?

As far as comedies, Modern Family is the only one that’s good. But Modern Family hasn’t even been nomination worthy recently. It has been good, but not that good.

What about?

Community, Parks and Rec, The Office (maybe), It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Louie, Happy Endings, Bored to Death… these shows are all better than what’s nominated.

Other shows they won’t nominate, but are definitely more COMEDIC than all those other shows Archer, The League, Blue Mountain State, The Life & Times of Tim

Best comedy should mean “shit that makes you laugh your fucking balls off” and no one is laughing their testicles off to Enlightened. If you even know what that show is is a big question let alone your ability to laugh your reproductive organs off from it.

Anyway…

Fuck the Golden Globes in their collective asshole with an enormous monkey wrench. Not the handle, but the other wrench side.

*deep breath*

..

.

PITBULLS!!!!!!!!

I saw this and I loved it.

Pitbulls are great animals and if you think otherwise then you are stupid and no one should listen to a single word you have to say until you fucking smart up and start loving pitbulls.

Recently, I have had a fairly regular interaction with a pitbull named Lucy.

My friend’s girlfriend’s dog is a puppy pitbull and she is a very sweet dog who I pet and then she falls asleep on me.

So there’s that.

Also, while we are going through photos on my phone of dogs, which I have a million pictures of…

Here is my golden retriever Gracie when she is mad (from me riling her up) …

She looks like an alligator.

This is a picture taking no less than a 5 seconds later after I’ve pet her face…

 

Prettiest/sweetest dog in the world.

And here is the whole lot of them just hanging out on a KONG dog couch…

That’s what I got for you today…

I’m going Christmas shopping and then I’m going into the City to watch some football.

I might not post tomorrow and if I don’t… then remember I hope you have a great weekend.

A weekend that you can tell your grandkids about… when you’re too old to know any better and you have had a few too many gin drinks and your grandkid is of that age where they’re going through puberty and you want to relate to them that at some point you weren’t a foot from your death bed and you too were going to dance clubs and grinding up on people’s genitals and they even liked it sometimes. That’s the kind of weekend I hope you have.

I love you?

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10 Responses to “Pitbulls Are The Shit and The Golden Globes Are Just Shit”

  1. PWG said

    Thank you, I needed a sappy animal video today. The dog was very cute, and that kitten was really charming. I love kitten fighting style: on your hind legs, and just bat at whatever’s in front of you with alternating front paws, or sideways forward-motion running hoppy prance. Now I’m trying to imagine mountain lions fighting like that. It would be the most adorable way to die ever.

    We’re getting a kitten for Christmas. Our youngest has been pleasepleasepleasepleasing for one for a couple of years now, so I think he’s serious. That’s how we decide if you really want something at our house: if you’re still asking for it two years later. Plus he’s not only kept his fish alive that long, but he’s turned the Chinese catfish into a River Monsters contender, so I think he’s passed the responsibility test.

    Your dog’s teeth are very white and shiny, that’s the sign of good pet people.

  2. Nix said

    I want Lucy!!!!! Gracie’s sweet too, but I have a thing for anything of the pitbull or staffie variety! Happy Christmas shopping

  3. PWG said

    I was in a liquor store for research purposes a couple of weeks ago and a dude came in with his pit bull on a 15 foot leash. It’s really common to see people with their pets in stores here, but the people with pit bulls don’t normally let them wander up to small children at the end of a very long leash that’s wrapped around glass bottle displays so that tugging on it would topple 50 gallons of vodka. Just seemed a little strange.

    She was a very friendly pup, so I pet her and let my kids who were only in the booze store with me for research purposes, as I mentioned, pet her too. Dude seemed either drunk or mentally short a few bricks though, so we bought our stuff and hurried out right as I hear the cashier tell dog dude that he can’t buy the two bottles of booze he’s holding because he’s apparently a raging alcoholic. Looked like it was going to get ugly, so I was hustling the kids out and into the car when dog dude followed me out and started ranting all up in my face about what an asshole the owner of the liquor store was and how I should watch out for him. I guess since I was the only witness and his new dog-petting friend.

    I felt really bad for that dog, is my point, and expect their stories to not end well.

    • tiffanized said

      The state of Virginia sells me all my liquor so I don’t even have a store owner to blame when they won’t sell me a fifth of whatever. I don’t even know what a fifth is.

      Truth is, I’m drunk right now. I am in the company of a pit bull (as is the case in Thursdays always) and I accidentally ordered a footlong so I have too much food.

      • PWG said

        I’m wondering how much you’d have to buy before they’d stop selling it to you. I suppose I could ask killjoy store owner, or just start trying to hit that limit and keep copious misspelled liquor-stained notes.

        I order a footlong on purpose. And then eat it all.

  4. tiffanized said

    Your picture with Lucy should earn you a Golden Globe.

  5. KStewBoy said

    Dogs of most varieties give me nightmares. Pit Bulls leave me in a cold sweat when I wake. If there was ever a Pit Bull on a 15foot leash in my research liquor store I would probably pass-out right there and knock over the vodka bottle pyramid.

    • PWG said

      You know what, you’re adorable too, just like that cat up there. I’m very open to finding things adorable today. Christmas time makes me happy now that I no longer work in retail.

      Maybe that was the drunk dog dude’s plan: bring in dog on long leash, use taut leash to knock over liquor pyramid, lap vodka that they won’t sell him off the floor instead. That’s not a very good plan, though.

  6. I WANT TO HUG EVERYTHING CONTAINED WITHIN THIS POST!!!!!!

    I’ve recently started watching “Pitbulls and Parolees” on Animal Planet, which is a show about a ranch out in California staffed primarily by ex-cons that rescues pitbulls. To see what some of those dogs go through, and that they are able to forgive and still be happy and love is UNREAL to me. Humans are shitty shitty shitstains in comparison. It makes me despise people… It also makes me cry a lot so I probably shouldn’t watch it as much as I do.

  7. Munkee said

    Thank you. Again.

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