In Memorium: HBO Cancels “Bored to Death”

December 21, 2011

I hope you are having a Happy Wednesday and/or First Full Day of Hanukkah and, eventually, Second Night of Hanukkah.

It has been gravely difficult to lift my spirits since reading yesterday’s news that HBO in its infinite wisdom decided to cancel three television shows… Hung, How To Make It In America and – as you could guess from this post’s title – Bored to Death.

If you have read this blog before – firstly let me say ‘thank you’ for returning and secondly you probably know that I thought Hung was a horrible television show. Seriously, where are the guy friends? The guy was a famous athlete in Detroit and is a current basketball coach and he has a dearth of guy friends? I just mention to dudes that I freelance write for the UFC and they start buying me drinks like I’m Tits McGee. Plus, are there even that many white people living in Detroit? Good God! It was worse than He’s Just Not That Into You. That movie takes place in Baltimore and is about 40 white people and not one of them has a single interaction with a black person. Have you seen The Wire?! There’s at least 2 black people in every room of every building or house in Baltimore. And unless I missed a plot point where they explained that Thomas Jane’s two kids on the show were adopted or switched at birth or ate his two original kids then that made less sense than the Transformers trilogy.

As for How To Make It In America, there hasn’t been a single sentence written on this website suggesting that I would enjoy watching a knockoff of Entourage about making jeans. Oddly enough, I did watch more of HTMIIA (is that right?) this season than any other because actress Lake Bell started getting nude on the show. Trust me – go find that material online somewhere because it is worth it. You know how there are people who look good with their clothes on and when they take them off you’re like, “maybe you should have kept them on or some of them.” And then there are people who look good with clothes on and then when they take their clothes off you’re like, “you should burn all your clothes and actually I think you might be allergic to clothes, so never put any clothes on again.” I found out in 2011 that Lake Bell is scenario dos and I really hope she ends up on another HBO or Showtime or Starz or Playboy channel show because she needs to stay naked. She is a pretty good comedic actress (not on that particular show per say I mean there wasn’t much to work with … the show was about jeans), so maybe she can start an all naked comedy improve group. Anyway, I’m not that sad to this show go away in the grand scheme of things.

Last, but not least, obviously considering this is the post’s subject matter, Bored to Death

I loved this show.

I truly did.

There were three seasons of this television show and they are worth the watch, so I will not seek to ruin any particular storylines or such from this delightful half hour comedy… but I would like to remember the cast and the characters…

Jason Schwartzman as Jonathan Aimes.

A complicated soul trying to find his place as a writer as well as live out real life adventures as a private detective. In many ways I think Schwartzman is a comedic Al Pacino. They are of a smaller stature and where as that is never a focal point for Pacino, it is always a constant topic with Schwartzman. Jason is a great comedic actor who usually plays highly emotional characters who appear to be very fragile and are quite aggressive. They are the man with the plan and usually that plan is ill-conceived. He is also a guy who is willing to be dangerous and I guess that’s why he usually gets the ladies in all his movies. Same can be said for Pacino. And neither is surprising to me.

I have said this before that I think Jason Schwartzman is pretty high up there on the list of men that almost all women would have sex with. In some part, I feel like Jason’s ability to play with his ethnicity is part of that. I mean he is Italian or Jewish or Russian or Middle Eastern. He appeals to a lot of ethnic fetishes. Also, I think his smaller stature is a boon. I hear that women like tall men and I’m not saying they don’t, but I also think girls completely underplay their attraction level for a guy at their own height. Unless you’re 5’2″ and he’s 5’2″, but if you’re 5’2″ and he’s 6’2″ it’s a struggle with a foot of space between you two. If you’re 5’2″ and he’s 5’6″… although he is short in comparison to others – he is taller than you and you two can have your own world together. Or if you’re 5’5″ and he’s 5’6″ or if you’re 5’8″ and he’s around that. Anyway… I’m getting off track here. Schwartzman is right in your sight line and he’s in yours and he’s got his neck cologne wafting right in your nose and his nose breathing all of your scent in … I mean I think it makes sense.

And so did the creators of Bored to Death because Jason Schwartzman slept with a lot of beautiful women on the show…

Olivia Thirlby…

Trieste Kelly Dunn…

Parker Posey…

Isla Fisher… just to name a few.

Zach Galifianakis as Ray Hueston.

Yes.

There is Zach as Ray as Ray’s comicbook alternate identity “Super Ray” who has numerous super powers and all of them are derived from his massive penis. Yes, you read that correctly. I’m going to miss seeing Zach on my television dearly.

Zach is one of the best comedians living today, period. Recently, people have been seeing that with his roles in The Hangover and Due Date and I guess in that superhero guinea pig movie he voiced or something. Either way, many people had loved Zach as a stand-up comic and over the past few years we’ve gotten to love Zach as an actor. No better role has Zach played than that of Ray Hueston on Bored to Death. All three main characters on this show are basically fragile, but aggressive and creative people and all are in love with weed, liquor and adventure. These are all great elements to have in a show or a character and Zach’s character Ray may have been epicenter of the show even if Jason’s character was the protagonist.

With each season, we got to learn more about Ray and follow him around in his own obscene set of life decisions. In this past season, I really thought Zach was coming into his own by leading several episodes and even more so showing off a lot of subtle physical comedy. As edgy and new as Zach is, there is a lot of classic TV comedy in how he acts like he’s a bearded and semi-deplorable Jack Lemmon.

Hopefully, he’ll end up in something where he can stretch his legs again comedically like he did in this show and keep his beard and have ridiculous sexual escapades – Zach had a lot of sex on this show as well and almost all were with very attractive women as well, but each of his sex scenes were generally for absurdity – like he did with these women…

Heather Burns.

Kristen Wiig.

Kate Micucci.

And… for a certain few of you…

Yep… that’s Olympia Dukakis. Well done, Bored to Death… well done.

Ted Danson as George Christopher.

Ted Danson has been acting longer than I’ve been alive and even more so Ted Danson has been a famous TV actor longer than I’ve been alive – Cheers started in 1982. One would think he would stop producing high quality entertainment or stop trying so hard, but he’s actually done the opposite. In the 2000’s, the man hit his stride on TV again with several TV shows all involving his shocking white hair, which is just as amazing if not more so than the great oak finish he used to have as Sam Malone on Cheers. But of these new characters from his guest spots on Curb Your Enthusiasm to his villainous role on Damages… George Christopher was the best.

It was a great role where Danson played both compatriot and mentor to Zach and Jason throughout the show and in some ways I feel like in the making of the show too. He’s the veteran actor amongst them obviously and at the same time he’s really living his character as much as they are too. Christopher was fun always barging into the lives of Ray and Jonathan early on in the show and as the episodes went on he became their backing and they needed him as apart of their group.

Also, Christopher was a quote machine in the series. Danson got to land some of the most memorable lines about love, life, and usually weed.

And… of course… Danson had several beautiful women that he bedded on the show…

Laila Robins…

Jessica Hecht…

And even his own wife in real life…

Mary Steenburgen.

I guess what I’m realizing now is that I really enjoyed watching Jason, Zach and Ted have sex with a lot of women because apparently they did on this show.

Also, there were a lot of great guest appearances from Oliver Platt, John Hodgman and many others.

So yeah… I’m sad to see it go.

Fuck you, HBO.

Unfortunate rhyme.

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5 Responses to “In Memorium: HBO Cancels “Bored to Death””

  1. Boo. I’m sad and I’ve only seen one episode. Well, most of one episode. Time to get to downloadin’. I mean… buying dvd’s in a legal fashion?

  2. PWG said

    Since you keep insisting it’s true, I took another poll of my ladyparts. They say they still don’t want to have sex with Jason Schwartzman, and to stop asking them already.

    He has a tiny mouth, annoying hair, and the mole. Since I also have a mole on my face, it could just be that subconsciously I’m afraid we’d have babies that looked like dalmatians. I would sleep with every other person pictured on this site today before Schwartzman, including Olympia Dukakis.

  3. MyRobbie said

    I like what you’re saying about the height stuff. I never thought of it that way, but it’s completely true. I’m 5’6” and my husband’s 6’3” (did you use those exact numbers up there? weird!) and I must admit, I’d like to mack on him without being on my tiptoes. I’d like easy access, baby (NWA, holla!).

    It would depend on the guy, though, right? I mean, Tom Cruise, no, but James MacAvoy (and indeed, Jason Schwartzman), hella yes.

    We dropped HBO I guess a year and a half ago, so I’ve only seen the first season and it was fantastic. I’ve also missed out on everything Game of Thrones, which makes me sad too. But has also saved me a fuckload of time. Which I’ve wasted. OK then, rambling. Errr, great post!

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