Too Many Awards Shows = Too Many Red Carpets = Not A Sexual Innuendo

January 13, 2012

Happy fucking Friday!

WE MADE IT!!!!

This weekend I am psyched for. That was Yoda like and I didn’t intend that, but I’ll take it anyway. There are 4 more NFL playoff games with the Saints vs. the 49ers (GO 9ers!), the Broncos vs. the Patriots (GO TEBOW!), the Texans vs. the Ravens (HOOK ‘EM HORNS!) and the Giants vs. the Packers (GO… I guess G-Men, but I do like the Packers and “predicted” they would go to the Super Bowl again this year, so I like being right too… so yeah?). It should be pretty clear I’m rooting for the underdogs – minus the Packers game, which I’m sort of undecided on. That doesn’t mean I think these teams will win, of course. Safe bet says this is another home team weekend … and the Saints will win. But I don’t care about that – I want to see upsets and zaniness and for the Patriots to lose. FOOTBALL!

Also, the UFC is holding their second Brazilian event in the past 6 months in RIO. It should be a good event per usual. It’s loaded from top to bottom with Brazilians and I would bet on pretty much all of them except for Vitor Belfort because I’m picking Anthony “Rumble” Johnson to win that middleweight extravaganza. I also read an interesting article about these fights and future fights in Brazil that the UFC has to be slightly worried about soccer rivalries mixing into the UFC fandom. In Brazil, soccer is still king, but two soccer clubs have begun sponsoring two UFC fighters. For the UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva it is Corinthians Paulista from Sao Paulo and for Saturday night’s main event the UFC featherweight champion Jose Aldo it is Flamengo who are based out of Rio. The UFC is keeping their eye on fans of rival teams starting those well publicized soccer riots during a UFC event because of the association some of these fighters have with these teams. I found it darkly funny that the UFC – caged human cockfighting – doesn’t have to worry about the fans of that sport fighting or causing trouble, but they have to worry about soccer fans causing trouble and/or starting a full scale riot.

And that’s entirely true and it could eventually be true for the UFC in England as well. These two sponsorships in Brazil just started last year, so this is new ground that is being broken. But there are a few fighters from England who are starting to reach that level of celebrity and could very well reach that celebrity level this year – Michael Bisping specifically. I definitely could see that Northern England raised cagefighter being sponsored by a Manchester team and then there being the expected soccer hooligans getting involved at the next UFC show in England. I’ve said this before – maybe not on the blog, but definitely out loud to people in the world – going to an MMA event is basically harmless. There is not the same emotional connection between you and the fighters the way people associate with a particular team in football or futbol or whatever team sport. Also, you’re seeing up to 12 fights at an event and with that your attention is diverted and at the very most a fight can last 5 rounds, which is 5 minutes (25 minutes) each as opposed to a prolonged 4 hour football game or a 90+ minute futbol match.

Even though you are watching “cagefighting” – the crowd is not looking to live out their bloodthirstiness nearly as much as a football or futbol crowd does.

Anyway… I love violence.

And I hate awards shows, but I need to throw some pictures on these posts, so here are some red carpet pictures from the Critics’ Choice Movie Awards

Serkis should definitely be nominated for the Best Supporting Actor at the Oscars for his role as Caesar the monkey in Rise of the Planet of the Apes. All of his CGI created characters should be nominated. Gollum should’ve been nominated. King Kong should’ve been nominated.

He looks fine in the suit. I don’t mean fine, but just fine. I don’t get why they take pictures of the dudes at these events unless the dude is dressed like a moron. If you’ve got a black suit, white shirt, black tie then move the fuck along.

That dude is always messing with his lips…

And I would also like to go on record and say that Brad Pitt is a bulimic.

Have you seen a Brad Pitt movie in the past 6 years? In every movie, he is eating constantly. Even if he was a one take master then those movies should start with him looking Brad Pitt and end with him looking like James Gandolfini playing Brad Pitt. He eats in every scene of every movie! It’s unreal that no one has written in a 9 1/2 Weeks style sex scene for him because the dude has a conveyer belt of food coming into his mouth throughout all of these movies. The first movie of his that I noticed that in was Oceans Eleven (terrible movie) and I thought it was an interesting quirk to the character, but he does it in every movie now!

So yeah, I’m saying the dude is binging and purging all day. Also, I don’t care how many people say Money Ball is good – I’m not seeing it. I’m putting my foot down on this. Fuck that movie. They didn’t win a World Series and they’ve become a completely forgettable team since. Do you know who did a World Series? BILLY BEANE!!!! (That’s the guy who Brad Pitt is playing) He won a World Series with the Oakland Athletics when he was a player and so was Ricky Henderson, Dave Stewart, Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire, Dennis Eckersley, and a whole host of other players that I wish were in a movie and not a made up intern like Jonah Hill’s.

Yep.

I don’t think Charlize Theron could ever look bad at a red carpet, but her wearing a body hugging black dress was a good choice. This picture kind of crops out the mess of frills that are at the bottom, but seriously who cares because it’s Charlize.

Young Adult was a good flick and she’s great in it.

Didn’t I say this yesterday? No one wants to grow up faster than Chloe Morentz.

This dress looks like something, which may or may not be featured in the Snow White and the Huntsmen whenever that comes out.

Sexy ladies.

What’s there to say?

Ever since Michelle Williams got this short hair cut she looks like she’s holding onto the most devilishly clever secret. She wants IT, but the IT is to tell you the secret, but she’s so tinkled pink about keeping it a secret that she wants to not tell you, but it’s so delicious she wants to tell you at the same time. Maybe if she just whispered it with her thoughts or blinked it in Morse code.

I’m a big fan of Busy, so I’m not saying anything bad about her. I wish Cougartown was way more about her and way less about the annoying gay son who is supposed to be not gay, but c’mon no one is buying that you’re straight plus you’re an annoying actor.

Diane’s dress is interesting. I feel like her boobs are not creating that boob silhouette in the dress and that is actually stitched into the dress. Either way, I’m staring right at her boobs and that was going to happen with or without that stitching.

Yep.

The LA Times didn’t like this dress and I agreed when I saw a picture of her from the front on because the dress is pretty busy and it made her look wider than she is. From the side, she’s got the body hugging side boob thing happening and I couldn’t careless about the business of the dress. I don’t really care about awards, but if I did I would hope Ms. Olsen gets nominated for Martha Marcy May Marlene.

Meanwhile, the LA TImes loved this dress.

It’s fine I guess. I really don’t know if I like something or don’t unless I REALLY don’t like it or I REALLY like it. The rest I’m unaffected by. What I do know is that if Elle Fanning is not cast as a forest or woodland spirit in a movie sooner than later than it is a crime against cinema. Aren’t there mystical forest ethereal people in Lord of the Rings or Princess Mononoke or something? She looks like if she walks 50 feet into a forest that she loses her human form and turns into a vapor that has a silhouette of a human and can interact with nature. That’s all I’m saying.

If it ain’t broke… Emma Stone is great looking, she’s a redhead, so put her in a green dress.

BOOM.

Done.

Next.

Hey there, Evan Rachel Wood. Do you want to hear something silly? I saw your nipples today.

Yep. Both of them.

If you look hard enough… egotastic.com … you will see that ERW was topless in a magazine – not the first time and not the last.

*spoiler alert* Evan’s nipples are small and pink.

Celebrities are the silliest.

So, Jessica Chastain and Ginnifer Goodwin must shop at the same “We Vomit Pink On You” dress store.

JESSICA! Take a look at what Emma’s wearing… now – go change.

Jessica Chastain is a beautiful woman. … … … … … and she also has small pink nipples as well. Thank you, The Debt.

Ms. Dunst! The LA Times loved this dress. I do too. I mean I like it. I don’t really love any dresses. If anything, I kind of hate all dresses because they’re shielding me, you and everyone we know from seeing what everyone’s nipples look like and that’s something we all want to know.

I won’t say what Kirsten Dunsts’ nipples look like. She’s appeared naked in several films, so feel free to find those pictures and find out for yourself what they look like. That’s my homework from me to you.

Please kiss… err… Yeah, kiss.

Anyway, I want to see the movies these two are in – The Descendants and even more so The Artist.

Everything else here is looking pretty good. Two chicks holding onto each other. That works.

BAM!

Laugh it up, Clooney.

I hate you so much, Clooney.

BAM!

Viola Davis looking good. Everyone’s going nuts about her in The Help. Like Money Ball, I will probably never see The Help. I don’t doubt that she is good in it though. I saw that movie Doubt, which is basically about 4 people: Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Meryl Streep, Amy Adams and Viola Davis. Now, Hoffman and Streep are arguably the greatest ACT-TOURS of their respective generations. Adams is definitely a good actress who has been solid/great in everything she is in. But, the best scene in that movie is the one scene that Davis is in. It is a stroll in the park scene between her and Streep and the conversation goes from simple to “I’m so damn emotional and angry right now that tears are coming down my cheeks, but my voice has not been raised an octave and my face is made of stone”. That scene was worth seeing the rest of the movie and it was all Davis. Not many actresses or actors show up Streep and Davis did in that scene and it is so good.

The rest of that movie is ok. Hoffman is really great in it of course. Streep and Adams are great as well. It is a lot of great acting, but the story itself is as appealing as it is unappealing plus there’s not much of a resolution and I know that is the point of the play/movie, but it does leave you with a bitter taste in your mouth that you feel like something was missing from the whole thing.

That’s that.

Another week.

Another weekend of televised violence.

I hope you have a great weekend.

I hope you have an even better week next week.

See you Monday.

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