This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #IDK

January 20, 2012

Happy Friday!

Happy weekend!

Happy Holiday! (we live in a pretty diverse world, so it’s probably a holiday somewhere in the world today)

I don’t really have anymore “news” to talk about. I’m over politics, plus nothing much has changed. Newt is on the rise, but he was on the rise before, so who cares? Two politicians no one on the National stage fell out of the race this week, so who cares? One of those people plus Sarah “Who Gives A Shit About Sarah Palin Anymore?” Palin endorsed Newt, so who cares? In the end, Mitt is still the top dog and if Newt is rising then he needs to keep rising past South Carolina. Either way, who cares? I don’t. I’ve talked about football and I love it and could talk about it more, but until the games happen Sunday I’ll keep a lid on my excitement for them. Please God… I hope the Patriots lose. I also hope that whoever comes out of the NFC wins the Super Bowl. What else? Oh yeah, there are FREE FIGHTS on TV … TONIGHT! If you want to see some FREE FIGHTS they are on FX tonight. The main event is Jim Miller vs. Melvin Guillard. They weigh-in at 155 pounds and they’re fighting at Nashville. They’re both quite talented and both are likable dudes, but I will be rooting for Jim Miller because he’s from New Jersey… Sparta, NJ… and trains in Whippany, NJ… and I do some “training” of my own right next to the gym he trains at called AMA… the “training” I do is eating pancakes and bacon at the Original Pancake Factory, which is next to the gym… so I’m pretty much apart of his fight team, which means I’m pretty much a member of his extended family, so you’re basically rooting for my adopted brother out there! Anyway… I have also talked about how you should see Haywire this weekend because I am and because Gina Carano is the best and she was on Conan last night and was her usual sexy, awkward, breathy, fragile and yet so alpha female self. So… I don’t need to talk about that anymore and you should just start creating your own Gina Carano shrine like mine is 5 feet tall at this point… or is it?

I did have a random thought last night…

Women say they like guys with confidence. Now, there are all sorts of confidence in this world and usually confidence comes from someone already being successful in this act and that’s why they have confidence in it. Basically, if a guy is getting laid then he’ll have confidence with women, but if he’s not previously successful with women then he’ll have zero confidence trying to talk to you, the ladies. So, my suggestion – create the confidence for him. If you see a guy who you think you might like, but he has less than appropriate confidence then send your sluttiest friend (you know you’ve got them) to go boost his confidence with a bang or two. Then you can swoop in when he’s got the confidence he needs to be with you.

That’s a fool proof plan!

It is win-win-win.

Or… I guess you could put yourself on the line and bang the dude when he’s got less than stellar confidence, which certainly will raise the shit out of his confidence and then he’ll be at that appropriate confidence level. Although, that plan has a draw back if the guy knows about the previous plan because he may confuse you as the slutty friend instead of the final girlfriend friend.

There are some flaws there, but minor ones in my opinion.

Basically, a guy getting a lady is a lot like getting a job where your resume has to have the necessary experience level for one to be confident in to get that job. If you like the candidate so much and feel like giving them a shot then how about you just manufacture that resume experience for him? Right? These are the best ideas ever.

As far as the dilemma that you’re having the “sloppy seconds” of your friend… pffft… first of all – let the guy shower up unless you’re doing a three way…

Second, if you get your friend drunk enough – which if she is the slutty one is probably already really drunk as is – she won’t remember what sex she had…

Third, you’re always getting someone’s metaphorical “sloppy seconds” or “thirds” or “eighths” unless you date exclusively virgins and that my friend is a fetish…

So… sort that amongst yourselves…

Oh right?! If you don’t have a slutty friend… get one. I can’t stress that enough. They are great to have around. They can be used in so many ways – that’s what she said – and can provide an obscene amount of comedy and entertainment and their daily drama in their life will always leave you speechless. They’re the Swiss Army knife of life. You just throw one of those bad bears into your purse or just add a slut to an email chain or your wine club and you’re good to fucking go. Adopt a slut into your life. You won’t be sorry. I promise.

That’s all I think.

Thoughts?

I hope you have a great weekend.

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3 Responses to “This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #IDK”

  1. tiffanized said

    I have much experience in the field of being the slutty friend. Also, I have references to that effect. The drama, the entertainment, the sloppy, I’ve got it all. 976-TIFF.

  2. KStewBoy said

    Tiff – you forgot to include the area code. Update please.

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