No Monday Is A Fun-day When It Starts Out At The Dentist

January 23, 2012

Happy Monday to you and yours and by yours I mean that sexy body that you’ve been teasing the neighbors with…

I, on the other hand, will be visiting the DENTIST!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

WHY GOD WHY?!!!!!

The DENTIST as well all know is actually … D.E.N.T.I.S.T. … which means:

D – Devil

E – Evil

N – Nutjob

T – Tyrant

I – Ice-Cream-Hater

S – Sadist

T – Hitler

The last T is actually just a place holder for the word Hitler. I’m not sure why that is, but I’m not a dentist who went to dentist school to become the Lucifer of Teeth.

I don’t really know why everyone hates dentists, but … Oh WAIT I DO KNOW! It has a lot to do with the metal hook they take and scrape it across your gum line. That’s 1 big reason.

Anyway… that’s happening in like 40 minutes and I’m not at all psyched, so let’s talk about something else.

FOOTBALL

The games were both good and entertaining. The Ravens/Patriots game was crazy entertaining, but not the outcome I would have liked. I really didn’t want to see the Patriots in the Super Bowl no matter what. The Ravens got so close to beating the Patriots and then they got so close to tying the Patriots and then they went home on an airplane and haven’t spoken a single fucking word since because they lost to the Patriots. Seriously, that was crazy. If I played for the Ravens, I wouldn’t have let the former kicker Billy Cundiff nor the former wide receiver Lee Evans on the plane to come home. I would have stopped them way before we got to the airport – “Nah, you two are going to have to find your own way home.” Also, I would suggest to them that Baltimore is probably not their home anymore and they should consider relocating to Massachusetts or go to Buffalo where Lee Evans was playing last season. I’m sure Lee can figure out how to get from Foxboro to Buffalo and once there he could suggest could real estate people.

On the other hand, if I was Billy Cundiff I would have called my wife and kids and told them to start making their way to at the very least New York City immediately after I missed the game tying chip shot kick. I’m from the Baltimore area originally and it is nice and all in parts, but it’s easy enough to leave. Believe that.

As for the Giants/49ers game… I was torn at the beginning of the game because I didn’t exactly care who won as long as they beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl. Out of the two teams, the Giants have a better shot at beating the Pats in my opinion because they have a more dynamic offense than the 49ers. Both are great teams, but the 49ers do not have equal running and passing option as the Giants do and that is key when you’re trying to win a fucking Super Bowl. Anyway, amazing year by the 49ers. There was a lot of magic happening on that team and hopefully they can bottle it and do it again next year. Their defense played like fucking MEN all season and during that game and if it wasn’t for the two BONEHEAD plays of punt returner Kyle Williams then 49ers may have won this game in regular time.

As for Kyle Williams, if I played for the 49ers I would have took him outside the stadium and pointed him to the bridge that separates San Francisco and Oakland and told, “just walk your ass over to Oakland because no one in this town wants to see your face again.” And I would not be lying or being dramatic. There may be a spot on the Oakland Raiders for Kyle. There may be a spot on some other team for Kyle, but for damn sure there is no spot on the 49ers for him anymo’.

Super Bowl REMATCH – Patriots vs. Giants.

Both teams had a tough bone bruising game, but they have 2 weeks to sit on it and heal and then play in a dome in Indianapolis, so there’s that.

I’m rooting for the Giants obviously.

MOVIES

I saw Haywire with the lovely Gina Carano. I liked the movie. My problems with it really came down to two things that I think I highlighted before hand…

1. The trailers showed way too fucking much. The action scenes were great in the movie and they would have been even more great if I hadn’t seen them 10x over in the trailers. The fight scene Gina has with Michael Fassbender is a great scene all around, but they show the whole damn thing in the trailer, so that kind of takes the sting out of it.

2. I’m not a fan of Steven Soderbergh’s directing, so my problems with his other movies fall into play here as well. One thing Soderbergh does is make SLOW like SLOW movies. All of his movies are slow. From Ocean’s Eleven to The Informant! to Che to Che part 2 to ALL OF THEM. This one is slow as well. It is like a female Drive where it is so fucking slow at points with random action scenes. What Drive had was an emphasis on two things that helped you cope – music and ridiculousness. The action scenes were so bloody and over-the-top that they made up for slowness. The music in Haywire is more or less meandering background jazz music, where as in Drive it was three dark electronic jams that spoke to your soul. So there’s a difference there.

All-in-all, I think Gina Carano did a fine job as a movie star and an even better job as an action star. I really hope and expect to see her in more movies. I’m not sure why she wouldn’t be.

Fuck it is dentist time… wish me luck.

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5 Responses to “No Monday Is A Fun-day When It Starts Out At The Dentist”

  1. tiffanized said

    Good luck. I went to the dentist last week and had a diagnosis of four cavities, but it was really a good thing because I usually walk out of there with a root canal appointment so just four fillings sounds like a day at the amusement park, only with slightly less vomiting.

    I wanted a non color complimentary Super Bowl with the purple and black Ravens clashing with the red and gold 49ers. But no, the Patriots and the Giants are just going to go up in there being all matchy matchy with their red white and blues. It’s a vast right wing conspiracy, I tell you, because it’s in an election year. I’d expound on this theory but I have to put my tinfoil hat back on.

  2. Kimberlesk said

    I completely share your sentiments about Dentists!! I loathe going — I’d actually rather go to the gyno than the dentist! As for the Superbowl — all that matters is the commercials anyway — hopefully some good peaks of a few summer flicks — specifically TDNR! Here’s hoping Madonna doesn’t make too big a fool of herself — I love Madonna — but the Superbowl Half Time Show is the kiss of death.

  3. You know when Monday IS a Fun-day? When you find the flask you “forgot” in your purse over the weekend, and it still has vodka in it.

    Good luck at the dentist. May your teeth be as sparklingly white and flawless as that skin of yours.

  4. PWG said

    I also have a noticeable lack of enthusiasm for this Monday. I’m trying to decide if my very old dog needs to be put down or not. That’s a barrel of laughs and sunshine right there. He’s not able to walk today, and if that sad state of affairs continues tomorrow I guess that’ll be that and I can expect to be a basket case for a while. Stupid not-invented-yet dog bionics.

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