More February DUMP MONTH Movies’ Previews – Part Zwei

January 25, 2012

WOOOOO!!!! Happy Wednesday!!! Hump Day!!! GETTING YO’ HUMP ON!!!!

And by “hump on”, I mean drinking Keurig coffee and typing up hilarious movie previews for a bunch of anonymous page clickers. So basically every week day I’m getting my “hump on”. Either way, Happy Hump Day. Hump something or someone.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUKC UFKC FUKCUADKFUCK ASDFUKCUFKCUFKFDSUAFASDFASDFasd]f

I wrote this whole fucking post of 2500 some odd words and fucking WordPress dicked me over and logged me out and never saved any of it and now it is all gone. The only thing it saved was that hump day shit up there and the posters. I fucking hate hate hate this fucking site.

I fucking hate people forever now. Now you’ll get an express version of this bullshit.

FUCK!!!!!!!

THE VOW

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50 First Dates?! AGAIN?!!!!

Not seeing this.

THIS MEANS WAR

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Not sold on Reese Witherspoon anymore. She’s a step up from Jen Aniston, but would rather have Rachel McAdams in this role. I am looking forward to the movie because it does look pretty fun. I have my fingers crossed that the conclusion of the movie will be a staring contest during a Devil’s threeway and whoever blinks first loses.

They should remake this movie next year with Channing Tatum as the Reese Witherspoon role and that right there is your Oscar for Slash fan fic. Plus I think Tom Hardy may be more into chasing around Channing than Reese.

GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE

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Are you kidding me? I can’t believe they actually went on and made this movie. If you see this movie in theaters then we’re not friends anymore.

THE SECRET WORLD OF ARRIETTY

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If you like Howl’s Moving Castle or Spirited Away then see this movie. If not then don’t because it is the exact same movie as those two.

If you’ve never seen any of those movies or the other movies from this director then see Princess Mononoke because it rules and then move on.

ACT OF VALOR

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Interesting twist on things have real Navy Seals play Navy Seals instead of hiring mediocre actors like Carlos Estevez aka Chuck Sheen to play them. This movie should’ve come out in November alongside Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 and Battlefield 3 and it would have been a huge success. Back then all the 18-34 dudes were in a never ending cycle of playing the game, eating pizza, masturbating, playing the game, eating pizza, masturbating and if this movie was in theaters they would’ve hit the pause button for 90 minutes to see it. It won’t do near the business now than it would have in the second week of November. But I’ll still see it.

GONE

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This looks terrible. Do you like Kiss the Girls? Do you want to see a horrible version of Kiss the Girls? Then you got your wish.

Not seeing this.

GOOD DEEDS

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Whether Tyler Perry is dressed as himself or an angry black grandmother, if you haven’t seen his other movies why would you see this? It’s pretty clear cut who watches Perry stuff and who doesn’t at this point and if you do then you have another movie to see and if you don’t then you can not see this one as well.

Not seeing this.

WANDERLUST

It doesn’t look too good, but I’ve got free time on my hands and I’m usually drunk during that free time, so I’ll probably end up seeing this. I’m hoping for Ken Marino to have a lot of screen time and that Malin Akerman takes her top off again. Please Lord answer my prayers.

That’s it.

Fuck Dump Month.

Fuck WordPress.

I love you for reading this.

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3 Responses to “More February DUMP MONTH Movies’ Previews – Part Zwei”

  1. I’m going to need so many flasks of vodka to get through February’s movies.

    I’m sorry WordPress was a whore.

  2. KStewBoy said

    Thank you KSWI for pointing out the futility that is a February move. I have been on this planet a long time and I have never, ever, ever made this connection. Thankfully we still have sports this time of year.
    Kristen Stewart Wants It.

  3. tiffanized said

    I thought it WAS Channing Tatum in “This Means War” and that the name of the movie was “Valentine’s Day” so I’m guessing the team that made the commercial I saw should be fired.

    I’m just hoping Alan Alda takes his top off in “Wanderlust”.

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