February 8, 2012

Happy Wednesday! Happy Hump Day!

And all that…

Anyway, nothing is happening at all anymore… IN ALL OF THE WORLD! I didn’t know that was possible. I know that over 100 million people watched the Super Bowl and those people have a little bit of an excuse for not doing anything yet. A little bit. Not even that much of an excuse. I mean let’s say 120 million people in the US of A watched the game, not all of them were invested in it. There were a lot of people watching the game as an excuse to get real drunk on a Sunday late afternoon/early evening and/or stuff their faces with food usually reserved for a Golden Buffet find dining experience. Not all 120 million people gave a crap for good or for bad that Wes Welker missed that catch, a good chunk of that 120 million people just wanted to eat an entire bag of Doritos in mixed company while washing it down with cheap beer and not be judged for once. I saw you, Becky. I saw you eat the whole bag, no one else even had a chip, you drank 5 beers, burped the whole time, and come Monday you didn’t tell your personal trainer any of it! Don’t think I wasn’t watching.

But… 120 million? That’s it. In the US of A alone that leaves 200 million unaccounted for people who have done absolutely NOTHING since the Super Bowl. Where are you at ladies? Where are all the proud ladies who chose not to watch the Super Bowl to instead catch-up on Homeland or talking penises over some appletinis at a Fridays. Where are you at? You have no excuse for not filling up my timeline with choice nuggets of brilliance and hilarity. The status updates on Facebook? BORING. What about the fucking NEWS? THE NEWS?! What news?! What in the hell is going on anymore?


Are you seriously trying to sit there and shit me some shit about shitty politics?! There isn’t anything happening in politics. What’s happened? Huh? Explain it to me. Oh… uh huh… Rick Santorum… uh huh… oh he won another stupid primary in the state that has elected a professional wrestler to be Governor, a certifiable CRAZY WOMAN to be a congress-woman, and a former writer for Saturday Night Live to be a Senator? Oh he won that state. That’s news? That’s news to you? WHO THE FUCK CARES. Get the fuck out of here with that nonsense. That’s not news. That’s just shit. Shitty shitty shit. What else you got, WORLD?


Gays can marry in California? GAYS CAN MARRY IN CALIFORNIA?! Great. What the hell does that have to do with me? I’m not gay nor am I getting married in California. That’s like telling me there is news about a buy one get one free at Lord & Taylor for PANTY! HOSE! What do I care?! I better go stuck up on my pantyhose and gay marriages while I can.

While on the topic of gays, when are they going to try and turn me gay? When is that going to happen?! Is there a list? Is there? Am I just far down on the list of them attempting to turn me gay? I’d like to know. Apparently, everyone else is being chased around by gay people who want them to be gay as well. Then there’s the “One Million Moms” or whatever who are opposed to Ellen DeGeneres being a spokes-woman for J.C. Penney… are they going to try and turn me gay at J.C. Penney? First, I have to go find a J.C. Penney. Second, wouldn’t gay people stereotypically be luring you to a more high end fashion store like … hmmmm… I don’t even know. What’s high end fashion? I can’t even think of a high end fashion store. That’s how shitty the gays have done at converting me! Burberry? That’s how you spell it right? Burberry, not Pinkberry? Do people even shop at this place still? Wasn’t it just plaids? Is plaid gay now? Well, I’m fucked if it is because I do own a lot of plaid. If the first step of turning me gay was making me like plaid then good job, gays. What else?


The New York Knicks are a God awful team this year just like 2/3’s of the NBA. Apparently, the Knicks found an Asian kid from Harvard and stuck him at point guard – seriously, why not because you can only lose a game once, so they’re already doing that much. He’s doing pretty well considering… he’s a tiny Asian man who went to Harvard playing for the New York Knickerbockers. That’s it. That’s the story there. That’s how boring America and the world has gotten. What else?


… which is an homage to this…

It’s Norman Rockwell’s “The Runaway” reimagined by Luke Radi.

I found it on this webpage where there are more reimaginings of old paintings…

That’s all I got.

I’m sort of stressed out, which makes me more starved for entertainment to get my mind off of shit, which is bad because I should be focusing on the things that stress me out, but that’s not how I work. Maybe one day I’ll get hypnosis therapy to fix me.

Until then…

Have a good day.



  1. You seem stressed out…you need a massagey massage with scented oils and candles and stuff…no news is sometimes good news…and I can’t watch the news right now because all anyone is talking/writing/posting about is poor Welker’s missed catch. Leave him alone, people, he’s a phenom most of the time!

    Or chocolate…you need lots and lots of dark chocolate which I have been devouring for obvious reasons since Sunday…I blame you entirely (oh, and PMS….no, I don’t blame you for PMS, although most males in my vicinity are getting blamed by association or is it disassociation?…dark chocolate I mean, is also good for PMS…not that you would know or care unless you are in the vicinity of a PMSing Patriots woman fan-which you are not as I am only an online former follower of your blog).

    OK, obviously I’m still following….sigh. Just sad they lost. Still love you though! And sorry for the word vomit, thanks for listening!

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