KSWI Presents: The Oscars Are Stupid; Here Are My Oscars

February 16, 2012


Happy Thursday!

I’m running high on blood lust (UFC fights last night on Fuel TV were great), Lin-sanity (Jeremy Lin is 7-0 and had 13 assists last night in less than 3 full quarters, so he sat out the rest of the game with a job well done in defeating the Kings), and coffee (magical dark elixir that if you put enough of it inside of you you feel like you can stop bullets like Neo and it is somehow PERFECTLY LEGAL!). Regardless, today’s post is more of a conversation starter I suppose – although I’m generally just talking to myself … always – about last year’s movies and, more so, the ones worth seeing.

The OSCARS are supposed to be picking the best and the brightest, but more often than not I think they fail and pick some other random ass movies that no one cared about or something. My thoughts on best movies this year and best acting didn’t really coincide with their thoughts, which does happen a lot. Slumdog Millionaire? Are you fucking kidding me? There was this little movie called THE DARK KNIGHT that came out that year that just so happened to be the GREATEST MOVIE EVER and it wasn’t nominated for anything. Also, The Wrestler came out that year to and wasn’t nominated for anything. I hate the Oscars!

Needless to say, I’m going to share with you my nominations for the top 6 awards: movie, actor, actress, supporting actor, supporting actress, and director. Before I get to those choices, I will say I didn’t see every movie last year – same goes for those screw heads picking who won best picture and so forth, but I want to make that clear. Specifically, I didn’t see The Help, Shame, The Artist, My Week with Marilyn, Hugo, Moneyball, and Albert Nobbs. I didn’t see Extremely Loud and blah blah blah or War Horse, but everyone seems to be in agreement that those movies shouldn’t have been nominated even though they were. I mentioned Shame even though it wasn’t nominated for anything because it sounds like if I did see it then I might wanted to have nominated Michael Fassbender and maybe the movie in general – I’m not sure. Either way, it’s not on the list because I didn’t see it yet and not that it is bad – I do really want to see it even if it is a glorified film about Fassbender’s slick willy.

Anyway… onto the nominations… if you have nominations of your own then I would love to hear them. And if you only saw Fast Five this year and want to nominate it for every award then I want to hear that too because honestly I like the sounds of that a whole lot better than some of this other crap. OSCARS!


Cedar Rapids

Another Earth


13 Assassins

Young Adult

The Trip

Point Blank


Martha Marcy May Marlene



So, that couldn’t look any different than the Oscars could it? I think my “best movie” would be The Trip. I thought that movie was absolutely perfect. I think that 50/50 and Drive were really close as well as Point Blank, but I think The Trip was just sublime. I’ve rewatched it several times and it doesn’t get any less funny or clever or well-made or any of that. It’s really just so good.

Honorable mentions…

Midnight in Paris

Source Code

Attack the Block

I liked Midnight in Paris a lot, but not as much as the Oscar people apparently. I really liked it a lot, but the end was meh and Rachel McAdams’ character was too easily unlikable and I thought the other movies were more complete. I think Source Code was wildly underrated and for what Attack the Block was supposed to be – it was near perfect.


Ryan Gosling – Drive

Joseph Gordon-Levitt – 50/50

Andy Serkis – Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Steve Coogan – The Trip

Rob Brydon – The Trip


I think both Brydon and Coogan were the stars of The Trip equally and both were flawless. They gave easily the best comedic performances this year as well as lingering emotional moments. It felt as much real life as it did scripted and it was near impossible to tell the difference when it was one or the other. JGL gave his best performance yet in my opinion. I did really like 500 Days of Summer and probably would have nominated him for that as well that year, but I like what JGL did in this movie because it felt more true to life. In 500 Days of Summer it was both a reach as far as trying to be the most indie rock boyfriend as well as being the biggest fucking pushover ever. JGL in 50/50 was a more complete character and obviously showed a dramatic emotional range that really nailed the tone of the movie. No one does CGI better than Andy Serkis. I would have nominated him for Gollum and possibly nominated him for King Kong as well. For RotPofA, Serkis delivers another dramatic physical and silent performance that really only he can do. He’s a one of a kind talent and he should be recognized for it. Lastly, Ryan Gosling in Drive is one of those crazy memorable performances. He is both a vacant stranger and a razor sharp focused killing machine. I never thought Ryan Gosling could appear as intense as he did in that movie and I never thought I would buy Gosling as The Terminator, but I did in Drive. At the same time, he played a gentle character who is more or less thrust into being awful and that was interesting as well.

Honorable mentions:

Owen Wilson – Midnight in Paris

Michael Fassbender – X-Men: First Class

Brendan Gleeson – The Guard

Paul Rudd – Our Idiot Brother

I think all four of them did great jobs as well. For Rudd, he made that whole damn movie. You bought that character through and through and he was in almost every scene interacting with every character and did so flawlessly. Underrated comedic effort. I didn’t think The Guard was a great movie as much as it was a very good movie. The reason that it was only very good was because they didn’t develop much past Gleeson, but Gleeson was great in what they had him do. As for Wilson and Fassbender, I think they both took roles that had been previously done and made them their own with their own quirks, but more so made us forget about the other person who used to play those roles. Fassbender was competing with Ian McKellan and Wilson was competing with Woody Allen, but both did great jobs in those situations.


Miranda July – The Future

Elizabeth Olsen – Martha Marcy May Marlene

Charlize Theron – Young Adult

Rooney Mara – Girl with a Dragon Tattoo

Brit Marling – Another Earth


I have no honorable mentions in this category because Hollywood doesn’t have many good roles for women and the Oscar nominated roles I didn’t see. I bet if I did see My Week with Marilyn she would have taken Brit’s spot. I doubt I would have nominated Streep. Maybe Glenn Close, but I’ve heard that wasn’t that great. And, I couldn’t careless about The Help. I thought Viola Davis should’ve won for Doubt, so I bet she’s fine in The Help, but seriously?! I’m not seeing The Help. I almost put just 4 names up there because I do think Brit Marling is a little of a stretch, but on second thought she was quite good in the movie. The other four were great. I thought Miranda July nailed it again being this wildly eccentric version of I guess herself while walking this fine line of sexual deviance and sheer child-like innocence. Elizabeth Olsen was similarly great of sexual energy, innocence, and of course paranoid, afraid for her life, tense, et cetera. Charlize was untouchable in Young Adult as a main character you sort of hated and at the same time were enthralled by – you were rooting for her to fail, but kind of to win, which would have been sick if she did. Funny, twisted, appealing, and disgusting. Rooney did what Fassbender and Wilson did with a role that is 1000X more complicated and more difficult. Rooney had to live up to and make her own the Lisbeth Salander role and she did so amazingly. She was sexy, she was dark, she was powerful, and she was fragile.


John C. Reilly – Cedar Rapids

Albert Brooks – Drive

Seth Rogen – 50/50

John Hawkes – Martha Marcy May Marlene

Patton Oswalt – Young Adult


Firstly, I would give the damn award to John C. Reilly. The Oscars don’t give enough credit to comedic performances. I’m not talking about some guy sticking his dick in a pie or anything type of comedy, but taking the script and making those lines seem believable from that character’s mouth and making it memorable. I think Reilly is one of the most under-appreciated actors in this generation. He gets a lot of work, so people do recognize that, but he’s so good in what he does. As for the rest, I think both Seth and Patton do great jobs being both funny and sad and both do tremendous jobs. That’s 2 for Patton as he was also really great in Big Fan. Hawkes is similarly subtle and terrifying in MMMMas he was in Winter’s Bone last year. And Albert Brooks did a great job as a menacing villain, which was completely unexpected. I bet Scorcese or whatever would have cast him in all of his previous movies if he only knew.

Honorable mention:

Joseph Gordon-Levitt – Hesher

William Mapother – Another Earth

JGL was really good in Hesher, but I think the other guys above were better and not just playing up to the ridiculousness of it all. Lastly, Mapother was good in Another Earth and should be at least mentioned solely for the scene where he plays a saw and how truly unique of a scene that was and how oddly emotional it was.


Ellen Page – Super

Melissa McCarthy – Bridesmaids

Anna Kendrick – 50/50

Elle Fanning – Super 8

Shailene Woodley – The Descendants


Again, I’ve only got 5 for you on this one. The actual nominees were mostly from those same movies that the first women were nominated for. I do agree on the Melissa McCarthy nomination. She stole a lot of the scenes in Bridesmaids and did what John C. Reilly did in Cedar Rapids, which was making every line gold. At 42, Melissa is the old vet in comparison to the rest of these young ladies that I nominated. I thought Super was a great movie and in large part it was do to Ellen Page really nailing both the violence, the innocence, and the sexual perversion of the film. Her character was the perfect storm of it all and damn she looked good it that super hero costume. On the other hand, I didn’t love Super 8, but I thought Elle Fanning was really quite good in it and did her last name proud. Anna Kendrick delivered in the same way that Seth and JGL delivered in 50/50 as did that whole movie. Lastly, Shailene, oh Shailene… in the end I didn’t really like The Descendants and kind of don’t understand all the fuss about it. I think George was good in the movie and in particular the one big emotional scene at the end, which the trailers are now ruining for everyone. But the rest? I didn’t find George that funny in the movie or care about him in the way the movie wanted me to. On the other hand, if there was any regular comedy in the movie it stemmed more from Shailene who played stride for stride with Clooney in each and every scene they were in together, which was a lot. She played emotional, she played distant, she played easy going at times, and so on and so forth. Lastly, the most memorable thing from that damn movie is Shailene in a string bikini throughout it and that was certainly worth watching.


13 Assassins

Point Blank


Another Earth

Fast Five


I definitely have a different opinion of directors than the Oscars do. I had a really hard time narrowing this down to 5. I think you could mix and match with my honorable mentions and they would be just as well. I didn’t look up the names. I know most of them off the top of my head, but I’m lazy and just remember that these movies were directed by someone.

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol

Girl with a Dragon Tattoo

Young Adult

Attack the Block

Source Code

The Future


Martha Marcy May Marlene

Essentially, I think action directors get little to no credit in filmmaking. Sure, it is difficult to director drama and I’m not saying that, but I doubt whoever directed The Iron Lady did nearly as much as Tarsem Singh did with Immortals. That movie is a feast for your eyes and insatiable sex/blood lust. It is a wild frenzy of a movie. Meanwhile, are you telling me that The Iron Lady wasn’t really just point and shoot at Meryl Streep? I think action movies deserve a ton of credit especially good ones. There is a huge difference between what Justin Lin accomplished in Fast Five than what was previously accomplished in the other movies. This was an entertainment explosion for literally ANYONE. If you had seen or hadn’t seen the other movies – who cares?! That movie was just a riot from beginning to end and to do that with terrible actors like Vin Diesel and Paul Walker and to do that with a franchise that is pretty well known for being horrendous – it’s damn near unheard of. How many movie franchises do you know that gets a jolt of energy in the 5th one?!

I probably in the end would give it Refn for Drive because the overall feel of that movie is unique to itself and is done so tremendously.

What are your Oscar picks?!


3 Responses to “KSWI Presents: The Oscars Are Stupid; Here Are My Oscars”

  1. MyRobbie said

    It’s funny that you put The Trip way up there, because I recently saw it and am in complete agreement. And here I thought I was all alone! Also, I might have a little bit of a Steve Coogan situation going on here. Just watched Knowing Me, Knowing You via Netflix discs and am next getting I’m Alan Partridge. Then Coogan’s Run, then the most recent web series based on Alan Partridge and then maybe I’m buying Alan Partridge’s autobiography. Like I said, a situation. I have no idea why.

    I had, about two years ago, a Rob Pattinson situation that has thankfully run its course, so I was unknowingly in the market for a situation and it kind of found me. I’ve been avoiding watching Downton Abbey or reading any Hunger Games so that I could avoid obsessions, but they kind of find me. Oh and what’s nice about my Steve Coogan sitch is that it is far more feasible than the Pattz sitch as Steve’s older than me! More age appropriate! What what!

    Also, you watch an eff of a lot of movies. That’s wonderful. I haven’t seen a fraction of the ones you have! You know what? The Trip was based on I think six hours of footage of them in an official TV series in England. I need to go see if it’s all available.

    I think I’ll bookmark this post for a few months from now when I can rent these movies. Thanks for that!

  2. Martiti said

    Finally! Someone says Drive should have been nominated! I loved that movie thought the acting was fantastic and Ryan Gosling was amazing. Like Pretty in Pink with guns. Join the academy and nominate movies that matter.

  3. KStewBoy said

    Finally someone validates my crush on Shailene Woodley. I know I’m a dirty old man for really enjoying her so much in The Descendants (a movie I like much more than you did), but I’m glad I’m not alone in that… now to google her age to see just how old and dirty I really am.

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