This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #DIESEL, VIN DIESEL

February 24, 2012

Happy Friday!

I hope you had a wonderful week of … something. What did you have this week? Either way, I hope it was good. Like when you get up to a parking meter and you only have two nickels and you’re bargaining with yourself whether going into that convenience store and actually conversing with the cashier or figuring out with simple math how much change you’ll get back from a nominal purchase will be worth the effort against not putting any money into the meter and chancing a $30 parking ticket, but as you approach the meter it reads 1 hour and 47 minutes as if the person who disappeared without a trace just walked out of a secret showing of Doctor Zhivagohalf way thru because they don’t really appreciate fine filmmaking and instead just wants to see Julia Roberts solve her problems with foreign food and stretching, but this is a boon for you because now you can use that idiot’s meter time and no one will tell a soul.

So, that good? Because that’s good. That’s like a mini-miracle good. That’s like one of those stories you think are “funny” and you tell other people and if they do laugh then you know they’re being insincere and just laughing at whatever you have to say to make you drop your guard and later steal something from you like your kidneys because it’s not a “funny” story and is more of a story of good fortune for you that should be taken to your grave with you.

Either way, happy Friday!

I don’t think anything news wise has really caught my attention between last night and today. I do know that the NBA All-Star game aka Black Thanksgiving – it’s ok to laugh because it’s true and a black initially wrote it – is this weekend and I have little to no intention on watching it. I do plan on watching the UFC this weekend as JERSEY’S OWN Frankie “The Answer” Edgar will defend his UFC lightweight (155 pounds) championship against Benson Henderson in … JAPAN! Saitama, Japan! I couldn’t be more excited to watch those fights. As for Sunday night, well, there are the Oscars and I have zero intentions on watching those either. Billy Crystal? Almost no nominations I agree with? What’s the fucking point? I’ll probably do a Oscar red carpet recap on Monday though or who knows with me.

But today is today and I need something to be done for today and thankful a man, myth, legend, and less than mediocre actor VIN “MOTHERFUCKING” DIESEL has a Facebook group – Vinbook – that is ABSOLUTELY INSANE!

The gallery of pictures that I stole these from is right about here – http://www.uproxx.com/webculture/2012/02/vin-diesel-would-like-to-motivate-you-on-facebook/#page/1

Here are some of my favorites…

I’m already both creeped the fuck out and positively titillated about the possibilities.

The internet is crazy. People who love Vin Diesel are crazy. Crazy x Crazy = MY HAPPINESS!

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU, JESUS errr VIN DIESEL! VIN DIESELUS!

Seriously, the second picture is already talking about angels – where on Earth could they go to next when their craziness is already knocking on the gates in Heaven?!

FUCK YEAH, VIN DIESEL! FUCK FUCKING YEAH!

I can’t stop smiling looking at this damn picture. You son-of-a-gun Vin Diesel. You have an infectious smile.

I hope you always have a reason to smile as well… I’m talking to you the commentators/readers… Vin’s always got a reason to smile because he’s filthy rich.

With… out… words.

I don’t know why, but at first I thought those hands were just hands doing like hand origami and that the “salaried jobs” really just said “hand jobs” and I was like my brain is seriously fucked up. Either way, I think this is supposed to be a loving tribute to mothers, but all I can think of is Vin Diesel showing up to each and every place of residence on Mother’s Day and putting the wood to any mothers that reside inside like a literal motherfucking Santa Claus.

That still warms my heart for some reason.

This is the scariest fucking thing I have ever seen. I have no idea what any of this is or what that quote is really supposed to mean in this context, but all it says to me is that if you fuck with Vin Diesel or his facebook group then his followers will come burn your fucking house down. That’s what that says to me.

Vin’s got that I just want to look at you naked in complete silence, which is supposed to be sexy I suppose, but would really only make me feel like I was Dexter’s next victim.

30 Million… as in fans on Facebook. You got that right. Now are you more or less worried about the future of mankind?

Awwwww… Vin Diesel touching his ghost pony. Yeeeeeeeeeeep.

I think I’m falling in love with Vin Diesel.

I hope you have a great weekend.

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2 Responses to “This Week In Kristen Stewart Wants IT #DIESEL, VIN DIESEL”

  1. tiffanized said

    Vin Diesel is not on my list. Of anything. The last picture looks like he’s merged with the horse in an almost cross-species centipede thing.

    I started my weekend last night at my favorite dive bar where I was (choose one):
    A. Bitten on the back of the arm by a man I’d just met
    B. Offered a drink by a very small man in a red sequined hat with a foot fetish (and not for the first time)
    C. Told I could not purchase a “Joose”
    D. All of the above.
    The correct answer is D because my life is a circus act.

    We don’t have many parking meters here. We fight for the death for the right to park in one spot and leave our cars there for eternity.

  2. The only thing I see wrong with any of this is the font choice in number 3 up there. Comic Sans?! How dare that “fan” soil His Dieselness’ likeness with such a joke of a typeface.

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