Someone Already Called Miley Cyrus A “Gypsy Prostitute” aka HUNGER GAMES Red Carpet

March 13, 2012

Happy Tuesday!

Is it Tuesday? I learned something today, whatever day it is, if you listen to a half dozen men with hammers hammering nails into wood non-stop with the anger of a 1000 Suns all morning then it erases your short term memory … and possibly your long term memory. All my brain knows right now is it hates me and those men and wants the world to end. There are all these different torture methods you hear of like waterboarding, that one drip of water into the middle of your forehead, blasting people with loud music all the time, and so on. But no form of torture is as positive as simply building a fucking house next to someone’s bedroom or really any construction project in general. I’m sure if they were tearing up the asphalt outside of my house to then put new asphalt down to fix the roads then I would hate life just as much. Anyway, my hurts, so, happy Tuesday!

On to the wondrous post…

Yesterday was the premiere ofThe Hunger Games somewhere and there were all the stars of the movie and they walked a red carpet and they looked lovely and I have pictures from it that someone else took, but these comments will be all my own. Got it?

THE HUNGER GAMES

J. Law! Looking good “J. Law” which is the nickname I just created … I think. J. Law is a beautiful and hot bodied and it would be difficult to put her into any dress of any sort and her not be able to look incredible in it. With that being said, that’s what I think is happening here. I do like that there is some skin being shown. I’m always pro-skin. You can quote me on that. PRO-SKIN! But she has decided to cover all of her as the late Patrice O’Neal would say “titty meat” and I believe that was a misstep. This dress reminds me of some of the Sun/Ra worshipping outfits Jaye Davidson wore in Stargate. Let’s be honest here and say that’s probably not a good thing. I did love Stargate, so what do I know – maybe a Stargate inspired red carpet dress is exactly what J. Law should be wearing.

Give my regards to King Tut, asshole! – GOOD FUCKING MOVIE!!!!

Jennifer has been in a bunch of these red carpet galleries and her appearances are usually boner and lady boner producing and this one may be the least of those. The red dress at the Oscars and then she was in a white cleavagey dress recently. Those were good days.

E. BANKS! I have no idea how old Elizabeth Banks is, but whatever it is it would be a shock. This is going to sound mean, but it’s not as mean as it will sound. Her face looks more plastic than the dress. See that sounds mean, but it’s either the picture, the make-up, her whitey white skin, the facial positioning and/or she did have something done. I don’t think it is the latter and I think it is all the former combined. From her lily white skin and youthful appearance plus make-up that has an emphasis on creating no discernible lines or color changes on her face to remove all hint of any edge or boundary markers to the light of day kind of washing her out… it kind of looks like Elizabeth is wearing a mask of herself. It’s an odd picture. As for the dress, well, it’s weird, but it’s cute and she’s cute and she’s got this cute personality to pull off all this cuteness. My only issue is that it is so colorful while she looks so colorless, so it kind of creates the illusion that this dress is on the prettiest mannequin.

Here she is! Your gypsy prostitute! Here she is! Miley Cyrus! Actually, this is absolutely the best I’ve ever seen Miley Cyrus ever look. She’s an attractive chick with a great body, but usually she looks like a used up trucker whore at the age of 16 going on 35. In this, she looks like she’s going salsa dancing in Miami circa 1992. I feel like Antonio Banderas is in this movie playing the owner of the club/lothario extraordinaire/eventual mentor who teaches our helpless male lead to dance and be confident in wooing Miley. I think I’ve seen that movie.

I saw this picture last night and immediately thought “gypsy prostitute” and then I log ontoWhat Would Tyler Durden Do?and the guy who is doing that now had already posted “gypsy prostitute”, so he beat me. Congrats. I was too busy receiving a million concussive blasts from the dude’s next door.

Conclusion: Miley’s showing a lot of skin, she looks good.

There’s this guy who wouldn’t have a job if Elijah Wood was 15 years younger.

Well done, Thor’s brother. Well done, indeed. Today is the day I think you may have made a good decision with Miley. I mean looking at those birthday pictures with the black penis cake and Miley wielding a knife while being crazy drunk kind of made me doubt your decision making, but you survived that and she looks good today, so good job.

Is this some forced perspective shit? What is going on here?! Is this a screen shot from The Hobbit with the guy on the left playing Aragorn and the guy on the right playing Bilbo? I don’t know what happens too much in The Hunger Games, but I do know there is a “love” triangle in the movie or at least I assume there is with people kind of hinting that there is. With that being said, are these the two guys that J. Law is deciding between? HOW IS THAT FAIR AT ALL?! Unless, the tall guy who is both handsome and clearly a better match to have stronger and taller and better looking children with is a complete and total asshole who likes to kick puppies then there is no reason on Earth that J. Law should pick the short guy. Just saying. Kind of seems like bullshit to me.

First, Donald Sutherland looks exactly as he did in Beerfest, which means he looks like a crazy drunk old foreigner on the verge of death.

Second, is he playing with himself in this picture?

Oh hey! … Is he in the movie? I’m guessing he dies.

Oh hey! … Is he in the movie? I’m guessing he dies too.

Oh hey! … Is he in the movie? I’m guessing he dies ALSO!

It’s not racist that I think the BBC dies because really I think everyone dies minus J. Law and probably those two boy toys of hers. Everyone else I would imagine are expendable in this movie. Anyone else playing a “tribute” is getting axed in my opinion. So long BBC, we hardly knew ye.

Holy Lord, are these two in the movie? They’re going to die. Two hot chicks like these will not survive long in these movies. They will be slicing and dicing these beautiful bitches up. It’s going to be a shame. The one on the left who I’ll call Boobs McGee is a treasure… of glorious boobs. The one on the right is a sexy fire-crotch. Is there a nude co-ed shower scene in this movie like in Starship Troopers? There should be. There should be a scene of these two washing themselves while talking about the plot as if their characters survive it. Good luck to you two. I’ll always remember how tight my pants felt when I first saw you and then instantly forget you when you’re probably beheaded in The Hunger Games.

Are you in the movie?! You are pretty.

Are you in the movie? You are pretty… in an ethereal possible alien invasion way.

Are you in the movie? You are pretty… in a I’m imagining Carl Jung played by Michael Fassbender spanking you for therapeutic reasons way.

Are you in the movie? You are pretty… in the you are going to completely take second place in the school recital because you are totally going to get outclassed by some Asian… any Asian.

Are you in the movie? You are pretty… and it is going to be quite sad to see you die. Hopefully, they kill you with poison or something not too gruesome, but there is no way your 11 year old ass is making it through these books.

Are you in the movie? You are pretty… and you fucking want IT. Jeez lady, it’s just a red carpet. Put an ice cube or 15 down your drawers… what? … you’re not wearing any?! Shocking. Ok, then just straddle a block of ice or something. There are kids here!

I think I got all the chicks in the movie and left some of the dudes alone. I mean you know what Stanley Tucci looks like and who cares. He doesn’t even care at this point. And the other guys who will possibly be cannon fodder? Who cares as well. Oh yeah and Peter Faccinelliasdhfaslkdjfilli was there too. He wasn’t even dressed up, so fuck him.

Lastly, the gallery showed two ladies who are not in the movie, but were at the movie nonetheless… unless… are they in the movie? OH MAN! I hope they’re in the movie! I know they’re aren’t, but I’ll pretend like I don’t know that and it will make me excited to see the movie…

Yeah… hmmmmm… I believe both Kendall and Kylie Jenner are EXTREMELY illegal, so all that I will say is that when they are not illegal they will probably be the focus of every post I write. Probably…

Also, I have been watching Khloe & Lamar recently. I do enjoy the show, but there is one huge problem that is two fold:

WAY too much Rob Kardashian and WAY too little of Kendall & Kylie Jenner.

That’s all… I guess.

Thoughts?

What else is going on?

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4 Responses to “Someone Already Called Miley Cyrus A “Gypsy Prostitute” aka HUNGER GAMES Red Carpet”

  1. Those two gentlemen are indeed the two vying for 24/7 access to Jennifer Lawrence’s “titty meat”. I know you think the tall, dark and handsome one should have it in the bag, but what you don’t know is that the wee Frodo-looking one… BAKES BREAD! My pants are on fire just thinking about it.

    If I remember correctly, he also has a way with words… much like Tricky Dick.

    You’re going to love this movie.

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