MOVIE TRAILER WEDNESDAY: Drugs, Drugs, Sex, Sex, Drugs, Rock N’ Roll

March 14, 2012

Happy Wednesday!

Happy Pi day!

If you’re unfamiliar with this high concept holiday that is today then let me slide my knowledge bridge right into your ignorant crevice. Today’s date is March 14th aka 3/14 aka 3.14 aka the first three digits everyone knows from the mathematical number Pi. How crazy cool are we nowadays or what?! PI DAY!!!!!!

What are your holiday obligations on Pi day? Make shitty Pi jokes, watch the Darren Aronofsky sci-fi/fantasy/drama/thriller about mathematics, religion, and insanity, which weaves its way to a dark fatalistic ending where the main character Max literally drills a hole in his head to perform an at home lobotomy to take away all this mathematical genius entitled Pi, and I guess go eat “pie”. Oh did I just ruin the movie Pi? Well, guess the fuck what – if you haven’t seen Pi then you were never going to see it. No one is sitting around and thinking to themselves, “I need to watch Pi for THE FIRST TIME.” If anything, me telling you the wild ending and some surrounding details about the movie might make you want to see it or you can at least pretend that you’ve seen it now by quoting the religion and the drill to the head parts. So… you’re fucking welcome. Get me some pie.

What’s happening out there? In the NFL, they’re trading wide receivers like they’re baseball cards and we’re all waiting with erect nipples to find out who will end up getting their teats sucked by Peyton Manning. In politics, shocking update that Mitt Romney cannot buy an election in the South. SHOCKING! You mean the most liberal, North Eastern-est, richie rich Republican who has zero charisma can’t seem to lasso in the good ole’ South? SHOCKING! As for the other two, Newt will be out sooner than later. Mitt will still beat out Santorum. And, Santorum will have won overall because he revitalized his career, which he sabotaged now so many years ago. Get ready to see the dog and pony show of Rick Santorum on TV, in books, and possibly another political run, but at a lower level. The male Sarah Palin. As for Sarah, if you give two shits about what that flavor of the month thinks about anything then you need to take a hand held electric drill and get it going at a high speed with a long sharp bit and then pump that right into your temple. Also, that Sarah Palin movie coming to HBO looks fucking AWFUL. Whatever HBO once was, isn’t anymore. They still have some good shows, but that is clearly not of the company’s doing.

Oh yeah… trailers?

ON THE ROAD

First, I have to thank a lovely boricua for pointing out there even was a trailer for this. Thank you, twitter. You’ve done very little for me overall, but thank you. So, there is a trailer for On the Road and here it is!

The trailer really doesn’t show us much outside of what cast has been assembled to tell this tale. We’ve got Sam Riley who does look remarkably like Jack Kerouac in some pictures, Garrett Hedlund, Kristen Stewart, Viggo, Dunst, Terrence “possibly beats women” Howard, and others. Were there others? I was too focused on how sweaty Kristen looked. Like good sweaty. If there was an Oscar for the actress who is most covered in sex sweat then last year’s winner would certainly be Julianne Hough from Footloose. Possibly this year’s winner will be Kristen Stewart. She at least looks like she’s in the running or has been running or possibly just dancing like Julianne has been. Actually, come to think of it – is On the Road really just a more intellectual and dramatic remake of Footloose? We’ve got Jack Kerouac aka Ren McCormack, we’ve got Kristen Stewart playing that chick who looks like she has the eating disorder in the first movie, but then is played by Julianne Hough in the second. Of course, Dean/Garrett is playing Chris Penn’s role. And, what are we saying? Viggo is John Lithgow?! I like it. I like it a lot. What was I talking about?

I’m not sold on Garrett Hedlund. This is probably because Garrett Hedlund has yet to prove he’s a good actor and is actually in a lot of shitty movies, and he is now playing the role of the most important character in all of Kerouac’s writings. So… I’m not sold on him.

Also, I’ve never been sold on the idea that this would make a great movie. A great TV show? Yes. The book is written in episodic form and not a three act structure. I’m not even sure what the three acts will be for this movie. The book is about a period of Kerouac’s life and not so much a single journey he was on that began and ended. He doesn’t just drive across the country. He ends up going back and forth on it numerous times and ends up sometimes in Denver, other times in San Francisco, back to New York, to Louisiana, to Southern California, to Mexico, and so on. So, I’m not sure what the movie will be. A TV show could handle all this better than a movie.

Either way, I’ll be excited to eventually see it whenever it does finally come out.

THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER ROLLED

I just saw this before I started writing this post. It’s another Doug Benson movie about how much pot he smokes.

I WANT TO SEE IT SO BAD!

Actually, I do. Benson’s first movie Super High Me was an entertaining movie. This looks pretty similar, but without that section where he stops smoking pot and just more of that section that he does smoke pot. Either way, the guy is funny and he loves pot, so he does pot funny. Hmmmm… that didn’t make a whole lot of sense, but if you were smoking pot I bet it made a lot of sense.

ROCK OF AGES

Speaking of Ms. Hough, the Rock of Ages trailer!

I didn’t see this play/musical, but I have heard it was fantabulous. I am looking forward to the movie. I’ve seen just about every Tom Cruise movie (except Lions for Lambs – suck a dick, Redford!) and this looks like another Tom Cruise movie I will see. Hough does appear to be lightly sheened with sweat again. I like this idea that she should always be slightly wet to the touch… that is pretty dirty and I meant that literally and dirtilly. Anyway, the movie looks good and I’ve been talking about it recently in my real life, so here it fucking is. Such a crazy cast.

That’s Wednesday for you…

Anything else?

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4 Responses to “MOVIE TRAILER WEDNESDAY: Drugs, Drugs, Sex, Sex, Drugs, Rock N’ Roll”

  1. PWG said

    Tom Cruise as a rock god is dangerously close to Interview with the Vampire territory.

  2. nixhaw said

    I just can’t with Tom Cruise. I cannot anymore. I have avoided his movies for the past 6 years. But, I may have to see this.

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      You’ve missed some good movies. Even just “Mission Impossible 3” and “Mission Impossible (4) Ghost Protocol” are great action films.

      • nixhaw said

        NononononONO! Mission Impossible?! Just, no. Although….. there was a bike chase scene in the first one (I think) that might have made me tingly. Maybe….

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