What The FUCK Are We Listening To?: PITBULL Edition

March 15, 2012

Happy Thursday! Right?

We’re all hanging in there still. Almost completely through the week. The weekend is peaking in our windows like a creep. Saturday and Sunday are hiding in a bush or a tree or in another apartment on a similar line of sight and they’re leering at you as you try to get dressed or check emails in your pajamas or pick your nose when no one is around and you know no one is around, but you still give that look around like you’re going to say something racist or pick your nose. Meanwhile, Friday night is basically pantsless with its face smashed up against the glass between you and it and it’s singing to you all of Pitbull’s magical lyrics. Speaking of…

I’ve been meaning to do this for awhile, but I only remember that I want to do this stuff when I’m no where near a computer like when I’m driving or in the shower or hiking the Appalachian trail or I guess in the city of Boston because my AT&T iPhone is not compatible with that town in the least bit. So, today, I remembered what I wanted to do and it is about time to do it. I am going to take a healthy glance over the lyrics to Pitbull’s “International Love” which plays every half hour on the radio all day everyday.

I do know some of the lyrics going into this post, but the lyrics I do know are troubling enough and the lyrics I don’t can only be more troubling. From what I gather from the million times I’ve heard this song, Pitbull has fucked, wants to fuck, and will fuck women from every country that exists that he knows about. That’s the heart of the song. Fucking. Specifically, Pitbull fucking. Pitbull just laying pipe through the planet Earth. I don’t know if Pitbull has a “special lady” in his life, but this song would be perfect to bring up in divorce court. Your honor, he be cheating everywhere. Everywhere? EVERYWHERE!

Let the madness begin…


HAHAHAHAHAHAH… two reasons for the laughter:

1. I didn’t realize that it was Chris Brown who was providing the pitchy falsettos. My thoughts on Chris Brown, well, I hope the WWE’s CM Punk beats Chris Brown to death with his fists. Simple as that. And sure it is largely to do with him beating up Rihanna, but Brown’s attitude in that he thinks he’s a tough guy at all is why I want CM Punk to ruin his life. Seriously guy? You are a poplockin’, prepubescent sounding, coward – stop trying to get tough on twitter.

2. The video is these two weirdos in a 20 foot green screened room with three possibly hispanic chicks. I really would’ve thought that since the song was about “international” “love” that the video would feature Pitbull traveling around and showing a lot of tour footage and him meeting people all over the planet, but instead it is a whole bunch of green screened helicopter fly by shots of some city – possibly the same city over and over again – and they’re not traveling anywhere.

Went From Mr.305, Dade County
To Mr. Worldwide, All Around The World

Well, I know that Dade County is where the Miami Dolphins aka Ballphins play, so I shall assume Pitbull is telling us about his humble beginnings growing up in Miami. Nowadays, Pitbull is also “Mr. Worldwide”, which I will also assume means he still lives in Miami now in a bigger house and/or he moved to Los Angeles. I mean it’s not like he actually moved overseas or anything. They definitely filmed the video in the US. Lord knows you can’t get that type of high quality 1980’s green screen technology anywhere else than the good ole’ U.S. of A.

And Now,
We’re International
So International,
International, So International

Ok… we get it.

So, let’s hear about these international travels.

You Put It Down Like New York City
I Never Sleep
Wild Like Los Angeles
My Fantasy
Hotter Than Miami
I Feel The Heat
Ohh Miss International Love
Ohh Miss International Love

Hmmmm… unless Pitbull or Chris Brown are forgetting their jaunt in Paris or Australia then this is not “international” anything. This is completely “national”. They haven’t even left the continental United States at this point. You don’t need a passport to travel from New York City to Miami to LA to Louisville to Denver to Seattle… it’s all the same fucking country. I imagine that just slipped their mind. At the moment though, we’re still just talking about “national love”.

Also, now the lyrics are saying “miss international love”, so maybe the deal isn’t that Pitbull gets on the plane and crosses an ocean, but the bitches from across the ocean who are just dying to get banged out by Pitbull are saving every dollar they can to buy a plane ticket to travel internationally to one of the three United States cities to rub on this sweaty Cubano Americano.

I Don’t Play Football But I’ve Touched Down Pretty Much Everywhere, Everywhere
I Don’t Play Baseball But I’ve Hit A Home Run Everywhere

Hahaha… ahhhh… ah… whew… I get it. That’s funny. He’s talking about fucking. Also, I don’t think anyone is guessing a 4’11” Chihuahua dressed like he’s the concierge for the Love Boat is a professional athlete. Just saying.

I’ve Been To Countries And Cities I Can’t Pronounce
And The Places On The Globe I Didn’t Know Existed
In Romania She Pulled Me To The Centre, She Said Pit You Can Have Me And My Sister
In Lebanon Yeah The Women Are Bomb
And In Greece You’ve Guessed It The Women Are Sweet
Spinned All Around The World But I Ain’t Gon’ Lie There’s Nothing Like Miami’s Heat. Dale

Woah! That was a lot of insanity for six lines of talking. It’s no shock to anyone that Pitbull cannot pronounce or possibly doesn’t know the existence of Romania, Lebanon, and/or Greece. But! What is surprising is what is apparently going on in those countries. ROMANIA?!ROMANIA?!What the Hell is happening in Romania? I haven’t heard an update on the situation in Romania, but shit has gotten pretty bad that women are just grabbing Pitbull in the streets and planning incestual threesomes with him. Seriously! Sure, that’s a disturbing and 100% accurate fantasy for men and I’m guessing women too (two handsome brothers just DPing you all through the weekend, sounds pretty great, right?). It’s at least just as disturbing as half of the female population in this world reading50 Shades of Gray and the women beating fantasies in that. Regardless, I might need to take a trip to Romania just to try and teach these people some proper morals … and to experience some of this new “culture” of theirs that Pitbull is telling me about.

As for “Lebanon Yeah The Women Are Bomb”, uhhhh… too soon? I get that Lebanon and bomb rhyme in Pitbull’s head, but you may not want to use “bomb” to describe any Middle Eastern country’s anything. And Greece is “sweet”. That doesn’t say much.

Lastly, the craziest piece of news – none of these women can hold a candle to the Miami Heat? Yeah, the basketball team featuring Dwyane (not a typo) Wade and Lebron James is better than a sister, sister threesome? Dude loves the NBA and America. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

And, who is Dale?

You Put It Down Like New York City
I Never Sleep
Wild Like Los Angeles
My Fantasy
Hotter Than Miami
I Feel The Heat
Ohh Miss International Love
Ohh Miss International Love

Chris Brown, that is not “international”. You can take 95 from New York to Miami for eff’s sake.

Down In DR, They’re Looking For Visa’s
I Ain’t Talking Credit Cards If You Know What I Mean!
En Cuba La Cosa Esta Dura
But The Woman Get Down, If You Know What I Mean
In Colombia, The Women Got Everything On,
With Some Of The Most Beautiful Women I’ve Ever Seen
In Brazil, They’re Freaky With Big Oh Boobs And Their Thongs, Blue, Yellow And Green!

I need to go to Romania and I can cross the Dominican Republic off my list. Is it a good thing women are looking for Visa’s? Or does that mean they’re punching holes in Pitbull’s condoms? As for Cuba, I would’ve expected more for his family’s ancestry, but he spoke some Spanish talk and I think he’s saying the cost is “dura” and/or “durable” in English, so it can stand up for itself like the Bay of Pigs. I’m sure that’s what Pitbull was talking about. As for Colombia, “the women got everything on”? Like a parka and a rain slicker? I don’t know, but they’re beautiful and I don’t know how he knows that if they’re wearing burkas.

And saving the best for last, BRAZIL! or BRASIL!

This line about Brazil sounds the way the perverted kid in Kindergarten Cop would have described the women of Brazil. Freaky, big oh boobs, colored thongs. Just for your edification, “big oh boobs” is how you should refer to breasts in all situations. For instance, “I found a lump in my big oh boobs the other day and I’m worried.”

In L.A. Tengo La Mexicana,
In New York, Tengo La Boricua
Besitos Para Todas Las Mujeres En Venezuela, Muah!
Y En Miami, Tengo Cualquiera!

In LA, I have a Mexican chick. In New York, I have a Puerto Rican chick and/or Rosie Perez. Kisses for all the women in Venezuela. And in Miami, I have any? I don’t know what “Cualquiera” means. I thought it mean something like “a want for whichever” or I guess that means “any” in a less complicated speaking sense. I also Google translated and it said “any”. So, he’ll take any chick in Miami.

Maybe, I’m wrong, but what about a Jew broad or a black chick in New York? There is a large Puerto Rican population in New York and everything, but you can find Puerto Ricans in Miami as well. Also, there is PUERTO RICO! Which is an hour long plane flight from Miami. So, if you’re going to travel all the way to the great international city of Nueva York then sample some of the local flavor like a Jewess or Nubian princess. That’s just me.

We are nearing the end of the song and I feel like Pitbull is really only slapping at the balls he knows he can hit. Romanian women are basically nymphos apparently and the rest are mostly of some Latino persuasion. C’mon man, reach for a ball outside of the strikezone. Where are the Irish lasses or Rod Stewart’s “Italian Girls” or ANY FEMALE FROM ALL OF AFRICA or ASIA! Where’s Asia in all of this? There are 1.5 billion Indians and 1.3 billion Chinese! TWO POINT EIGHT BILLION PEOPLE are completely unmentioned in this. Pitbull’s got no love for Bollywood and no yellow fever? What about Japan, Korean, Philippines who are pretty much the Hispanic equivalent in Asia.

Seriously, I couldn’t write a song about “international love” because it would never end – chicks are smoking hot everywhere. If tomorrow we found some native Antarcticans with “big oh boobs” or a nice dumper then I’m already half in love. If she’s cool with me ranting about the NFL or the UFC every so often as if she’s even paying a little attention to what I’m saying then I’m pretty much 85% in love.

You Put It Down Like New York City
I Never Sleep
Wild Like Los Angeles
My Fantasy
Hotter Than Miami
I Feel The Heat
(All Around The World)
Ohh Miss International Love (International)
Ohh Miss International Love

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever.

There’s Not A Place That Your Love Don’t Affect Me Baby
So Don’t Ever Change
I Crossed The Globe When I’m With You Baby

What? That was a non-sequitor.

Is this the type of pillow talk that Pitbull is giving these international girls? Is this all I have to say to a pair of sisters to get a threesome? I’m just asking… for a… “friend”.

Chris Brown, This Is For The Women Worldwide,
Let’s Rap

Watch out, women worldwide! Chris Brown is coming! AHHHHH!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!

You Put It Down Like New York City
I Never Sleep (212)
Wild Like Los Angeles
My Fantasy (310)
Hotter Than Miami
I Feel The Heat (305!)
Ohh Miss International Love
Ohh Miss International Love

Hahahahahahahahahah… the area codes are the funniest. If hip-hop culture has brought us anything, it is a cursory knowledge of United States area codes.

You Put It Down Like New York City
I Never Sleep (212)
Wild Like Los Angeles
My Fantasy (310)
Hotter Than Miami
I Feel The Heat (305!)
Ohh Miss International Love (International)
Ohh Miss International Love

You’re International, So International
You’re International, So International
You’re International, So International
You’re International, So International

International Love, International Love.

Yeah, I’m not sold on this “international love” with Pitbull being “Mr. Worldwide”. It sounds like Pitbull is every chick on OkCupid who has been to Europe once and then talks about it like they’re in Istanbul every Tuesday for coffee.



11 Responses to “What The FUCK Are We Listening To?: PITBULL Edition”

  1. Kimberlesk said

    I’m LMAO @ this post!! I haven’t heard the song, but I’ll be looking it up tonight. Thx, I very much needed some laughs today!!

  2. nixhaw said

    Well first of all I thought Pitbull was African American. Apparently I was wrong. Secondly, I love it when you deconstruct lyrics. Makes. My. Day.

    And lastly, I have a request. I need you to deconstruct LMFAO’s I’m Sexy and I Know It. Seriously, that would make my month. And in return I’ll be your International…. anything really.

  3. melissa said

    Inn Colombia you don’t wear Burkas!!! Those are the Muslims mainly in the Middle East ….. there is barely and Muslims in Colombia! Maybe before you say stuff like that you should investigate or go to the country! I don’t get how you can judge someone the way you did yet say this things you barley know yourself! I am from Colombia and we NEVER wear Burkas!! and we do have many Beautiful women!

    • Andrew said

      I know i agree with you. like i have friends that are columbian and they never wear that stuff. Not even when i visited columbia i did not see any women wearing BURKAS.

      Also the part with romania, that romanian women need to be educated. like i dont know why pitbulll is saying that. SO STUPid. Maybe he was on drugs or something.
      And everything in the song is about women and some terrible thing about them like the Burkas and other things.

      Plus whoever wrote the blog article romanians dont have treesome.


    • Cristobal Presley de la Torre said

      Ummm…she said “parkas” NOT “burkas”. Let me quote someone who I know you’ll agree knows ALMOST everything: “Maybe before you say stuff like that you should investigate…I don’t get how you can judge someone the way you did yet say this things you barley know yourself!”

      • melissa said

        If you read the sentence after that she does say Burkas as well…… so I did judge from what I know since I have actually been there …… maybe you should read carefully before saying anything

  4. john said

    you are fucking arrogant , u think u know everything but u’re just a piece of shit. just another ignorant

  5. Haffar said

    well , i dont really like pitbull , I think he’s a retarded peace of shit ! but he definitely accomplished more than u and ur children and their children will accomplice for all your lives so i advice u to get a life and find betters things to do than this
    Best Regards.

  6. Elizabeth said

    You’re an idiot! Colombian women like Shakira and Sofia Vergara? YOU FUCKING IDIOT!
    Maybe you should just stop being insecure about yourself.
    Also, they dont wear parkas so you’re an idiot
    They’re not retarded looking the way you’re trying to say that they are
    I’m colombian i don’t wear any of those things
    Get a life

  7. chloe said

    Lol- this deconstruction is retarded. First of all, “cosa” doesn’t mean “costs” “cosa” means “thing”. Secondly, the muslim population is columbia is so slim. And he said “big ole booties” not boobies. SMH!

  8. tarht said

    you could be right but you could be wrong as well.. the only person who can fully describe this song is the person who wrote it. . whats on his mind, heart and soul while writing thing.. to be honest i dont like this song. its like there is a double meaning on it. so im still searching..^_^ but thanks for this explanation..

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