KSWI Quick Morning Hits From The Weekend

March 19, 2012

Happy Monday!

You survived the weekend, which is sometimes tough to do, especially when that weekend is a national drinking holiday where people feel it necessary to bludgeon themselves with booze like they never do on the other 365 days. Me? What did I do? I acted like I do on every other Saturday I live, I casually drank throughout the day and night and had a red beard and pale white skin because every fucking Saturday or Monday or Thursday could be St. Patrick’s Day for me! So… nothing too special was done to celebrate a man ridding Ireland of snakes – if that even happened.

I did go see two movies… 21 Jump Street and Casa de mi Padre.

21 Jump Street – it was definitely entertaining. Do you need to run and see it in theaters? Nope. If you are going to see a movie right now in the theaters then that is probably the best choice for really anyone. Unless that person hates being amused. And then the question is why are you hanging out with that person? Why? Have a smile, have a laugh, and just enjoy life sometimes. Why are you moping around with Kevin? I mean Kevin is just the worst! Stop hanging out with him. I don’t care if he is good at origami or some other thing he passes off as a personality. You need to find someone who can enjoy themselves when they see Channing Tatum on a big movie screen pretending to have feelings. That’s a good time for everyone involved.

The good of the movie is that it is enjoyable and amusing and all of that. The bad is that it could have definitely been done better. They supposedly have been trying to make this for a long time, but in the end it feels like they could have made it in a month. It’s cheap and easy. Also, the whole movie Brie Larson looks like the mom from Grounded for Life Megyn Price – if Megyn could look the exact way she looks now, but at 23 years old. This was all a shock to me because Brie is in Scott Pilgrim and she looks nothing like herself in that movie as she does in this movie. She’s great looking in both, but neither look like each other. As for Megyn Price, I’ve kind of always had a thing for her as an actress MILF like Connie Britton. So, there’s more of my sexual preferences out there for everyone to know.

Casa de mi Padre – I thought it was very good. I’m not sure if I would say great. It was really enjoyable as well and I loved the idea and loved what they were doing. I would say the only thing that is really hampering this for me is that it was short, felt like it was pretty easy for them to pull this off, and I’m not at all shocked by how humorous and clever Will Ferrell is. I think Will Ferrell is easily tied for best comedic actor ever. EVER. I think there are some other actors who could be tied with him, but really he is kind of the top of the food chain. He’s good at everything he does and yeah. So, it’s not a shock I found this funny and so forth. I definitely enjoyed it. Will obviously is the star of the movie, but the real star of the movie is…

Genesis Rodriguez. Good God. Dios mio. I mean I don’t judge the fictional contest entitled “Hottest Woman On The Planet”, but if I did – she would leap frog herself right into the finals of that competition. Good lord she is attractive. Also, she’s quite good in the movie. She does a great job really selling herself as this over-the-top Spanish soap opera style actress. She should need an extra passport or a license to be that hot. Like something bad could happen because of her hotness. She’s so hot that men might see her and then all of a sudden begin attacking each other like wild chimpanzees trying to prove who is the alpha in that particular Starbucks, so that she could then choose accordingly for who to mate with. I mean it’s going to get primal pretty fucking quickly.

What else is going on? Oh right, there’s this college basketball tournament that I’m usually really into, but this year I haven’t been as much. I couldn’t care any less who wins the Madness of March right now. I did watch something special on TV though…

The Walking Dead… and it was very special and by “special” I mean retarded and by “retarded” I mean the classic definition of people being ass shit stupid.

So, you’re in a Winnebago, right? And there are dozens of zombies trying to kill you outside of the Winnebago. And they’re right there knocking at the door. This is my question to you… What is your next move to do?

A. drive away from the zombies

B. keep the doors locked and look around for a minute to see if you can help your friends and at no time will you exit the Winnebago

C. Wait until all the zombies are right outside the door and then open the door to be torn to pieces by the zombies

If you chose C. then you are of the same mind as the writers of The Walking Dead and you’re also a fucking liability to the rest of us, so discreetly remove yourself from all life and become a hermit in a cavern like Gollum.

The people on The Walking Dead do some of the dumbest shit ever EVER! Also, I did watch The Talking Dead after because they fucking suckered me into watching it making believe that they were going to announce something cool and they completely didn’t. But dumb ass, lame ass, I do not understand why people like him ass – Chris Hardwicke – did ask an appropriate question to one of The Walking Dead’s showrunners as to why stupid bitch ass bitch ass bitch ass bitch ass bitch bitch ass bitch ass bitch bitch bitch bitch Lori acted like a complete bitch when Rick told her he killed Shane even though only an episode or two earlier she said that Rick should kill Shane and she also was the reason why Shane had gone nuts and Shane tried to kill Rick on a few occasions. I’m kind of rambling, so punctuation is past me at this point, but the question was – why did Lori act all weird and turn on Rick? And the showrunner’s response was a big ole “shrug” and “who the fuck knows” look on his stupid fucking face. Do you want to know why? BECAUSE YOU SUCK! That’s why. I still watch this show, but really it is about two steps above Heroes and a billion steps below Lost.

They even had a poll on that show about what was the best part of the finale… here were your choices?

A. A barn being burnt down

B. Seeing a distant shot of a prison for 5 seconds

C. Something else that is completely underwhelming

D. A black chick in a hood leading around two armless and jawless zombies on chain leashes like they were her pets and she also cuts another zombie’s head off with a fucking katana!

… If you picked anything else besides D then you need to drown yourself. I don’t know how else to say it. But before you do that, you should make sure to write out a will where you bequeath all your money to some form of research that prevents people from being as stupid as you are.

So there’s that, right?

What did you do this weekend?!

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One Response to “KSWI Quick Morning Hits From The Weekend”

  1. Wow, zombies…not opening the door ever again without solid proof of non-zombiness…

    I spent the record-breaking warmness that was Sunday afternoon on the rocky coast of Maine (conveniently, I live about 5 mins. away from said coast) with my son who apparently had to turn over every rock including the boulder sized ones (which required my reluctant assistance) to uncover & capture (with his bare hands) any & all creepy small sea creatures (tiny crabs, shrimp, eels, sandworms, etc.) he could cram into an empty baby-wipes container (unbeknownst to me, he had dumped all the baby wipes onto the floor in the back seat of the car-he’s very proactive about what he wants already) to take home as pets. Hmm. I managed to convince him to release all creatures except the one 6″ baby eel he had to take home to show his friends. We were going to release it back into its natural habitat tonight but unfortunately 1/2″ of sea water in a closed baby wipes container was not conducive to sustaining life…and after ascertaining that it had NOT turned into a zombie eel, we had a funeral instead. I think this would make a great movie. The end.

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