KSWI’s Weekend Wrap-Up AKA I Sat Around Did Little And Drank A Lot

April 2, 2012

Happy Monday!

You survived your own apocalyptic weekend of your own design. Was it your choice to go hiking on Saturday? Did you absolutely have to go to that wine tasting and try at least a sip of all 100 bottles? Who came up with the brilliant idea again to play 1-on-1 beer pong immediately after getting so stoned you can’t even see 6 inches in front of your face? All the while, ruining your sleep schedule for another few days and heading back to work. You treat your body like a temple, we all do.

Anyway, it is Monday, so you’re still revving your proverbial engine fresh off seeing Hunger Games possibly 6 or 8 more times. Maybe you finally saw John Carter and absolutely loved the shit out of it. Or you could have sat at home on Sunday and watched the original Star Wars trilogy on Spike. Anything could be happening in your lives? I mean it’s not like you would ever assume that I spent all day on Saturday downloading off of Rapidshare in a million little files a movie from 1983 called Tough Enough which is the story of a country western singer who ends up fighting in toughman contests to make money and hopefully make himself famous enough to get a record contract and that character is played by the Joker smiled Dennis Quaid.

It’s not like you could just assume I was doing that. That’s just too much of an ass making scenario… but I did download that movie and watch it and it wasn’t that bad. I liked it better than Warrior, but I’m not really the target market for Warrior. The target market is people who want to see Joel Edgerton, Tom Hardy, and/or Nick Nolte cry. If you want to see Joel and Tom cry and hug each other then you’ll LOVEWarrior. If you don’t want to see a bunch of dudes cry for almost no reason then don’t see the movie. But if you like crying… see it!

What else?

T. Swift is looking good. I have a feeling that the next guy she dates is going to string her along for a solid 3 months before turning into a complete asshole and breaking the heart of the most fragile of us all – Taylor Swift. It’s really not a situation about whether or not Taylor Swift wants IT or not, it’s really she’s too fragile or precious to have other outward emotions. Her constant physical and emotional fragility is always paramount in all the things she does. Nevertheless, she looked pretty sexy at the 1 of 6,000,000 country awards last night. Taylor’s got an Amish girl gone bad kind of wardrobe style, so the littlest bit of skin like show her arms or neck or those cut outs by her waist – just seeing those patches of skin makes this dress like she’s wearing lingerie in comparison.

And these people had the audacity to make fun of her!

Well, he did. That’s Blake Shelton and I know that’s Blake Shelton because he’s on The Voice and sad as it is to report, but the people who gave me life and brought me into this world watch this television show and I know him because of that. It wasn’t the blonde lady who made fun of Taylor. That’s Miranda Lambert and she didn’t make fun of Taylor Swift. Miranda is pretty lady who apparently sings songs that I’m supposed to know, but I couldn’t name a single song of hers. I really only know who she is or what she looks like from making posts like this making fun of people on the red carpet. Nevertheless, she may have sex with a man who made fun of Taylor Swift, but she didn’t make fun of the precious herself.

It was the evil succubus Reba McEntire who made fun of T. SWIFT!

How can you say something negative about this? It’s like catapulting a puppy into shark infested waters!

Even Justin Bieber felt bad when he Punk’d Taylor Swift.

And Justin Bieber doesn’t have a soul.

Think about that.

What else?


Yes, there are Grey Wind and Rob Stark. I think the CGI came pretty decent. At the very least, the dimensions are good on the direwolf. In the book, Grey Wind is taking down horses and the men on them by himself, so that computer generated wolf looks like it could do that.

Judging by my drinking game that I prepared, which is here – https://kristenstewartwantsit.wordpress.com/2012/03/28/hbos-game-of-thrones-the-drinking-game-season-2/

You should have drank about 40 – 50 times at the very least. That’s a rough estimate, but it’s no less than 40.

I’ve been going back and forth on my excitement for Game of Thrones since reading the books and having this crazy uneasy feeling thinking about the books and still needing to read two more unwritten books and whether those books will solve anything and will they actually come out and will he just turn around and tell us there are 60 more books that need to be written, so we’ll have to wait for those now. But last night, as the opening titles of the TV show played and that great theme song played, I really got excited and enjoyed the episode. I’m still really uncertain how the TV show will handle a lot that happens and wonder how much they’ll go into or honor characters like Theon Greyjoy whose character gets absolutely NUTS in the books, but whose importance to the whole story could be debatable. I really like Theon’s character and story, so don’t take that to mean I don’t like his absurd chapters, but as a whole I’m not sure they impact the story of the book all that much. I think the TV people could have other characters do what he does in part… but either way, I do hope he’s in it. I’d love to see some of that ridiculousness on my TV.

What else?

Mad Men went a little whacky last night and put January “The Placenta Eater” Jones in a fat suit for the whole episode, which was funny.

The rest of the episode was kind of meh.

Elisabeth Moss hired a Jew. Then they showed the Jew’s home life and it is more Jewy than Fiddler of the Roof. The Jew enters his New York City apartment with a bag full of food bought from a Jewish deli. His father who he lives with greets him and first talks about whores, which was not Jew like I suppose, but then immediately turns the tables and begins praying in Hebrew, which is what Jews do. We just start talking in Hebrew. Also, what’s in the bag of food? Jewish meats, Jewish cheeses, and Jewish bread. JEW-Y-EST MOMENT IN JEW TV JEW HISTORY!

What else?

As mentioned, I did watch Tough Enough.

Just wanted to set things straight and I did absolutely watch that movie. Not bad.

I’d say Dennis Quaid was robbing pussy blind until 1990. I doubt he had to say a single word to a woman to get a woman to sleep with me up until the mid-term elections of George H.W. Bush’s presidency. He would just saunter over to a gal of any age, get real close, look her in the eye, smile, and then lead her away to a bed, backseat of a car, alleyway, or where ever Dennis Quaid felt comfortable having sex.

After 1990, I imagine Quaid had to put a little work into it. Not much. But a little. Talk to the girl, buy her a drink and then he’s in blowjob city or missionary county or whatever he’s into.

What else?

I don’t know.

What else is there?


One Response to “KSWI’s Weekend Wrap-Up AKA I Sat Around Did Little And Drank A Lot”

  1. PWG said

    I had to think about your Dennis Quaid theory. It’s not that I don’t trust you, for the most part I do, but let’s face it: Taye Diggs is just not as fuckable as you seem to think he is. Taye is a handsome man, great body, decent actor, seems personable. But I’m not going to accept him as the “most widely accepted sexual partner for straight women and gay men alike.”

    So I thought back to the last time I contemplated having sex with Dennis Quaid, and I’ll be damned: The Big Easy in 1986. In hindsight, it was probably just his Cajun accent in that movie doing all the heavy lifting. But after 1990, nothing.

    I saw 21 Jump Street this weekend and was pleasantly surprised. Disclaimer: I was under the influence of cucumber martinis at the time. But I laughed my ass off, even though i was sitting next to some stranger who smelled like a very unpleasant combination of sweat, cologne and Goldfish crackers. I kept thinking about those Elizabethan women who kept peeled apples in their armpits to absorb their scent as gifts for their lovers, and wondering if the man next to me in fact had Goldfish under his arms but could think of no way to find out for sure.

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