KSWI’s Psychological Profile Of Celebrities From Their Favorite Films

April 18, 2012

Happy Wednesday!

Happy Hump Day (!) as well.

Honestly, I am not getting the most out of my “Hump” days. Specifically, today, I will most likely talk to not a living soul as I am watching my family’s three dogs who have all been photographed and displayed on this website somewhere at some time. If you remember any of those pictures, they all look generally the same. The miniature poodle, Noelle, has been buzzed down at the moment, but the miniature dachshund, Lily, and the golden retriever, Gracie, look nearly identical to whenever the other time they were last featured on this website. They talk very little, and I even less when I’m watching them. Yesterday was day 1 of my parent’s vacation, so yesterday the poodle more or less stared at the door waiting for them to walk in at any moment. Today, the poodle has given up hope and has acquiesced that my near muteness is her only source of affection. So, I’m not only not humping any fellow humans – attractive or unattractive as they may be – I am in fact barely even communicating with canines. But I digress and let’s make fun of some celebrities…

Last month, a website named PAJIBA decided to cull some of ROTTEN TOMATOES‘ lists of celebrities’ 5 favorite films in an effort to save you from your own culling and/or point out the fact that RT has been doing this for several years and/or to truly punctuate how even people who work in the film industry have terrible taste in films.

http://www.pajiba.com/seriously_random_lists/35-actors-list-their-5-favorite-films-which-one-is-your-movie-soul-mate.php

The article goes through 35 actors ranging from Nicolas Cage to Kermit the Frog and somewhere in the middle of all of this if these people are being serious then some of these people need a mental help more than I could imagine and others could become victims of my stalking because WE WOULD BE THE BESTEST OF FRIENDS!

With that, I’ll grab several “stars” whose fearsome 5some of films struck me as particularly interesting… check out the whole list for an additional time killer and even take a look at the rest of these lists on RT. Or don’t. I mean who gives a fuck, right? We’re all trapped on this out of control spinning rock and we’re only a blip on the timeline of existence and we are barely surviving in this constant chaos and all our body wants to do is ejaculate and stuff our faces with chocolate until we die like Elvis shitting on a toilet. So… you know… fuck it.

MEGAN FOX

The Lord of the Rings trilogy
How to Train a Dragon
Kung Fu Panda 2
The Wizard of Oz
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle trilogy

Yikes, Megan! Well, I’m less comfortable with Megan as a representative of the film community and more comfortable with Megan as the soon to be mother of a child because she’s got the taste of a child. Megan should relate really well with young children except when that child does hit 3rd grade the kid will probably surpass Megan’s current tastes as she is a 25 year old woman going on 26 next month. First and foremost, what is uniquely disturbing about this list of 5 movies is that there are in fact 9 movies mentioned. Yep. Two trilogies! And I’ll give you leeway on one, but two? And the second trilogy as absolutely terrible. I still love the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie (minus Corey Feldman’s voice over work), but she is listing Secret of the Ooze and whatever the third one was called when they went back in time to fight samurai? GOOD LORD! What the fuck is wrong with her? All of these movies are kid movies. I don’t care how people may try to justify the LOTR trilogy, but those are kids’ books and kids’ movies. I like them too a bunch and have watched them a bunch, but her most adult movie choice still features elves. And really, Kung Fu Panda 2? TWO?! She has to be telling the truth because no one would make this up in this way, but it really makes the idea that she was questioning Michael Bay’s directing even more questionable. Michael Bay is no genius, but I’m pretty sure he was doing as good of a job on Transformers 2 as whoever was at the helm of SECRET OF THE OOZE!

EMILY BLUNT/JOHN KRASINSKI

Emily…

Jaws
Kramer vs. Kramer
Princess Bride
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
The Lives of Others

John…

Kramer vs. Kramer
Ordinary People
The Verdict
On the Waterfront
The Godfather

First, I’m in love. Second, with the both of them. What the hell, you two?! I am more in love with Emily’s choices though than John’s if I’m being critical. They’ve both got the Kramer vs. Kramer thing going which just makes you want to AWWWWWW that in your fantastical world when they’re dating that they’re discussing Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep and he’s being witty and she’s being British. Oh it’s so magical! Past that, Emily’s favorites are definitely golf clap worthy. She’s got comedy, she’s got romance, she’s got heartbreak, she’s got action, and she’s even got subtitles. All 5 films are wonderful and would be a perfect addition to any 5 favorite film list. As for John, the only real critique I have is it is almost too on the nose. These are all movies that one would be given in an Oscar movie starter pack. And not to say they are similar because these movies are different, but they’re are pretty similar in that the variety of film isn’t more than drama and past that isn’t more than as mentioned Oscar winning drama. None of these movies are dangerous choices, they feel safe. I’m not saying John is a liar, but what I am saying is that if Emily ever wants to be with a more sincere man then I’m at 67 ___ road in ____, New Jersey. What are you hiding, John?! Do you secretly agree with Megan and how fantabulous the secrets of that ninja turtle ooze are?!

DANIEL RADCLIFFE

12 Angry Men
A Matter of Life and Death
Dr. Strangelove
Little Miss Sunshine
Jason and the Argonauts

He’s a weirdo. Not surprising in the least though. Danny is what 15 now? Or 16? I can’t remember. Kids grow up so fast. Not fast enough that their favorite movie is 12 Angry Men, but they do grow up fast – just ask Megan Fox. What I’m getting from Daniel’s choices is that he’s an old man or I mean he’s a young man who has been left alone and with that he’s now an old man who does not relate to the fellows of his own age. I personally do love Dr. Strangelove like most and I wouldn’t be shocked if it was on my own list of 5 favorite films, but c’mon Potter you’re 5 years young! Besides 12 Angry Men, the two final choices are what throw me – Little Miss Sunshine with the adjacent Jason and the Argonauts. One choice could be of a high school female and the other of an old gay Hollywood agent. I’m just saying that Daniel’s films would definitely be more comfortable trying to seduce Stanley Tucci than anyone on Gossip Girl.

GINA CARANO

 

True Romance
Braveheart
Let Me In (remake)
Cry-Baby
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

GINA! MARRY ME, GINA! Honestly, Gina Carano’s five favorite films could be Nazi propaganda and she would still remain on my freebie five list from now until eternity. A friend of mine got to meet Gina Carano and when he was telling me the story I literally felt nervous and excited as if I was meeting Gina, but in reality that means if I did meet Gina I would pass out. Literally. That could happen. I would probably barely talk if I met Gina Carano because my adrenaline would have seized my mouth shut and my teeth would be splintering from the pressure of them grinding into each other. Besides that, she likes action and I like that. The only movie that doesn’t sit well with me in this mix is the Let Me In (remake) – I haven’t seen it myself, so I don’t really know if it is good or bad, but I did find the original wildly boring. WE GET IT! SHE’S A VAMPIRE! NOW HAVE HER DO SOMETHING! As for the rest… True Romance is a fun movie written by Quentin Tarantino and directed by Tony Scott and is equal parts those two directors. As much as I hope Mel Gibson is one day torn limb from limb in a royal rumble of undead victims of the Holocaust – Braveheart is a great movie. Cry-Baby is a wildly interesting choice, but not one I dislike at all and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid is a classic. It’s a nice mix of mostly action flicks and I’m sure if I could function around her we would be able to express some shared interests.

ROB PATTINSON

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
The Exorcist
Prenom Carmen
Ivansxtc
Corky Romano

Are Rob and CT from Real World and Real World/Road Rules Challenges fame related? With his head shaved, they look similar, but then when I look at pictures of Rob with hair and CT with hair they still look similar. Someone should not look into this, but I’m just saying. As for the movies, I’m sorry ladies, but Rob is a weirdo who will also be a buzz kill. That is if you watch movies with him instead of just playing out leather scenarios of him beating you with a riding crop while he softly hums an eclectic mix of Beethoven and Nicki Minaj. Obviously, One Flew is one of the greatest movies and The Exorcist is a classic although I care to never watch The Exorcist ever again ever, but that’s just me. As for the other two wildly out there choices of movies that most people have never heard of… well… there’s that. I get it, Rob. You’ve seen some weird movies, which explains why you’re working with Cronenberg more. As for the last choice, Corky Romano, I imagine this is a glib Brit joke of some sort, but he would defend it for a minute just to tease you so he could coyly smile and thus giving you wet panties about the whole “hilarious” situation. If that’s not true and Corky Romano is one of his 5 favorite films then he’s a fucking butthead. Yep, a butthead.

KERMIT THE FROG AND MISS PIGGY

The Wizard of Oz
Rocky Horror Picture Show
Vanilla Sky
Devil’s Advocate
Deliverance

More than anything, this is really unsettling. So, they’re not fictional because they are actual puppets, but they are fictional in the sense that they are not living creatures with brains or personalities or the ability to like or dislike anything. I’m not sure who RT interviewed, but attributing these 5 movies to Kermit and Miss Piggy really is disturbing. Besides Oz, the other four movies are quite adult. Quite. Rocky Horror Picture Show is obviously quite famous for Tim Curry strutting around and singing in high heels and lingerie for the entirety. Not a bad movie by any stretch of the imagination, but to say that is one of the favorite movies of delightful kid’s puppets is another thing altogether. Secondly, Vanilla Sky isn’t even that good of a movie, but let’s pretend it is and say that a sci-fi movie where Cameron Diaz yells that she swallowed Tom Cruise’s cum seconds before she tries to kill the both of them in a car crash and saying it is Kermit’s favorite movie is another thing altogether. Same can be said for Devil’s Advocate, which is also not a particularly good movie and has an ultimate climax of Keanu Reeves stumbling into the devil’s office where a hell orgy is happening may not also be a movie too appropriate for a frog and pig puppet. Lastly, Deliverance is a harrowing story of survival, rape, and revenge and, again, what?! They couldn’t have just copy+pasted Megan Fox’s answers to Kermit and Miss Piggy’s? It really makes me question the underlying subtext of the Muppets.

HAYDEN PENATTIERE

Life is Beautiful
The Power of One
Moulin Rouge
How to Train Your Dragon
Legends of the Fall

Hayden may be smiling and wearing pasties and glistening here in this photo, but make no mistake about it – Hayden likes to cry. JUST FUCKING BAWL! Boxes upon boxes of Kleenex spent and sobbing and snot coming out of her perfect little nose. Those are mostly movies that people just fucking cry through let alone a 5′ tan blonde forest sprite like herself. I can just imagine it. Seriously, The Power of One? I fucking cried during that movie. Fuck you, Stephen Dorff! Fuck you, Africa! That movie was sad. Obviously, Life is Beautiful is sad. Legends of the Fall is a movie most chicks will cry during. I get that that movie is sad, but it is clearly trying so damn hard to make you cry at points without shooting puppies or whatever to literally just make it happen. The swirling music, the dramatic shots, the wind through all their hair. I will belt $1 BILLION that Hayden has cried watching each and every Pixar movie.

JOEL MCHALE

Dr. Strangelove
Blade Runner
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Children of Men
Ikiru

Sold. I’m gay for Joel McHale. It’s really something that I’ve been fighting for awhile now, but with the publishing of this list it is beyond me to control it. If we were out in the west Texas desert and ushering along sheep from one farm to another and it got cold one night in a tent, I would have to make a move on him. I wouldn’t be proud of it because it would be semi-date-rapey, but I would have to seize my opportunity and not really worry what his thoughts were because deep down I know we were made to be together. Fucking Ikiru!?! You’ll be the death of me, McHale. Seriously, that is too much. I fucking love Ikiru as I love each and everyone of those movies like they were the children I never had, but were stolen by me in a Denny’s parking lot. What the fuck, dude? I tried to hate Mr. McHale for awhile because I knew I would like him too much if I just admitted it. He’s on Community, on Community he gets to flirt and touch Alison Brie, he’s a funny funny man, and even my straight eyes can admit the man has a beautiful body – and that was what hurt most of all, he’s good looking. Yes, I’m shallow and I would rather my actors be good looking and talentless or full of talent and unattractive. But, I learned that Joel McHale played college football at University of Washington and some would think that would make me hate him more because that’s so damn cool, but it made me accept him for all his ways that he’s better than because I just fucking love football. Well played, Joel… well played.

KATHERINE HEIGL

Overboard
Coming to America
Steel Magnolias
Charade
The Blind Side

Katherine Heigl is stupidly good looking by the way. I kind of forget that from time to time because I try to not torture myself by watching anything she is in. I mean, I would watch My Father The Hero if it was ever on TV, but it isn’t. Oh yeah, she’s in Knocked Up too. Nevertheless, with how bad Heigl’s other movies are it’s almost a surprise she even watches movies. She was in a movie that came out this year that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemies. Nevertheless, some of her movie choices are not surprising and some are. Overboard really doesn’t surprise me that much. I used to love that movie when I was a kid. It’s a fun rom-com and all. Steel Magnolias and Charade also are not too surprising as I do imagine Katherine to be a girly girl in that way and those are chick movies. Coming to America is absolutely shocking because well it’s on the same list as The Blind Side. Who would ever think those two would co-exist for a person in their brain? I love Coming to America about as much as I hate The Blind Side. Outside of Coming to America, I think the rest of these movies represent the movies and the kind of actress that Katherine wishes she were and in, but isn’t.

TIMOTHY OLYPHANT

Blue Velvet
Chariots of Fire
Pulp Fiction
Sid and Nancy
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Well, if you didn’t think Timothy Olyphant was a psycho before then you should now. Three movies on here are psychotic – Blue Velvet, Pulp Fiction, and Sid and Nancy – and that’s all well and good with each other in a sense, but to pair them with Chitty Chitty Bang Bang means that Olyphant is a lunatic. I’m fine with that because I’ve seen him interviewed and I partially do think he’s a bit of a crazy person. I do like these choices though because they’re certainly different, as mentioned they’re highlighted by three very good and very crazy movies, and the other two couldn’t be more different from each other and the other three. Chariots of Fire is another “classic” and is text book filmmaking and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is almost more nut house crazy than Blue Velvet. Either way, it makes me like Tim more knowing that he is partially insane.

BRADLEY COOPER

Life Lessons
The Celebration
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
The Conversation
The Shop Around the Corner

Whatever man, you win. You’re infinitely cooler than I will ever be. Ever. Cooler, better looking, and so on. Those are some daunting choices that if I was your friend, no girl would ever been good enough for you. I can say that with a certainty – you women are not good enough for Bradley Cooper. I mean he needs to have a woman groomed to be solely for him. Like made in a lab. The fucking The Celebration? Seriously, man. And he probably can watch that movie without subtitles. He probably can watch all movies without subtitles. Doesn’t he speak multiple languages? Fuck. And he’s good looking and American. He’s not some Euro creep- he’s from the good ole’ Red, White, and Blue from Philadelphia, and he’s beating the foreigners at their own game. God bless him for that. You would think the guy would make better movies, but I think he doesn’t because they just don’t understand the man. Or it’s all fake. I can see that too. But if it isn’t fake then he should be allowed to marry multiple women because he’s too much for one to handle.

Those are my thoughts… what are yours?

11 Responses to “KSWI’s Psychological Profile Of Celebrities From Their Favorite Films”

  1. PWG said

    Oh my God, I was SO NOT READY for that Danielle Radcliffe picture.

  2. PWG said

    I’m just going to list 5 movies that I watch whenever I find them on TV, no matter what part it’s at:

    Jaws – I could be the understudy. Like if Robert Shaw were still alive and doing this on stage (wtf?) and forgot a line or something, I could throw it to him from the wings, no problem.

    Shawshank Redemption – Despite there being only two women I think in the entire movie, making it a total sausage fest prison rape movie, I love this. It’s right up there with the Count of Monte Cristo for best revenge fantasies. Losing the Academy Award that year to Forrest Gump was a mistake

    Unforgiven – The dialogue. All of it. Even the words they’re not saying.

    Cool Hand Luke – Apparently I like sad prison movies. Or an hour and a half of a sweaty, shirtless, young Paul Newman. I’m sure my subconscious was taking the high road.

    Casablanca – I know, safe choice. But safe because it’s a fucking awesome movie with a fantastic script, great delivery, and some hilarious overacting in places. Perfect.

    • PWG said

      I love movies. There are too many fantastic ones to list, and I really enjoy forcing my kids to watch all the good ones as soon as they’re old enough for them. That’s the hidden bonus of children. Everyone knows about the free slave labor, but no one ever thinks about the captive audience aspect of it. After a while, your friends are all, “I don’t care how much you fucking liked it, I’m not sitting through boring-ass Children of Men.” Or whatever. But give a kid the choice of going to bed on time or staying up late to watch The Princess Bride or The Blues Brothers? Yeah, totally easy to indoctrinate them.

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      Honestly, I’m not infatuated with Casablanca the way I’m supposed to be.

      Unforgiven is one of my favorite films easily and have watched it so many times.

      I love Shawshank, Jaws, and Cool Hand Luke in that order from most to less than most and will watch them whenever they are on.

      • PWG said

        Don’t make me defend all the great dialogue in Casablanca.

        “How extravagant you are, throwing away women like that. Someday they may be scarce.”

        “What is your nationality?”
        “I’m a drunkard.”

  3. My top 5? Twilight (yes, although Melissa Rosenberg is stupid-the greenhouse scene? Really? and don’t get me started on the meadow scene, just, don’t)…is the first movie I’ve ever watched so often that I can also throw them their lines, I know, weird, right? What can I say, I am obsessed…

    2. The Princess Bride…as you wish.
    3. Cinderella-Disney version (I guess I have Princess envy…)
    4. National Treasure
    5. The Bourne Identity, etc.

    Give me the analysis, kswi, I can take it!

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      Well, I hope/guess you have a serious crush/spanking-fantasy for Nicolas Cage and Matt Damon as well as the one for Robert.

      Whether you do or you don’t ^^^, I would say you need to see more movies. Nicolas Cage has a lot better movies than National Treasure and Matt Damon has better movies than Bourne.

      I have no problem with #2 and I can’t really argue too much with Disney cartoons because people have some strong feelings about those “classic” ones that I can understand in a way. If I had a favorite one of those it would be “Robin Hood”. I’ve seen that a billion times and it’s better than almost any movie with people in it.

      I think you know my feelings on “Twilight”.

      Honestly, I could never write a list of my 5 favorites. I can think of dozens of movies I’ve seen more times than I can remember and can recite almost all of the lines verbatim. My love for movies is an absolutely unhealthy obsession.

      • I don’t think an obsession that brings pleasure to anyone’s life is unhealthy at all-as long as no one gets hurt (permanently hurt-spankings don’t count!) On the contrary, your obsession with movies gives you moments of imagination and fantasy that enhance life-and take us away for a couple of hours-so it’s a healthy way to cope, as opposed to building bombs in your basement, (if you have one), or going all fetal ball-ish in a corner. Kinda.

        Also, gives you many opportunities for interesting posts. I find you very interesting, and very amusing, and that’s why I’m here.

        Despite your incorrect feelings about Twilight.

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