May 25, 2012

Yes, what the above says.

I don’t have a whole helluva lot to say today besides the above.

I won’t be posting Monday. I hope you won’t be available to read Monday either. I hope you’re having so much fun doing whatever it is that you’re doing on Memorial Day weekend that you’re still getting shitty happy drunk on that day or something else equally as delightful and you’re like FUCK COMPUTERS! Just for a minute or an afternoon you think that. Then you come back to your senses after the tequila or Chivas or Bud lights wear off. Because computers are actually the best things ever! But I hope you have a great weekend.

If you are near a computer on Monday or today, I mean in all honesty if you find yourself re-reading all hilarious and insightful posts of mine I won’t be angry. I’ll be completely cool with that. That’s about the only thing on the internet I’ll be cool with you doing if you’re doing anything on Monday involving a computer and blogs. I’m just saying, re-reading old posts of mine to relive the magic is not off the table and realistically is always ok to do in my opinion.

Outside of that…

I will be watching UFC 146 this weekend, which should be incredible. FIVE heavyweight fights! The only difference between what that youtube shows and what will happen in reality is sadly the “Super Samoan” is injured, but filling in for him is “Big” Lavar Johnson who is 6’3″ or so and 250 pounds with a ridiculous 82″ reach and the power of a 1000 elephants. So, that should still be amazing.


In movie news, I did see some changes to the line-up of movies in June, which I’ll probably address next week. The main difference is that G.I. Joe Retaliation will now be post-poned to next March. That’s quite a difference. They say it’s because they want to convert the movie to 3D. That’s true. But what is also true is they’re doing re-shoots. Why? The movie has to be garbage. I hope in the re-shoots they edit out Bruce Willis and focus entirely on THE ROCK and NINJAS. Also, it would be nice if they could have a couple of lesbian kissing scenes between the chick from Friday Night Lights and the female ninja chick.

As one movie exits, another enters… Ted will be taking the G.I. Joe June release date. Yes, Ted. Have you seen the trailers for Ted? It looks worse than AIDS. Yes. I’d rather watch someone die of AIDS using time-elapsed photography than watch Ted. Who in the fuck thinks Ted is funny? I read someone online say they went and saw The Dictator and Ted’s trailer played and no one laughed. I had a somewhat similar experience except one group of people laughed and they looked to be Freshman or so in college boys. Then I saw another person online said that they saw American Reunion in the theaters and Ted’s trailer played and it killed. Yep. That about sums up the movie Ted. If you’re brain isn’t finished forming properly and you’ll laugh at anything involving curse words then you’re the right demographic for Ted.

I read an interview with Rob Pattinson about making Cosmopolis. Apparently, there was a good chance we were going to Rob’s balls in the movie. We won’t be seeing Rob’s balls anymore. Which makes me wonder if we’re not seeing balls at all or are we going to see stunt balls? Someone else’s balls instead of Rob’s? I’m glad that I know about this. Cosmopolis sounds/looks interesting and it would have been a great shock to have seen Rob’s balls in the movie. Now that I know that was on the table, I kind of think he should’ve done it and showed his balls. Seriously, it’s just your balls? Who can really be self-conscious about their balls? Maybe he’s got weird looking balls. Balls.

I also saw this today which I think is crazy applicable for this upcoming weekend…


It makes me want to see Expendables 2. I didn’t like the first, but I saw it and I doubt I’ll stay away from the second one. It’s got Van Damme in it and I think he’s the bad guy. Has to be great!

I guess fuck Chuck Norris though. He’s the reason the movie is PG-13 apparently. Asshole.

Lastly, Michelle Williams and Sarah Silverman and another chick who I have never heard of before do a full frontal shower scene in the upcoming movie Take This Waltz. If you go to a certain website that rhymes with “schm-egotastic” you can see the nekkidness right fucking now. Wunderbar!

Nothing better than a weekend full of cagefights and naked women.

I hope you enjoy the fuck out of your weekend.

I’ll talk to you Tuesday.


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