Professional Tackle Football Is As Heartbreaking As Ever

September 10, 2012


While I wasn’t busy this weekend drinking scotch and licking armpits, I watched football.

Not happy. I hate watching the Steelers lose. I’m probably not going to read any of the blogs about what happened this weekend until next weekend, so I they’ll be more focused on the next game and not the last. I’ll also most likely change the channel every time someone starts sucking Peyton’s penis or Manning’s member because it will be filled with highlights over the Steelers. But I still love football and cannot wait for tonight’s games as well as Thursday’s game and then the following Sunday and so on and so on.

The Steelers had a rough underwhelming start last year as well with a boring game versus the Texans. This time it was a decently exciting game that for the most part featured an already dilapidated Steelers team go stride for stride with the Broncos until one mistake or misjudging of Tracy Porter’s talent ended the game. It was like a lot of Steelers games in that regard. The game is close and with the seconds ticking away, Large Benjamin has the ball in his hands and we’ll see if he can continue making those 4th quarter comebacks or throw a pick six and then succumb to several sacks as punishment and then sullenly walk off the field looking forward to next week. Shit happens.

As for the rest of the NFL… I thought I would help employ the services of Brew Dawgz and in doing so I just stole one of his emails he sent out this morning about what he thought of professional tackle football yesterday. His comments will be in bold, mine will be in this.

4. Never have been a huge Peyton fan but man alive it was great to see him out there yesterday. Even Pittsburgh fans that I work with were rooting for him.

First thing first, Dawgz does usually list all his emails by numerical bullet point. Second thing first, those are some bum Pittsburgh fans. I was rooting for sacks on every down, strip sacks, interceptions, fumbles. Why? Because he’s the opposing quarterback. No kid gloves for Peyton. They sacked him twice early, but then he kept the Steelers reeling in the no huddle offense. Really would have liked them to have smacked him around more, but it didn’t happen. And that’s equality right there? If you’re playing the Steelers – I won’t you to get smacked around. If it was my dead grandmother(s) playing quarterback against the Steelers then the Steelers better smack around those rigor mortis having ladies.
5. Don’t cost nothing

Just an ethos my friends and I live by. Takes too long to explain. Actually it doesn’t. A buddy of ours said that he has sex with girls when it is their time of the month. And we all responded that we can wait the week and just get by with blowjays and heavy petting for a week because we’re not animals. And his response to that was, “don’t cost nothing”. And he’s 100% right about that. And they’re words to live by. Pay that forward and help some people.
6. Football Thoughts: The beginning of every season should be taken with a grain of salt (remember when the Broncos won their first 6 games under Josh McDaniels?) But here is what I observed yesterday.

True. 17 weeks and 16 games is rarely anything like what the first game shows.
A. J-E-T-S JETS! JETS! JETS! – Scored the most points in an opening game in franchise history and the most points under Rex Ryan ever, yesterday. But here is the thing. Buffalo is not good. Fitzpatrick is getting exposed. Fred Jackson is made of glass. Their receivers are underwhelming and the can not cover anybody on defense. So don’t get too fired up NYJ nation, but yesterday was a great day. Stephen Hill looks like an absolute steal. Sanchez may have played his finest professional game (minus the stupid Brett Favre -like INT) and they ran the ball effectively. Jets fans have to be excited and with good reason, but going to Pittsburgh next week will let us know what type of team Rex really has.

The Bills suck. After the game, Mario Williams complained that back-up tackle Howard on the Jets was hitting Williams in the face all game and no ref was calling it. Well, if that’s a reason that makes Mario happy with his subpar performance as well as the rest of the D’s subpar performance then good for him, but no one else should give a fuck about that. If the guy is playing dirty, play dirty back or do anything else besides getting beat on every play. Also, the Bills giftwrapped the first 21 points or so of that game by throwing a million interceptions. Fitzpatrick looked incompetent and physically incapable of playing quarterback. Bad passes that were easily picked. The revamping the Jets did on an already good secondary looked great yesterday. Their secondary shined, the rest of the D was fine – nothing special. CJ Spiller still ate up the ground on them while Fitzy was tossing picks to that secondary. The Bills gave the Jets all the confidence in the world to play with and then they did just that. Sanchez had his best game ever while the addition of Tebow seemed completely unnecessary.
B. Patriots are scary. Stevan Ridley, Chandler Jones, D’anoti Hightower and all the new DB’s have turned an old (almost over the hill) team into one of the youngest and most athletic teams out there. Fucking Bellichick. This team looks ready to be good for the next decade. The defense has gone from a problem to a strength and they still have a certain handsome QB who passed John Elway for 4th all-time in TD passes yesterday and became only the fifth QB ever to win 125 games. (Favre, Elway, Marino, Manning- are the others in that order). This team is better than last year and they are going to be the best team in the AFC, again.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Et cetera. The Patriots won their Super Bowls when their defense was a threat. They lost the two to the Giants and struggled making it to others since their defense became more bend not break mentality. These rookie additions are big deals for the Patriots as their offense looks just as good as ever and now when Brady is off the field he should be able to count on big plays being made by the D. The last person in the world who needs strip sack fumble touchdowns to help his team is Tom Brady, but now he has that. Fuck.
C. Viking v. Jags was a great game. Gabbert leads a remarkable two minute drive, including a bomb TD pass with under a minute to go to take the lead. Ponder hits a couple of passes and the Vikes nail a FG to go to overtime. In overtime they get another FG and their D shows up and they get a great win for a team that needs to win close games this year. AP = not human.

Vikings are an interesting team. They have some nice talent, but they have zero consistency and are coming off 2 horrible seasons. The win over the Jags is a nice one for the Vikes, but it’s certainly not inspiring for the Vikes that at home they can barely beat one of the worst teams from last year. The Jags? I think that should give them confidence going on from here, but they need to repeat a performance where they can score over 20 points consistently.
D. RG III announced himself to the NFL yesterday. Washington is loaded. Tons of RB’s, good WR’s, good TE, and several good pass rushers. Let’s see what they do against a real defense like the GMEN or Cowboys, but they went into the superdome, shut down Drew Brees as much as you can possibly shut down Drew Brees and scored the most points since 2005. So yeah, ‘Skins nation should be very excited about the future, very. Probably a year away from the playoffs but they are relevant right now.

Exactly. I was expecting this game to be a close one with the Saints sneaking away with the victory. I have confidence in RGIII being a scorer especially since he has a better offense than the Redskins had last year and the Redskins had a lot of solid wins last year with Rex Grossman as their leader, which is nuts. But winning in NOLA’s Thunderdome is a big deal. The Saints are feeling a little of that bounty gate hangover, but they’re also moving around their parts with new coaches. I’m not sure what their injury situation is like on defense, but I think their defense will be pretty formidable in a few weeks. Redskins? Sky’s the limit. Those NFC East teams can all beat each other.
E. The Bears beat-up Andrew Luck yesterday. Just kept smashing him which lead to his 4 turnovers (and Stupho leaping off the bandwagon for a nicer landing spot in Denver). The Bears are going to be very good. Michael Bush scored 2 TD’s, Alson Jeffrey (remember his name) and Brandon Marshall have made The Villain Jay Cutler’s job much easier. This is a balanced team. Very balanced.

This was about the only thing that happened yesterday that I expected to happen. I remember watching the Bears steamroll the Falcons on opening day last year at home and was expecting something similar this year. The Bears are a bad bunch. Their team looks like it could take the next step with how nice the offense looks, but their defense is really getting old and some players look like they’re never going to return to form (Urlacher), but if the offense keeps putting up numbers like they did then the D can play with more confidence and with more aggression, which makes a bad defense look good. Go ask the Saints from years prior.

Andrew Luck will be fine. He’ll win some games this year and will be better next year. The Bears are a top team especially early on in the season. If Luck can’t beat Jacksonville or the Titans that will be a lot more concerning because that is who he has to beat.
F. Falcons baby. Julio Jones is taking over as the #1 wideout. Matt Ryan is on the verge of a career year. They are experienced and they are explosive. This is a team that could make it’s way into a NFC championship game. KC hung with them int he first half but then had nothing for the 2nd.

Falcons? Will it be this year? We’ve been hearing about this move to the next level for 4 years now. Will it be this year? It’s Matty Ice, Roddy White, Julio Jones, Michael Turner and the Immortal Tony Gonzalez. Their defense isn’t bad either. But they haven’t won the big games. Running over the Chiefs how they did was nice, but it’s the first game of the season. The Chiefs have a nice team, I’m not sure if Romeo sweet Romeo is the right coach to coach these guys to victory, but he could. We’ll see.
G. Eagles escape and I mean escape in Cleveland. Weeden was god awful. The Browns offense was atrocious but somehow the Eagles seemed dedicated to matching their futility. Got to win ugly, but Mike Vick played his worst game as an Eagle yesterday while taking a pounding. Andy Reid needs to run the ball more or Vick isn’t make it to week 6.

There were 8 interceptions in that game. EIGHT?! Ugly football. The Eagles’ offensive line is awful still. If you watch Michael Vick throw a football, you’re watching Michael Vick get hit while throwing the football. Anytime Vick tries to air it out, he’s eating a shot to his sternum every time. It’s unreal. He won’t play 16 games per usual or per usush. The Eagles are a weird team. The Browns suck.
H. The Lions are not making the playoffs this year.

Bold statement. We’ll see. There were a ton of interceptions thrown around the league this year. I’m not sure that this will continue week to week. I think the first game of the season, these guys are just excited and all that. I still have faith in the Lions. They can put up points. We’ll see if they make any dips in progress over the next few weeks, but I still think the Lions can score on any team and with that they can win enough to make the playoffs.
I. The Texans took care of Miami they way they should have, with ease. Ball-phins turned the ball over 4 times in the final 6 minutes of the 2nd quarter (including 3 turnovers on three straight snaps) and it was as ugly as that sounds. Tan Man got at least 6 balls batted down at the line. I didn’t see any WR’s get open beyond 10 yards from the line of scrimmage. But Miami’s defense played well, holding Arian Foster to under 80 yards on 26 carries, but they just couldn’t do anything when the offense kept giving the Texans the ball on the bad side of the 50. Texans offense was not impressive, but their defense was. This team should run away with the AFC South.

That sums it up. Much of the Texans offense is relying on two guys who appear to be injury prone in Arian Master Race Foster and Andre Johnson. Their defense is solid though. By the end of the season last year, they looked unstoppable. They were winning football games with a hot dog vendor as quarterback. Miami? Work is progress. The Texans are a tough first game. Again, that’s a lot of interceptions, not sure that will continue week to week. If it does, they’re fucked. If it doesn’t then they’ll be able to win a few.
J. That noise you hear, everyone jumping off the Russell Wilson bandwagon (including Bill Simmons who knows embarrassing little about football). Seattle looked terrible on offense yesterday and the Cardinals aren’t great on D. Good to see Kevin Kolb come in for an injured John Skelton and lead a game winning 4th quarter drive.

Yeah, not so sure about either of these teams. I want to think that Seattle is making the right moves, but who knows. If it doesn’t work on the field then it doesn’t matter. The game was a close one. The Seahawks were an upset special last year. Cardinals? I don’t have faith in Kolb. Period.
K. Panthers ran into a more fired up team in Tampa Bay yesterday. Bucs dominated both lines of scrimmage while holding the Panthers to 10 rush yards. Yes 10. Mattie could get 10 rush yds in a pro football game. There will be better days for the Panthers but a season with high expectations has come back to earth pretty quickly. Bucs are going to be tough although they are going to get smashed up in the Meadowlands v. the GMen next weekend.

Wasn’t expecting this one. Cam Newton still threw for over 300 yards of apparently meaningless yards while the Bucs only threw for under 150 I think. The Panthers need to win games like that one. They play too many tough NFC teams to not beat up a Tampa Bay team that is in a rebuilding year. Who knows for the Bucs? They didn’t put up a lot, but they won and they have talent to be good, but really not enough playmakers to beat great teams.
L. 49ers owned the Packers yesterday. Ran it down their throats. Beat up Rodgers. Threw the ball when they needed to. I thought they were going to win but I didn’t think they would man-handle the Packers (final score be damned it wasn’t that close). San Fran v. Pats super bowl? I wouldn’t be shocked.

49ers didn’t miss a beat from last year and now their offense looks so much better. All the new receivers touched the ball with Randy Moss getting a touchdown and Vernon Davis continued his evolution into being the player we all thought he would be then didn’t turn into and now is finally becoming. I agree with the 49ers/Pats super bowl idea too. I had been saying to people that I thought much of the playoffs were going to be the same this year as last, but with a couple alterations like the 49ers winning that NFC championship game and going to the Super Bowl. Also, it’s inspiring to see Frank Gore still running wild and free on teams. He’s a stalwart.

The Packers? Sadly they looked like the team at the end of the year last year too. Their defense can only play with a lead and their offense is at its best when its passing is overwhelming, but if they can’t get a team on its heels then they’re struggling. Similar to New Orleans in that regard. But still dangerous to every other team in the league. The 49ers do have one of the best defenses.
M. PEYTON MANNING was magnificent. The Broncos ran 2 plays in the 3rd quarter and only had the ball for 36 seconds and still were winning going into the 4th. The Steelers were real banged up (no James Harrison, Ryan Clark or Rashard Mendenhall) but the Broncos looked very good. Their defense has some studs (including Tracy Porter who picked-6 Big Ben – this is the same Tracy Porter who pick-6 Peyton Manning in super bowl XLIV for the Saints) and the offense looked potent. I am rooting for Peyton.

Suck a dick. Oh wait… yeah, that is a good breakdown. The Steelers D just couldn’t get the no huddle attack off the field. And their offense came up short on a few plays and the Ben went out on his shield with that interception for a touchdown. The injuries don’t help, the sickle cell for Clark doesn’t help. Next week, I’m hoping the Steelers will be ready to wow a crowd at home. Honestly, their passing attack looked good and if a couple more passes were caught then it would’ve looked great. Their running game is a work in progress especially without Rarshard and a banged up O-line, but there is promise in those big backs in Dwyer and Redman. They are not afraid of contact. Dwyer showed impressive plays shedding tackles in the open field. The Steelers always have trouble with Peyton and Brady. We’ll see what’s what when it’s Sanchez at the helm.

The Broncos did look good. Their defense looked stout and their offense moved the ball well. Peyton was up to his old tricks picking apart a defense. If Peyton had one or two more playmakers then it would be really interesting.


6 Responses to “Professional Tackle Football Is As Heartbreaking As Ever”

  1. PWG said

    I took my Steelers medicinehere so I could at least laugh at the Star Wars references. “I have altered the passing routes. Pray I do not alter them further.”

    It was a great game, all the way up until the 25 hour Steelers drive in the beginning of the second half. How many downs we gave away trying to run it to the outside last night, I lost count. I did count the ONE *&hgj$$ TIME it did work, though. Just enough to keep them trying it over and over. The Denver defense looked good, and they were on the field a lot for sure. I was really expecting a win and I was already looking forward to the rematch in the playoffs. Looking at the papers and listening to the radio in Denver today has been . . . paper cut pickle juicy.

  2. Brandy said

    Thank you (and Dawgz) for the football post, it really helps me keep up with everyone at work. So sorry for your Steelers. I feel as though I jinxed them. I was watching the game, fingers crossed, bated breath in that last three minutes knowing there was still hope. And then I remembered Ben sometimes has a problem with the interceptions. And I said aloud, to no one but myself, “He’s gonna throw an interception.” And then it happened. I am so, so sorry.

    • PWG said

      A witch! Burn her!
      Or else . . . could you just repeat to yourself before bedtime, “Big Ben is one non-rapey sticky-fingered frozen-rope-throwing bastard!” You can leave out all the hyphens.

  3. PWG said

    I think it says a little something about both of us that I saw this picture of Jon Hamm smuggling tennis balls and thought of you. I hope he’s headed for the airport and a TSA patdown.

    The comments are the best: “I thought Jon Hamm’s dong was always bathing in a bucket of scotch?”

  4. Pats are gonna go all the way this year!

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