October Movie Previews Coming In Your Eyes – part B

October 2, 2012

What. Up.

I don’t live in Dallas. I live in New Jersey. In New Jersey, there is an awful lot of talk about this kid Timothy Richard Tebow and whether or not we should give him time, let’s call it Tebow Time, as the starting quarterback for the New York Jets instead of a certain Mark Sanchez. I’m not saying the Dallas Cowboys are in anywhere near the dire situation the Jets are in, although something must be going on because Rob Ryan cut his hair without informing anyone ahead of time or asking our thoughts on the matter like a psycho girlfriend making a statement about how unhappy she is in the relationship, but I made a few bold predictions at the beginning of this football season and one of them was Kyle Orton starting at least 2 weeks over Tony Romo. Last night, Mr. Romo threw 5 interceptions in his own stadium. Football fans are fickle. At the end of the game when Orton relieved Romo, Mr. Orton scored a touchdown in a couple minutes, which Romo only managed to do once all game. I’m just curious if there is any of that chatter, that chatter about Orton. I hope it is simmering now and in a few weeks it boils over. In New York, the pot is more or less on the floor tipped over and the dogs are eating all the half boiled macaroni, but no one cares.

Movies… First half of October looked miserable. What does the second half have in-store?

SINISTER

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Ugh.

I hate horror movies. I’m not mentioning a couple of other horror movies that are coming out this month like Paranormal Activity 86 or whatever. Horror movies suck. This horror movie will suck. Ethan Hawke? You know this guy has hit the skids of the movie industry if he is starring in horror movies about kids who kill their parents. Not really the high minded art that Hawke at one time believed he was making. While we’re talking about Ethan Hawke, the dude isn’t really good looking anymore. I’ll admit he was a good looking dude at one point, but that point was when I was still listening to R.E.M.’s “Monster” on audio cassette. TAPES! I hate this movie and all the commercials there are for it. Oh your kids are going to kill you? GOOD. You had them and that’s what you get, you fucks. Stupid parents.

SMASHED

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Aaron Paul and Mary Elizabeth Winstead play the cutest fucking couple in the world (by the way, heights are pretty even) and Winstead has gone off the deep end drinking, so she’s trying to get sober and Paul is going to try to too and we’ll see how that goes. It’s an interesting idea and I like both of these actors as well as some of the supporting cast. I don’t know the writer/director who has made a couple of other indie films. The trailer is good enough that I would be interested in checking this out. I like Winstead and I haven’t seen Paul take on a movie in a while or maybe ever – I just looked at his IMDB page and I don’t think he’s really been a main character in a movie and if he has I haven’t seen it. Paul was in an episode of “Joan of Arcadia”. Remember that show?! Man, I used to not watch the shit out of that show, but Amber Tamblyn was very cute on that show and now she has consensual sex with comedian David Cross and prank emailed Tyrese, which is I guess a happy ending. I’m not sure. I would see “Smashed”.

ALEX CROSS

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YES! WE FINALLY ARE GETTING WHAT WE ALL ASKED FOR!

Some people said it would never happen. Some people said, “what are you talking about?” Other people said, “yeah, I saw ‘Kiss the Girls’, but why would I want to see a prequel to it starring Madea, but not dressed as Madea?” And then even more people said, “Is Alex Cross a Jason Bourne 007 ripoff as well or is he like some dude from the Civil War who ends up on another planet like in John Carter?” And then even more than those people there were all these other people who were like, “Didn’t Matthew Fox punch a woman in her vagina and that physically assault some other woman? Did he do this for or because of this movie? Either way, I’m not supporting a known woman beater and his feature film endeavors.” And then there was this one dude, “Wasn’t Gus from Breaking Bad originally going to play Alex Cross instead of Tyler Perry?” And then these three girls were like, “Why do 1 out of every 3 movies and TV shows have to be about woman being rape murdered?” And then I was like, “All valid responses, but you have to remember HOLLYWOOD IS FUCKING STUPID. And that’s the end of the discussion.” Skiiiiiiip.

NOBODY WALKS

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Awful title. “Nobody Walks”? Incorrect. A lot of people walk. Almost all people walk. If you want a real “nobody” blanket statement, “nobody” is going to remember that “Nobody Walks” is the name of the movie about John Krasinski giving a dramatic performance about wanting to cheat on his wife with Olivia Thirlby.

I watched the trailer and I like what’s happening in this movie. I’ve seen Olivia Thirlby in a few things (Dredd being one of them and she’s the best part of the movie) and I really really like her. I think she could be great in this. As for Krasinski, I like him too! YEAH! They’re all liked by me! I’ve seen a few of these Krasinski movies like “Away We Go” and “Brief Interviews with Hideous Men” and the dude is good. I think he can make this happen. The movie is also co-written by Lena Dunham from “Girls” and is directed/co-written by Ry Russo Young who I don’t know. It’s a small indie flick with people getting emotional and angry and it looks like it has some promise. I mean they’re all blissfully stupid and idealists to think that having inviting a really hot chick into your house to live with you and work with you wouldn’t turn into some sexual relationship/frustration. How many married couples do you know that invite a sexy ass member of the opposite sex to work and live in your home and that goes real smoothly? I’m interested in the movie though.

Also, in the grand scheme of things, I think we should remake “Looper” with chicks. I haven’t seen it yet, but we should remake it with chicks and Olivia Thirlby will play the young Parker Posey. That’s my idea, Hollywood. MAKE IT HAPPEN.

THE SESSIONS

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Anything with John Hawkes please. John Hawkes is like acting bacon. I’ll consider eating just about anything if there is bacon involved and I’ll consider watching just about anything with John Hawkes in it.

Thankfully enough, this movie seems excellent. Hawkes plays a man who has lived his whole life in an iron lung and, now, wants to lose his virginity. He contacts a sex surrogate played by Helen Hunt to help him with that. Also, William H. Macy is Hawkes’ priest/therapist who is reluctant to help in this adventure. It’s an interesting idea for a movie, and the trailer really looks good. It looks surprisingly light hearted and at the same time seems very personal and heart warming and happy sad. Like you could be smiling, but crying. Like the end of “Forrest Gump”. But nothing was that sad. That was the saddest. When the music hits and that digital feather shows up, BOOM WATER WORKS. Anyway, this movie looks good. I suggest watching the trailer at least.

CLOUD ATLAS

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Hmmmm… I don’t know. I will see it, most definitely. I’ve seen the other Wachowski brothers (no joke about sisters or is it that incorrect and I should be saying brother/sister now? I don’t know) movies and I think I’ve seen all their produced movies too. Generally speaking, this looks like “The Fountain” but more of it and mixed with a lot of pre-Star Wars style adventure writing. What I mean by that, is adventure scenes that more or less Star Wars ripped off and put into their movie like they did with John Carter, but they’re better in Star Wars than they were in John Carter. Either way, the movie is about all these people and those people lived throughout all these different time periods and they all have a remarkably similar story of trying to find each other and some such stuff I think. Tom Hanks is in it and I think he and Halle Berry are in love in the movie. Why not? I’m seeing it no matter what, but you may have to prep yourself with the idea you’re going to see a lot of high concept adventure scenes that are all romantically tinted.

FUN SIZE

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This movie looks terrible, but it should be. Nothing against Victoria Justice and the fact that they shouldn’t have people that good looking on kids shows or in kids movies, but this movie looks like crap and really isn’t trying to be better than crap. Also, Jane Levy from “Suburgatory” is in this and I thought she had moved past making kid crap because she’s in Suburgatory, but she hasn’t. You have to pay the bills and you have to start somewhere, so I’m not going to play the gorgeous Jane Levy or gorgeous Victoria Justice. I mean Olivia Thirlby already got the “Nobody Walks” job, which you shouldn’t let Victoria Justice or Jane Levy live in your house if you’re married. And they’ve got a better gig than whoever the chicks are in “Alex Cross”.

THE LONELIEST PLANET

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Like the John Hawkes bacon thing, I’ll see almost anything with Gael Garcia Bernal. I’m a huge fan of that dude. This movie looks particularly indie and dramatic and all that. The plot is pretty interesting… “A local guide takes a young couple through a twisted backpacking trip across the Georgian wilderness”… if it wasn’t for Bernal I wouldn’t be that interested in this movie, but with him in it I’m curious. So yeah, there’s that.

Well… that’s the end.

Kind of anti-climatic. There are some movies in there I would see. Mostly indie emotional movies, but there are a few that look good. And “Cloud Atlas” could be good or could be a really big over-the-top waste of time I suppose. I feel like I’ll like it, but not love it. I don’t know. The trailers aren’t doing much for me. “Nobody Walks” looks like a good movie that could also be a good date movie or couples movie where then you guys get into a fight after watching it. Like a couple days later. Would you want to have sex with Olivia Thirlby if she lived with us? And you’re like, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? But secretly, back-to-back mornings you have masturbated in the shower to that exact idea. Whaaaaaaaaaat?

Have a good day.

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3 Responses to “October Movie Previews Coming In Your Eyes – part B”

  1. eric said

    What about chasing mavericks?

  2. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaattttt?!

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