Happy November Movie Previews – Hollywood Tries For A Month – Part 1

October 22, 2012

Hello, everyone in the fucking world.

I had a long, but satisfying weekend. Friday, we drove up to Boston, which took 5 and a half hours. Sunday, we drove back from Boston, which took 5 and a half hours. In between, we walked around Boston, drank in Boston, ate a wonderful omelet, ate some great Mexican food to everyone’s surprise, shared some laughs with friends, ate a few cupcakes, and I bought a Kelly Kapowski from “Saved by the Bell” t-shirt. It would be really difficult to ask for much more.

Oh yeah, and the Steelers fucking won. Wooooooo! Honestly, even with all the injuries the Steelers are dealing with, the Steelers are playing good football. Their record is 3-3, which isn’t particularly good, but could be worse. Their record should be 5-1. They allowed to last minute drives for nonchalant field goals for no apparent reason, which made them lose those games. For the most part in the losses, the Steelers were clearly winning the game and moving the ball around the field at will. The two teams they lost to aren’t particularly good teams either – Oakland and Tennessee. But that’s neither here nor there because the games are over and nothing changes them now. Like I said, the Steelers are dealing with an insane amount of injuries and I would say them at full strength are undeniably a Super Bowl favorite, but with all the injuries they have it makes them questionable. Even with the questionable aspect, they’re playing well and are doing somethings better this year than they ever have before.

They are committing a lot of penalties, which they really need to stop doing and their wide receivers are making tough catches, but dropping some of the easy ones. It was a good win last night, but the dropped passes last night were all potential gamebreakers. The Steelers D also played its best game last night this season by smothering everything the Bengals had to offer outside of that first drive. The Bengals went 80 yards on the first drive and 100 yards for the rest of the game. That’s shut down. The Steelers run game showed up in the form of Jonathan Dwyer. The Steelers actually have 4 really nice running backs with Rashard Mendenhall, Isaac Redman, Dwyer, and Chris Rainey… as well as a decent fullback in Johnson and another RB in Batch. But with Mendenhall and Redman hurt yet again, Dwyer did the heavy lifting and he liked it. He likes hitting people and I like that he likes hitting people. Rainey has insane speed and if he makes a dude miss a tackle… boom… length of the field.

Anyway… should be a good game tonight between the Bears and the Lions.

Let’s talk November movies.

If there is one month of the 12 this year that actually seems to have potential to entertain it’s November. There are definitely a boat load of Oscar potential movies as well as just good looking movies. Of course, there’s some shit mixed in as well, but what do you expect? It’s Hollywood after all.

A LATE QUARTET

Looks great. Just take a look at that cast list and imagine them making a bad movie together. I can’t. Hoffman doesn’t do many bad movies. He just doesn’t seem motivated to make many bad movies. But instead of talking about this musical drama that matches the metaphor of these four playing together on stage continuously as their instruments grow out of tune and their struggle to continue to sound harmonious to their lives where they are doing just that – here is the trailer that does an even better job illustrating it because Christopher Walken is narrating it instead of my text, which is read in your head in a voice, which I don’t know… snickerdoodle. Did it sound funny your voice in your head saying snickerdoodle? What about opossum? Did the voice in your head pronounce the “o”? If I wrote possum? Does it still pronounce the “o” as an act of linguistic revolution? Pudding pops. What about PUDDING POPS?! Did both sound the same in your head or did you change inflections? Here’s the trailer… sarsaparilla… did you pronounce it sassparilla?

THE DETAILS

Hmmmm… could be good? A dark comedy about infidelity that goes completely out of control. The only problem is Tobey Maguire. I guess some of the other casting is suspect too. I’m not entirely sure I trust Ray Liotta as an actor and what he thinks about good movies anymore. But with Magure, do I buy Maguire in this role? A role that could be played by a number of actors and has been in some sense or another, but do I buy Maguie? I don’t know. I guess that’s the journey of the movie more than anything. I think Tobey is a decent enough actor, but he still looks 14 to me. That’s troubling because this movie is supposed to be adult. Either way, I like that Kerry Washington is in it because she’s crazy sexy and she’s having sex in the movie, which is great. She should have sex in all her movies. She should have sex in other people’s movies. The movie looks intriguing, but also could be thrown off by Tobey’s odd casting.

FLIGHT

This is the movie they all want us to be excited for. This and “Lincoln”, but more on that later. As for “Flight”, it’s got my favorite Denzel Washington. Denzel with Robbie Zemeckis and an interesting twist to sort of the Sully Sullenberg story. Denzel is a commercial pilot whose plan loses control and he has to take drastic measures to save it. Following his impromptu canonizing for saving everyone on the airplane, Denzel is put under trial for possible misconduct. It looks like an interesting movie about a guy who never wanted to be a hero, but became one and whether or not he should be. It takes a lot for Denzel to make a bad movie like an “unstoppable” train for one. But besides that, the dude usually delivers. I think this will be a good movie.

JACK & DIANE

I mention this movie for one reason: lesbians. Oh sweet sweet Hollywood lesbians. Juno Temple – the blonde on bottom – is appearing in movies left and right from indies to blockbusters. She played a bit part as Catwoman’s tiny blonde confidant in like one scene in “The Dark Knight Rises” and she played the sexual icon and fully nude all the time and banging Matthew McConaughey in “Killer Joe”. She’s 23, she’s British, and since 2006 to the near future she’s appeared/will appear in 30 movies… and I would bet most have no fucking clue who she is. The movie could be entertaining with its blood lust and vagina lust, which both sound pretty wonderful for the whole family.

THE MAN WITH THE IRON FISTS

In all honesty, this movie is bare minimum 20 years in the making. When a group of the grimiest grimers out of the 5 boroughs of New York City came together to make my favorite rap music in the history of rap music fully studded with martial arts movie references, one had to know at some point someone was going to give the man pulling the strings a chance at directing his own martial arts movie. That man behind the curtain is/was/always will be the RZA. With the help of Eli Roth, RZA has put together quite a cast list of A list actors like Russell Crowe to actual martial artists like Cung Le to ridiculous looking super freaks like former WWE pro wrestler David Bautista to all battle each other in bloody choreography. I hope this movie is good and even more so just shit balls crazy entertaining. I expect it should be at least somewhat entertaining. Hopefully it is really entertaining. The one problem I’m a little worried about from the get go is that there are so many characters and that’s tough to handle, but it’s not like they’re going to be talking all that much or really developing story. The movie itself is a call back to movies like “The Master of the Flying Guillotine” which I love and I know the RZA loves and hopefully he does that movie and others like it justice.

THIS MUST BE THE PLACE

It’s going to take an awful lot to convince me that I should see this movie. In every way shape and form, this movie looks like a waste of time. The only thing about it that is at all endearing is that it looks so unwatchable that maybe that’s why it is watchable. Why would they go out of their way to make a movie that looks this stupid if it was going to be stupid, right? It’s so smart it looks stupid, right? RIGHT?! Like I said, a movie with Sean Penn playing a near transgender Robert Smith from The Cure clone who is seeking a nazi criminal decades after the fact sounds so fucking dumb that maybe it isn’t, but I’m not counting on it. I won’t be the guinea pig on this one. I’ll let others figure it out and then report back.

VAMPS

“Clueless” and/or “Romy and Michell’s High School Reunion” meets vampires. The trailer is good for “Vamps”. It is definitely marketing itself towards the “Legally Blonde” cinema goers, but like the first two comedies I mentioned it could have cross over appeal. I don’t know how Alicia Silverstone still looks this good and while kind of on the subject I really don’t know how Stacey Dash not only looks this good, but looks better than ever. Either way, Alicia looks like she can more or less reprise her Cher role from “Clueless” and this time make fun of the vampire craze, so that’s a pretty good recipe for near mindless entertainment. I feel like this year has been kind of short with comedies. I can think of a few that were good, but I don’t think I’ve sat down and watched too many comedies. We’ll see about this one, but unless reviews skewer this movie – I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing it … IN THEATERS.

To clarify about reviews… I generally don’t give a fuck what reviewers think, but if all reviewers join together on a hated consensus or beloved consensus that does sometimes affect me seeing the movie in theaters. If I’m on the fence about a movie and everyone fucking hates it then I probably won’t see it in theaters. At the same time, liquor and boredom makes me see movies in the theaters that do not correlate with any sense.

WRECK-IT RALPH

100% seeing this. I’m absolutely, thoroughly, completely excited for this movie. I love videogames like a big fucking nerd and I love even more the videogames that they’re referencing. For fucking fuck’s fucking sake, there is the dude from “Altered Beast” in this movie. Are you fucking kidding me? SEGA GENESIS’ “ALTERED BEAST”?! I would see that piece of shit “Alex Cross” if you told me they were going to reference “Altered Beast” and possibly “Street Fighter II”. I’d be there with fucking bells on. I am really looking forward to this movie and I couldn’t careless that it will essence be a sap fest about feeling good about yourself and all that. JUST SHOW ME M. BISON AND ZANGIEF ON SCREEN. I can’t fucking wait for this kids shit. It’s going to be so good. It’s going to be weird seeing it while drinking a flask of vodka with little kids running around, but hey I’ve got to get ready for being a parent at some point, am I right?

That’s the first third or so of movies from November… it looks like a great month of movies.

I hope you had a great weekend.

Tell me about it. Or something else. Tell me something about the migration patterns of birds. I don’t care.

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