“End of Watch” Is The Bud Light Of Movies – Watchability

November 14, 2012

WHAT … UP … ?

Last night, I made an in-house movie night of bourbon (Jefferson’s Reserve and Buffalo Trace), black & white cookies, milk (gots to with the cook cooks), sweat pants, and Jake Gyllenhaal’s police thriller “End of Watch”. Best boyfriend ever?!

It was… good and/or ok, but more importantly it was watchable.

The movie itself is an experiment in found footage, point-of-view style directing with an emphasis on proving that Jake and Michael Pena (featured above) did their actoral duty and did 12 hour ride alongs with the LAPD for 6 months. That’s the focus of the movie more than anything. These two – Jake and Michael – are the chummiest of cop chums and they talk like it too! Isn’t that grand?! They curse and tell sex stories and call each other racist names, but at the end of the day they tell each other they love each other in the most homosocial way.

The rest of the movie is about Mexicans being evil, sadistic, drug pushing, barely literate, killers. We get a half-assed explanation as to why Jake is filming everything, but there is no explanation as to why a stereotypical Latino gang is filming their illegal escapades too. I think there could have been a line thrown in there as to really why they were doing it like maybe the Taliban films their horribleness, so why shouldn’t we. Something, anything. Anyway, the gang is run by a bald headed dude with the number 13 on the side of his head and he knows three words and two of them are fuck and motherfuck. The driver and seemingly the lieutenant to #13 is a lesbian played by a seemingly a Hispanic Lady Gaga impersonator.

There is a lot of random shit that happens in the movie, which is supposed to mirror the lot of random shit that happens to police officers. There is supposed to be a mini-war happening between the Mexican gang people and the dynamic duo of Jake and Michael. I don’t think they properly sell the connection as much as they sell us that Mexicans are doing horrible things left and right in Los Angeles so much so that Jake and Michael cannot stop stumbling over it. At some point, they try to make the connection that the local guy is connected to the really heinous stuff, but I’m not sure that connection is as good as they think it us and by they I mean David Ayer and I suppose anyone else who helped David Ayer in making this movie.

David Ayer is the director of this ok movie. David Ayer is the director of two other movies that are very similar to this one. In “Harsh Times”, Christian Bale and Freddy Rodriguez are the white and Hispanic duo and again it is the Hispanic guy who plays more or less the conscience of the kind of out there white guy who eventually gets them both into way too much trouble for only two people to handle on their own. The next movie was “Street Kings” where a white cop played by Keanu Reeves is also too smart and too crazy for his own good and uncovers a mess of corruption all the while busting a bunch of minorities in street level crimes. Keanu’s partner in that movie is the completely inconsequential Chris Evans, I like Chris, but his character didn’t need to be in the movie at all.

Ayer has written some good movies and by that I mean he wrote “Training Day”.

The thing with Ayer is that he appears to me to be a guy completely raised on Quentin Taratino movies, but not the movies that inspired Quentin Tarantino. See, QT is a wonderful writer and director. He has a certain style and all that, but his movies are very different from each other. The thing is is that QT is inspired by the hundreds upon hundreds of movies he watches. He absorbs movies and in many ways is a movie historian. That’s why his movies do have a similarity, but they’re epic and they multidimensional and overall much better than anything Mr. Ayer will put together.

Ayer’s got the salty language, he’s got the graphic imagery, he’s got grittiness, he’s got no fear dropping a lot of racist lingo, he’s got sex, he’s got violence, he’s got those random ass conversations characters have to try and nail home that these are 3D characters and not just people focused on the task at hand in the movie, and at the same time he has a lot of limited perspective and is cheap with storytelling. It’s like ordering those homemade pretzel bites or big soft pretzels at bars nowadays that come with the different sauces for you to sop up with the pretzel and the sauce containers coming a quarter full. Now, I ordered the pretzel, but I’m not going to feel satisfied with my eating if I don’t eat every bit with the sauce. Ayer’s got little sauce for a dry, salty pretzel. Got me?

But there is one thing that this movie had and should have had more of, but I’m thankful for the bit it did have…

Anna Kendrick cleavage.

Personally, I’m just speaking from the heart on this one, it brightens my day like a ray of sunshine from in between her boobs.

I’m guessing she’s wearing a push-up bra. I would guess that Anna’s actually boobs are not as big as she can make them appear with the help of the wonderful and absolute lying technology known as a push-up bra. It’s miraculous. It makes the already made impossible POSSIBLE. It’s awe-inspiring.

See, Anna is a little, wonderful, sprite who I really enjoy as an actress and have since “Rocket Science” those many Moons ago in 2007. Great movie. But I’m not buying those jugs being hers for a SECOND. I think Anna knows full well how to take advantage of outfits that make her appear chestier and I’m cool with that because I love chests, but I’m just saying I’m not under the delusion that they aren’t being hyped up a bit or a lot a bit.

Look at Anna’s boobs.

They look huge in the best way possible.

Now, try your best to remove your eyes from that glorious titty meat and travel North East on the photo to Jake’s shitting eating grin and very telling eyes. He’s letting you know that he knows that you know and Anna’s not fooling us, but we just love to be fooled anyway. We just love it.

Anyway…

“End of Watch” was decent. It’s definitely “watchable” as I keep saying. It’s not going to leave you satisfied, but it’s better than maybe you would expect it to be. It’s a ton of cursing. Like fuck this fuck that fuck you fuck your mother motherfuck that guy and so on for the whole movie. It’s also random. It’s “thrilling” at points and certainly “tense” at points. So, it’s a fun ride in that regard. If you liked “The Shield” then you should like this movie.

Boobs. Anna Kendrick boobs.

Holy Moly!

This is from the last scene in 50/50 – great movie.

Joseph Gordon Levitt must be gayer than 6 guys blowing 7 guys or the greatest professional actor of all time because he had to keep a straight face and non-bonered pants while acting across from those boobs. Would you like some Anna Kendrick with those boobs?! AM I RIGHT!

Boobs.

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