November 26, 2012


Football talk


This… go hand in hand.

I was requested in the comments section to give drop some football knowledge and it doesn’t take much nipple twisting for me to oblige.

The first thing you have to know about what is going on in football right now is…


For weeks upon weeks upon weeks, there will be ideas. There will be concrete ideas like we know who is going to win in the NFC and we don’t have a clue in the AFC. Nowadays, it is almost seems like the opposite and at the same time neither has any clue what the other is doing. With the conclusion of tonight’s meaningless game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Carolina Panthers, the NFL season will have finished 12 weeks of a 17 week season. Only 5 games left before the playoffs and there are still so many questions to be asked and answered. It’s maddening, but it’s also what I think keeps the spirit of the season alive for all 17 weeks.

So let’s talk about each of the divisions and try to make some sense of them if there is any sense to be made…

Let’s start in the AFC and work our way clockwise from the North to East to South to West. Sound good?


My Pittsburgh Steelers. My beautiful and beloved Pittsburgh Steelers. Yesterday, the Steelers lost to the Cleveland Browns, which is a kick to the fucking nuts. The Black and Gold were without Ben Roethlisberger for the second game and for the second game they lost. Also, both games were completely winnable. What is angering about what happened this week and last week with the Steelers is that they’re defense with all its injuries is playing great. The Browns won yesterday’s game off of the Steelers’ 8 turnovers. A team cannot commit 8 turnovers and expect to win a game. With 8 turnovers, the Steelers lost by a touchdown and had chances to win the game a couple times in the second half, but kept turning the ball over. With all their injuries, the Steelers are still a very tough team with a lot of talent, but they’ve committed a lot of mental mistakes this year – now with turnovers and before with penalties – which have cost them games. Supposedly, Ben is coming back this week, but who knows how good of an idea that is against the Ravens. Either way, the Steelers are at 6-5 and would need to win at least 4 of the next 5 games to really make a run at a wildcard spot in the playoffs. It is doable, but not easy.

The Ravens are clearly winning this division at 9-2. The Ravens’ D has not been anywhere near the vaunted Ravens’ D of old, but their offense has improved greatly. The connection between Joe Flacco and Torrey Smith has become quite dangerous and Ray Rice continues to play at the highest level despite anything else going on. The Ravens have played some subpar games, but have walked out the winners at the end, which is seemingly a sign of maturity, but can also be seen as a sign of the team not being particularly strong that the games come down to the wire on them. They have a lot of injuries just like everyone else, but they have yet to lose a game because of them.

The Bengals at 6-5 are fighting with the Steelers for a wild card spot. The Bengals are in the same position they were in last year as being a team that shows a lot of promise to take themselves to the next level, but we’ll wait and see if they can actually do it. The Browns are 3-8 and are really trying to understand themselves like they’re going through puberty. No matter what happens this season, we all know that there is turnover happening next season in their office and most likely their coaches and so forth. They’ve made some strides this season even though their record doesn’t reflect it. Their #1 pick last year Trent Richardson has been an excellent one this season.


Surprise, surprise – the New England Patriots are going to win this division. At 8-3, they’ve clearly got this under wraps. They’re still a great team, but not as strong in other years due to injuries. Gronk broke his arm and he’s out for at least a month. The rest of the guys are filling in and they can still crush teams. Their defense is still hit or miss. The big addition this year has been a bit more thump on defense and a decent running game. But their keys to victory are still Brady’s arm and Belicheck’s brain.

I don’t see a wildcard coming out of the rest of this division. The Dolphins had a big win this week while the Jets got slaughtered and the Bills lost too. The Dolphins have made some positive moves and some negative ones, but I think overall for the Dolphins this will ultimately be a positive year even if it wasn’t as positive in the regard towards a record or playoffs. Tannehill is a rookie and appears to be a good one at that, their defense has been formidable at times, and Reggie Bush has been a stable contributor pretty much all year. The Dolphins lost a couple games they shouldn’t have and if they didn’t then they would be in the playoffs most likely, but they did and now they’re not.

The Jets suck. At the same time, the Jets have 5 weeks left to ends this season with a decent record. Sadly, I think this might happen. The Jets do not have a tough schedule the rest of the season and I have a feeling they will end up pulling themselves to 7-9 or even 8-8, which is so infuriating because if you watch them play they are a 4-12 type of team. They look horrible out there, but somehow they pull a win out of their ass. I don’t understand it. It’s fucking magic. The Jets have a lot of REAL problems and a 7-9 or 8-8 season won’t make them truly address those problems. It has been an awful season for them, but if they end up being 7-9 or 8-8 people will still rationalize it as being not that bad.


Honestly, as a Jets hater, this has been the best season ever for the Jets. But objectively, the team needs to fire Mike Tannenbaum and not listen to a word the owner has to say to start. Then they need to fire the offensive coach they just hired and put together an offense that isn’t a slap in the face to the rest of the league.

Bills? Who knows. They need a new head coach for sure. They’re not going to the playoffs for sure. Not the worst team in the league, but no where near the best.


The Texans are 10-1 and win this division. The Texans’ defense generally speaking is great and generally speaking so is their running game. The past couple games the Texans’ D was disastrous and they had to rely on Matt Schaub and their passing attack. The Texans are definitely beatable in a high scoring game with passing. They’re much tougher when it is a D heavy game with a lot of running because Arian Foster is one of the best in awhile and they have solid backup running backs too. Winning games, taking names.

What a story this Colts team is. At 7-4 they’re the front runner for a wildcard spot in the playoffs. They have to play the Texans 2x in the final 5 games, which will be extremely tough and at the same time who knows how hard the Texans will try in that second meeting. Either way, the Colts have put together an unexpected season and will most likely make the playoffs, which is incredible. They’re not a particularly strong team as their 4 losses have been whoopings. They lost to the Jags who SUCK and those Jags were lead by Blaine Gabbert, so they REALLY SUCKED. The Colts are making improvements. They need some running backs and they need to overhaul that defense, but they’re going to make the playoffs most likely.

Titans and Jags suck. Both teams should expect new coaches next year. The owner of the Titans Bud Adams issued a statement a couple weeks ago that everyone is currently playing for their job because he is probably going to fire everyone. The Jags won and clearly have gotten over this Gabbert bullshit, but they still suck and need almost everything you can think of to get better.


The Lord as my witness… PEYTON MANNING!

I know that Peyton Manning has won a million MVP awards already in the NFL and I’m not sure if they’re all “deserved”, but I’d put my money on him being the MVP this season. Denver is 8-3 and really the only difference between last year and this year is Peyton. Fucking old as dirt and genetically modified overseas Peyton Manning. He is playing lights out football and with him at the helm it really shows how incredible of a QB he is and that he can take just about any team and make them something. Obviously, Denver was good last year too. So he took a playoff team with a win in the playoffs – Thank you, Tebow – and turned them into an even better looking playoff caliber team. We’ll see what happens in the playoffs, but he’s winning this division and they look poised for a run at the whole thing.

The rest of this division is fucking human garbage and all should expect big changes in the offseason. The Chargers?! How many more fucking years are we going to see fucking worthless fuck Norv Turner as a head coach? Huh? It’s insulting to everyone. He’s got to be gone. The lame duck head coach in Oakland certainly didn’t work out. Fuck Al Davis’ sniveling piece of shit son for installing that worthless coach over Hue Jackson. And thirdly, the Chiefs?! Get Romeo the fuck out of there. Do one of these teams actually want to be taken seriously anymore? Fucking disgusting. Fire everyone, fire yourselves.

Now across the aisle… the NFC.


Jay Cutler showed back up just in time. Much like the Steelers, the Bears are a tough team to beat when they’ve got their starting QB in, but when he’s gone it’s a free-for-all. Cutler like Big Ben are great QBs and even more so they’re great QBs that don’t show up on the stat sheets sometimes because they make plays possibly only they can make. I’ve really enjoyed watching both Big Ben and Cutler play this year. Both QBs have played for very suspect offensive lines. With Cutler, his O-line isn’t good, but he’s done a lot of savvy stuff like taking it upon himself to scramble more and run more to help his O-line out when they’re are not helping him out. The Bears defense is playing amazing when they’re playing with confidence. Having Cutler out there inspires them. With a healthy Cutler, this team is a tough one, but if he gets rocked again then they’re fucked. Chicago is a game up and has an easy rest of the year, so I think they’ll win this division, but the Packers will also make the playoffs I think as a wildcard.

The Packers are not a team to overlook because of some of their losses. They’re the only team this year that has beaten the Texans and they FUCKING STOMPED the Texans. The Packers have a lot of injuries and their defense isn’t worth a damn and their O-line is crumbling, but they’ve got easily one of the best if not the best QB playing right now chucking the ball still. Every game is a possible 4 touchdown game for Rogers and that’s just how it is. They’re not as strong as they were the past two years, but they’re still fucking good.

The Vikings? No idea. They show up and win and they show up and get whooped too. I don’t really understand that team. They’re just not as good as we want and at the same time they’re not bad enough to be written off. There is a lot of talent on the team, but the team doesn’t always work together and it usually takes a remarkable game out of someone to pull the team through. They have absolutely zero consistency. You have no idea what you’re going to get out of them week to week in any area.

The Lions? First thing first, you were effected by the Madden Curse. I can tell you one thing in this world that is definitively true and that is the Madden Curse. I also think that the Lions did not get better from last year to this year, which means they got worse. Your team has to improve. The Lions’ are the same team they were last year and even the year before that. Their defense is mean, but not always good. Their offense has spark, but not always good. Stafford can chuck it to Calvin Johnson unless teams get to Stafford first or double/triple Calvin. And the Lions have no running game like the past couple years as well. Teams need to make a step forward and not remain the same year to year and hope for a better ending. Sure you lost some close ones last year and if one thing changed in those games you would’ve won, but this year you need to be better to win those games and not just lucky. At the same time, the Lions did get screwed on Thanksgiving. The Lions have been in some shootouts, but shootouts show that their defense is letting up a lot – your secondary is terrible. Lions are still a young team after hitting bottom only a few years ago. And I think they got complacent.


Same story, different year. The Giants have a rough schedule, but they should win this division again. The Giants are never that 13-3, 14-2 type of team. 10 wins is a lot of wins and they know it and they know that 10 wins should mean a spot in the playoffs. Once they’re in the playoffs, it is taking it one game at a time. The Giants gave up a chunk of games recently, but there is still a chunk left. They’re team is still as good and in some areas better than last year. I think they’ve improved in their running game, their passing game might not be as sexy as it was last year, but I think it can be more consistent with Eli having more viable targets. Their defense is still good/great. Their front 4 are beasts, their next 3 I think have stepped it up a bit this year, and their back 4 I think are playing better as well as they are starting to understand each other more. Giants are still a super bowl winning team and have a good chance at defending their championship.

The Cowboys? There is a mentality problem in Dallas. There’s just something wrong in the water or something, but that team loves winning games they shouldn’t and losing games they shouldn’t. It’s unbelievable. I don’t see them making the playoffs. I also think that Jason Garrett could get fired depending on the next few games. I don’t think the Cowboys make the playoffs.

The Redskins? Although the team won’t make the playoffs, they’re clearly a better team than they were. They have an offense now. A real threat of an offense. It’s an offense they can improve on and maybe just maybe they’ll make the right improvements. I think they’re a team that could be wild card ready next year.

The Eagles are the greatest waste of talent in the history of the NFL. The Jets are a bad team filled with questionable talent, but the Eagles are filled to the brim with talent and they suck. If the Eagles don’t fire Andy Reid and everyone attached to him at the end of the season then they don’t care about being good again. The Eagles spent money and paid for a brand new team in the past couple years with great players, but they cannot play together to win consistently. And at the same time, the one problem that team has which has only gotten worse over the past 3 year is really the first thing they need to address – their offensive line. They have absolutely the worst O-line in the history of the NFL. They are shameful to watch. If they don’t correct that then they’ll never amount to anything.


The Falcons are 10-1? Great. Good for them, but if they get raped in the playoffs by the Giants like last year then who cares. That’s what the fans are thinking, that’s what analysts are thinking, that’s what the owner Arthur Blank is thinking. The Falcons are 10-1 this year which is great, but they were a top team last year too. This year they are even more “top”, but everyone is waiting around to see what they do in January. If they don’t win a game in January, as cynical as it sounds, they did shit this year. You don’t get a trophy for going 16-0 or 15-1. You get one for winning the Super Bowl and that’s what the Falcons have to do or at least get there.

First, let’s talk the Panthers. They suck. Their defense is absolutely terrible and their offense is ok. They’ve got a lot of leadership problems and really need a change. I know it is early to change their new coach, but it doesn’t seem like he’s doing shit. They need someone to coach and draft for that defense and give Cam Newton a couple of targets to throw to or hand the ball off to who aren’t a year off from retirement.

As for the Bucs, WOW. I wasn’t expecting this. The team is a lot better than it was last year. I don’t know how long Schiano can keep this going for and I think this upcoming draft will be very telling, but there is a bright future in Tampa. They’re 6-5 and have show worlds of promise. Bucs fans should enjoy this season with its ups and downs, but be looking even more forward to next year when Schiano has an offseason and a draft to play with.

The Saints? Terrible and OK at the same time. They’re still super dangerous and teams shouldn’t take them lightly, but obviously they’ve lost a lot of luster this year. They’re certainly weaker without Sean Payton, but they have the tools to beat most teams. They’re not making the playoffs this year, but if Payton is back next year – expect them to be back next year.


The 49ers are for real. They went to the NFC championship last year and look like they’ll go again this year. Whether it is Colin “Prince of Persia” Kaepernick or Alex “No One Really Likes Likes Me” Smith as QB, they’re a great team coached up by a wild ass great coach in Jim Harbaugh. Their defense is mean and fucking good. They’re big loss this year was against the Giants and that was the big loss last year which cost them the Super Bowl. We’ll see if they can revenge that in the playoffs. They’re still one of the NFC leaders and are the big threat to the teams going to the playoffs with the Giants.

The Seahawks win at home and lose on the road. End of story. They’ve made some improvements this year, and at the same time supposedly their two cornerbacks are getting popped for performance enhancing drugs. Not good. If every game was played in Seattle then Seattle would win, but it isn’t so they’re still a questionable team.

The Rams have made strives this year under their new coach Jeff Fischer. They’ve got no shot at the playoffs or anything like that as they too are mostly at best a good home team, but I expect Jeff will make this team a lot more viable of a possible wildcard team in a couple years. They have some pieces, but they’re at a loss with others. A few drafts could fix that.

The Cardinals started this season so strong to everyone’s surprise and then completely imploded right afterward. I feel bad for that team because they’ve obviously got some things right and obviously got a whole lot wrong. Another season searching for a QB while racking up losses.

In the end, unless more catastrophic injuries occur, we have our division leaders set in both the NFC and AFC…

AFC – Patriots, Ravens, Texans, and Broncos

NFC – Giants, Bears, Falcons, 49ers

The Bears/Giants are the two that are slightly worrisome, but I think they’ll hold out and win them.

As for wildcards…

AFC – Obviously, I’m hoping for the Steelers. I think the Colts will make it as well with some help from the Texans. I think the Texans will rest their starters in the final game, which will get the Colts a win.

NFC – Packers. And… I don’t know. Bucs? Vikings? Do the Redskins get hot? I don’t know.

That’s what I got… football!

2 Responses to “Where We Are In The NFL At Week 12 PLUS KRISTEN STEWART FACES!”

  1. PWG said

    I like to collect a rabid fan in my life for each team. That way, when a team really sucks, really does something stupid, etc., I can call and tease them. My husband is a Rams fan, so the year the Steelers beat them in the Super Bowl was kind of my taunting pinnacle. I’m so far unable to find anyone claiming to be a Jaguars fan.

    Peyton’s the real deal, but I only root for the Broncos if they’re playing the Patriots.

  2. Brandy said

    Thank you for honoring my request. It helped a lot. Sadly, my Saints lost this weekend just like your Steelers did. Big difference though, my Saints actually had their qb and still threw (literally) that game away.

    I just have to accept no playoffs this year and listen to my gran brag about her falcons while my Saints are a shadow of their former selves.

    Thursday night will suck donkey balls.

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