KSWI Presents: HOLLYWOOD SUCKS aka Happy Birthday/I’m Sorry, Hailee Steinfeld

December 11, 2012

What. Up.

I was busy on Friday and I was lazy on Monday. Those are my “excuses” for not posting.

I’ve also been dog sitting, which means I’m getting little sleep and I’m bored out of my mind and I’m not really in the mood to do anything. Maybe one day I would be able to acclimate myself to my parent’s routine, but after a few days I’m just shot and in desperate need of REM sleep. Either way, I’m here and posting.

What’s there to talk about? Football? Maybe next week. I don’t feel like thinking too much about the Steelers game. New movies? Didn’t see any new ones this weekend. Didn’t seem like anyone else did either. This Rise of the Guardians movie is more or less a flop. TV? Homeland is pretty bland now. I’m thoroughly uninterested in most of the things they spend their time on. Is there anything else even on TV right now? The Walking Dead’s season was great and I’m really excited for whenever it comes back. Red carpets? Either vaginal grooming or awards shows – I’m not sure there is much to talk about.

BUT… I did notice on IMDB that it is Hailee Steinfeld’s birthday today.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HAILEE!

I’m sure some recognize her name and maybe less her face in the picture above, but two years ago around this same time of year, you would recognize this from Hailee…

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Hailee is the girl from True Grit.

And yes, yes, yes, yes… she was excellent in True Grit.

And lastly, yes, yes, yes, yes… we haven’t seen her in anything else.

So, WHAT’S THE FUCKING DEAL HERE, HOLLYWOOD?!

You’ve got a 14 year old who gives an incredible fucking performance, so much so that she’s nominated for an Oscar for best supporting actress. Cut to two years later to today, she’s 16 and she hasn’t appeared in a movie since. Why?

One could argue the lack of roles and, even more so, lack of good roles for girls/women in movies. I would completely agree with that. It’s hilarious hearing Jessica Alba or a few other looks with no talent actresses complain that their beauty has stopped them from getting work. Well, I think that works the other way too. I don’t think Hollywood knows what to do with a young girl who can actually act. I mean are they going to throw her in the enormously pitiful teen romantic comedies? No. They’ll get Victoria Justice or Selena Gomez nowadays to do that. They’ve got hundreds of girls for those roles. But how many movies have Natalie Portman type roles for a teen? None probably.

So, I clicked on Hailee’s IMDB page and she is linked to 7 movies for the next couple years. Apparently, we’re going to get a lot of Hailee over the next couple years, but are they good movies? How does Hollywood reward an Oscar nominated 16 year old actress who outshined Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon in the same movie? First, they put her on the bench for 2 years… then she gets the following 7 movies…

… by the way … this is all according to IMDB which is not the most factually concrete website out there, but it’s all we got…

Can a Song Save Your Life?

A dejected music business executive forms a bond with a young singer-songwriter new to Manhattan.

First reaction: I’m not seeing this. Seemingly the “dejected music business executive” is Keira Knightley. And, weirdly enough, Mark Ruffalo is playing ‘himself’. That does not sound promising. I think if anything Ruffalo should play the same anyone he always plays. I don’t know if Ruffles is a likeable everyman in life as much as that is what we perceive him to be. Looking at the cast list, Cee-Lo Green? Adam Levine? Errrr… I don’t know about that. Mos Def is in it, but Mos Def is a legit actor. Did you see him stutter in “16 Blocks”? That’s acting.

Well, I’m not interested by this movie until I read who the director was – John Carney aka the guy who directed “Once”. So, “Once” was great. I’m not sure it was great because that guy directed it. I’m sure it was great because those two songbirds in it were amazing. But I’ll at least say I’m more interested in this now that there is a director who seems ok directing it. If it was the director who did “August Rush” then I wouldn’t think twice.

“August Rush” was the musical movie with John Rhys Meyers and that kid with the acoustic guitar; not the bike movie with JGL, although I wouldn’t see the movie either if that guy directed it.

Next…

Hateship, Friendship

A wild teenage girl orchestrates a romance between her nanny and her father, who is a recovering addict.

First reaction: I hate the title and I kind of don’t want to see it just because of that alone. The Nanny is seemingly Kristen Wiig and the father is seemingly Guy Pearce… awwww… what a cute couple! … minus the “recovering addict” bit, I guess. I’ve never heard of the director and that can be good or bad. It sounds like a little indie flick. The cast makes it sound that way too. Add in that Nick Nolte is in there and it sounds even more indie. Nolte’s not in many big movies anymore. Where’s the “Blue Chips” sequel?!

Just from this, I don’t want to see the movie. I’m slightly interested by Guy Pearce being in the movie and that Kristen Wiig is in it and she’s been doing well so far in movies. I doubt I would see this in a theater, but this could be a potential rental. At the same time, the more I read the title and the more I read that one sentence of plot, the more I don’t want to see it at all.

Next…

Romeo and Juliet

If you don’t know the plot of Romeo and Juliet then jump off a bridge.

First reaction: Not seeing it. Honestly, who cares. I’ve never heard of this Italian director and the cast is random with a few random famous actors like Paul Giamatti, Damien Lewis, and Stellan Skarsgard and then an even more random set of actors like Ed Westwick from “Gossip Girl” is playing Tybalt. What the fuck? Seriously, Ed Westwick better be blowing this old Italian director because there is no way in hell he was the best for Tybalt. Outside of them, I haven’t heard of the rest of the actors including the guy playing Romeo or Mercutio.

Generally speaking, Shakespeare sucks on film. Many try and most fail. The best have been Branagh’s few. Outside of that, Baz Luhrman’s Romeo and Juliet is good. I like it. I think it’s about the best we’re going to get … ever. I never liked the Zeffirelli version. Although, I have to admit – HAVE TO – that Olivia Hussey is gorgeous as Juliet. That’s great but that movie sucks. I don’t think we need another Romeo and Juliet movie and definitely not one with Ed Westwick playing one of the most important roles.

Next…

Ender’s Game

70 years after a horrific alien war, an unusually gifted child is sent to an advanced military school in space to prepare for a future invasion.

First reaction: I’m seeing this, but have very low expectations. I’m sure most of you know the source material or at least heard of it. Prior to “The Hunger Games”, I may have thought that “Ender’s Game” would be a good movie, but now this movie will be a ripoff of “The Hunger Games” even though “Ender’s Game” pre-dates it. That’s what they’re going to be going for. On top of that, the director is Gavin Hood. I have ZERO faith in Gavin Hood. Why? Why, you ask? X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE. THAT’S FUCKING WHY. Sure, Hood directed an indie darling named Tsotsi a few years back, but then he went to Hollywood and made arguably the worst comic book movie of all time. Is X-Men Origins: Wolverine as bad as DareDevil or Elektra? Yes. The answer is yes. It’s fucking terrible. They all are.

The cast for this movie is eyebrow raising with Abigail Breslin, Harrison Ford, and Ben Kingsley to name a few. And then you have to remember that Harrison Ford doesn’t make good movies. That’s the thing you have to remember. I mean are we saying “Firewall” is a good movie? I’m not. What about “Hollywood Homicide”? I’m not. So, what’s his last GOOD movie? “Air Force One”? Is “Air Force One” Harrison Ford’s last “good” movie? That came out in 1997. Hailee Steinfeld and Abigail Breslin were born 1 year prior to Harrison Ford’s last “good” movie.

I’m expecting little to nothing from Ender’s Game, but I’ll probably see it. Why? Why not. I saw “I Am Number Four”.

Next…

Three Days to Kill

Secret Service Agent, Ethan Runner (Kevin Costner), discovers he is dying and decides to retire in order to reconnect with his estranged daughter (Hailee Steinfeld). When another Secret Service offers him access to an experimental drug that could save his life in exchange for one last assignment, he soon finds himself trying to juggle his family, his mission, and the drug’s hallucinatory side-effects.

First reaction: ooohhh we actually have some plot here… meh. It’s directed by McG, so the movie sucks. I’ve been known to argue with people that Terminator: Salvation wasn’t that bad, but the dude is a bad director. This movie will be bad as well. It also sounds like a lot of Costner and not much Steinfeld. So, I guess if you really want to see Costner running around shooting at people and driving cars then this is your chance, but realistically why would you want that? I don’t think I’ve seen Costner wield a weapon not in cowboy days since “3000 Miles to Graceland” and we all remember how great that was and by great I mean horrible.

It’s written by Luc Besson, so expect some weird French/European shit in this movie too.

Next…

Why We Broke Up

A high school girl falls for an upperclassman, whose the captain of the basketball team, but their whirlwind romance comes to a screeching halt.

First reaction: Nope. And, the only person attached to this is Hailee so far and her character is named “Min”. Yeah? Min? Unless they cast Ricky Rubio or some actual basketball player to play the basketball team captain then I don’t want to see this. Also, who is 99.99999% expecting the “captain of the basketball team” to be a white? C’mon, HOLLYWOOD. Even the white schools find black kids to play basketball for them. Those athletic directors are not stupid. They’ve watched the NBA.

I don’t care about why two high school students broke up. I really don’t.

Next…

The Keeping Room

No plot.

First reaction: Uhhhhh… what’s there to react to? The director did “Harry Brown” which was a Michael Caine movie that came out a few years ago that did well for itself. The writer hasn’t written anything before seemingly. The other actors are Olivia Wilde and Nicole Beharie who you may remember as the sexy black chick Michael Fassbender dates once in Shame. It’s supposed to be a drama which might be good for Hailee, but we don’t know what it is about or have too much of a track record to base anything off of.

So… shrugs?

Well, that was disappointing wasn’t it? And depressing.

I would like to extend an apology to Ms. Hailee.

I’m sorry that Hollywood makes so many shitty movies and have absolutely no clue what to do with you. We’ll always have “True Grit”. Hopefully good directors like the Coens realize they should put you in another movie filled with complicated, rapid-delivery dialogue, which you did so well with in “True Grit”.

Best of luck.

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One Response to “KSWI Presents: HOLLYWOOD SUCKS aka Happy Birthday/I’m Sorry, Hailee Steinfeld”

  1. I still haven’t seen True Grit.

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