Just for the smell of it…

December 17, 2012

So, the other post today was serious or at least not funny…

And, I have this top 99 list hanging over my head with 47 women to go, but I’m kind of over trying to make hot pieces of ass sound interesting outside of being hot pieces of ass. Like I’m sure Candice Swanepoel is a super nice lady. I’m not sure if I’m pronouncing her name right in my head, but at this point I could draw every subtle curve of her ass from how many pictures I’ve seen of this chick online. She’s half-naked to completely nekkid everywhere and she’s number 11 on this because of that. What is there to say about her though? Like if my life was in a vacuum and the two of us were in said vacuum and she was like, ‘you want to get sleazy?’ and we’re presupposing she likes tall, overweight, pale white guys, with red beards, mismatched light brown to dirty blonde body hair, several tattoos, who can quote IMDB ratings and Rotten Tomatoes percentages as well as chronologically explain in vivid details the feud between WWF and WCW, which eventually led to the WCW buyout, and she’s got an itch in her South African vag that is just dying to be scratched, and then “Tiny Little Bows” by Carly Rae Jepsen started playing, it would get real sleazy in there real quick. I get that and so do you, but outside of that – what are we talking about? Right?


So, I’m going to list the names of the chicks and I’m only diving in if I disagree or really feel like there’s something I want to say other than YES!

#47 – Anne Hathaway


#46 – Kerry Washington


#45 – Scarlett Johansson


#44 – Candice Bailey


#43 – Ronda Rousey

Fuck yes. And let me just say, if you haven’t since this amazing chick snap another amazing chick’s arm in half then WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?! How many pictures of bears can you look at doing things that humans do? I mean a million, but check out Ronda. Just an unbelievable athlete. I can’t wait for February when Ronda headlines the UFC 157 pay per view. Ronda is the first female UFC fighter, first female UFC champion, and will be apart of the first female fight/first female headlining fight/first female championship fight. I fucking love it. Ronda will be defending her UFC bantamweight title against Liz Carmouche who is the second female UFC fighter, first number one contender and so on and so on and is the first ever openly gay UFC fighter. Love it. She’s also a former US Marine and is a great fighter in her own right. Ronda had an absolutely INCREDIBLE year this year and next year has the potential for something even more enormous. Sky’s the fucking limit.

#42 – Allison Williams

Yes. “Girls” season 2 is starting up in a month. Excited.

#41 – Lolo Jones


#40 – Alessandra Ambrosio


#39 – Marion Cotillard


#38 – Rashida Jones


#37 – Sara Carbonero


#36 – Olivia Culpo


#35 – Erin Heatherton


#34 – Alison Brie

Yes. I would probably have her in the top 3 if I was writing this list. I’m kind of surprised she’s not in the top 10 or 5 or 1 considering outside of Kate Upton, no one had more internet fame through gif worthy lusting than Alison. Yes.

#33 – Michelle Obama

Yes. In the most dignified way possible. I love Michelle Obama. I wish I received weekly phone calls from her with pep talks about how life will be ok. It will be because Michelle said it.

#32 – Beyonce


#31 – Rosie Huntington Whiteley


#30 – Hope Solo

Yes. Besides Alison Brie, I may put the entire US Women’s National soccer team as my number 1.

#29 – Emma Watson


#28 – Freja Beha Erichsen

No idea, but why not.

#27 – Adriana Lima


#26 – Chanel Iman


#25 – Kate Middleton


#24 – Jessica Biel

Uh huh.

#23 – Sarah Silverman


#22 – Lara Stone

How do you say ‘yes’ in Britain?

#21 – Katy Perry


#20 – Claire Danes

Yes. Although, if she does that cry face in real life that would be super weird.

#19 – Naomie Harris

Yes. As long as we don’t talk about “Skyfall”.

#18 – Olivia Munn

Definitely. Big year for Olivia. Or I mean big year for Olivia’s fans because we got to see her boobs in “Magic Mike”. Thank you, internet.

#17 – Zooey Deschanel

Yes. But I’m not sure how she is #17 and Scarlett is in the 40’s or some of these other chicks near the 90’s.

#16 – Cheryl Cole

Yeah, but this is the most Britishiest British choice.

#15 – Emilia Clarke

Fuck yes. Besides her sexual attractiveness, all sex talk would begin and end with talk of dragons and that would fucking rule.

#14 – Christina Hendricks


#13 – Blake Lively


#12 – Sofia Vergara

Yeah, I’m straight.

#11 – Candice Swanepoel

Yes, with or without the Carly Rae Jepson diddy.

#10 – Michelle Jenneke

FUCK YES! Besides the besides, on the MMA messageboard I go to, people have been pointing out that Michelle looks facially like former UFC light-heavyweight champion Mauricio “Shogun” Rua. Some say that is throwing them off. I say, that only solidifies how hot she is. I’ve been saying it for awhile that I think Shogun is one of the most attractive MMA fighters if not the most attractive. Dude is good looking. Michelle is also good looking. Now, I don’t know if Shogun has a sister, but I bet she’s hot. And Michelle looks like she could be his sister, so there you go. I kind of hope she turns into the greatest hurdler and ends up in the Olympics in Rio in 2016 and everyone is doing her hurdler warm-up routine. That would be wonderful. And then she moves to America and we hang out and she tells me secrets and we start going to cosplay events together as like our best friend thing that we do.

#9 – Jessica Pare


#8 – Jessica Gomes


#7 – Kristen Stewart

Heard of her. I’ve heard she wants IT. Judging by the evidence in this picture, she does.


#6 – Miranda Kerr


#5 – Emma Stone

Yes, but we can never talk of “The Amazing Spider-Man” ever in any capacity.

#4 – Rihanna

Yes. She scares me. In a bad way. Not like a titillating way. Like we’re going to get arrested kind of way and I don’t want to be arrested. But sure, why not. In this vacuum of vacuums. But I’m absolutely afraid of her. By the way, I think Nicki Minaj was number 3 or 4 last year and she’s not on this last at all. I can see that cause the next couple pictures don’t look anything like Nicki Minaj. Kind of weird right? I still like Nicki in this vacuum. I’m sure she’s annoying as shit, but whatever.

#3 – Kate Upton

Yes. Keep this one away from aliens as well. Actually keep her away from most human beings. I can’t imagine forming credible words around her and her boobs.

#2 – Mila Kunis

Yes. Honestly, #2 though? Maybe they just loved “Ted” in England.

#1 – Jennifer Lawrence

Yeah, fuck yeah. I really want to see “Silver Linings Playbook”. Should be interesting seeing J-Law in a movie where she’s not forced to survive in the wilderness.

The list is interesante and at the same time too much.

Maybe I should just stick to lists of like 10 and not 99.


2 Responses to “Just for the smell of it…”

  1. PWG said

    “and she’s got an inch in her South African vag that is just dying to be scratched”

    God, I hope you meant itch.

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