Paul F. Tompkins is better than Adele

January 8, 2013


Terrible movie, though.

Ugh, what a shitty movie.

Remember the part where Judi Dench is rigging up “Home Alone” style explosives in the chandelier? Good Lord that was stupid. Or that a crazy old bearded man was just lurking around a house abandoned years ago who apparently raised James Bond, but when James Bond drove up to the house – he didn’t greet him. Instead, he skulked around the house trying to surprise James. What the fuck? Who acts like that?

Also, when that same crazy old man and Judi Dench decide to use a flashlight at night only 50 yards or so from a mercenary battalion who is in the area for the expressed purpose of cutting them into Swiss cheese with machine guns. UGH! What the shit was that?

I walked away from that movie knowing two things:

1. No director including Sam Mendes is above making the shittiest shit you’ve ever shitted seeing with your shitty eyes.

2. The Brits really do have Mommy issues. I already knew that because I’ve seen their porn, but man in a James Bond movie too? Jeez.

I guess there’s the possibility that this was an elaborate way for Sam Mendes to get back at Kate Winslet by trying to ruin her country’s best superhero, but that’s probably pushing it.

What about that island of people who fled their island nation because of a poisonous leak and then when there was no poisonous leak they all just gave up on going back home or telling anyone about it? Where did those people go? If they all showed up, an entire island nation, showed up at the immigration center of another country, someone would ask a fucking question or two, right? Guess not.

Also, this Paul F. Tompkins story is always funny…


One Response to “Paul F. Tompkins is better than Adele”

  1. NixHaw said

    Well. Thank you Jordan for introducing me to Paul F. Tompkins> I never even knew there was a Paul F. Tompkins.

    And I need his suit from the Skyfall video.

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