Amanda Seyfried as Marissa Tomei as Linda Lovelace

January 23, 2013



Honestly, I’m severely uninterested in seeing a movie about Linda Lovelace whether or not there is a shaved Wes Bentley in it.

I saw the documentary about “Deep Throat” entitled “Inside Deep Throat” and that was good enough for me. I’ve never sat around and thought to myself that I wanted to see the original “Deep Throat” or cared to really know much about the people who created it, but “Inside Deep Throat” got good reviews and it was on Netflix and I was bored and I watched it. That fulfilled about any quota of interest I could have in the subject.

Now, there’s “Lovelace” with Amanda Seyfriend playing said Linda Lovelace.

I mentioned before if there are nude scenes of Amanda Seyfried then I’m interested in seeing those scenes. Like I didn’t sit through the movie “Chloe” featuring Julianne Moore, Liam Neeson, and Amanda Seyfried having topless sex with both Julianne Moore and Liam Neeson. I saw the latter. I saw the topless sex, which you can too with a couple of key strokes into the google bar and they should pop-up on a Daily Motion or some such website. That’s really all you need. And I don’t mean that in just the perverted sense, but seriously – why would you watch the rest of that movie?

The movie is about an escort, Amanda Seyfried, being paid to have sex with a husband, Liam Neeson, and tell those sex stories to the wife of said husband, Julianne Moore, and, eventually, she gets into the sexing of the escort as well. So, do yourself a favor and cut out all the scenes of driving or talking or walking or mindless nonsense like that and just watch what is the plot and at the same time the Skinemax scenes of a topless Seyfried and Neeson and Moore. It’s literally why the movie was made.

Anyway, now, we got “Lovelace”. And most likely a whole bunch of scenes of Amanda pantomiming blowing dudes. Wunderbar!

I had no expectations for this movie other than that I wouldn’t see it, but after seeing this clip I wish the movie was about Amanda Seyfried portraying Marissa Tomei as Marissa Tomei or possibly as Linda Lovelace. Linda was from New York, but this is most definitely not just a New York accent, it’s a spot on Marissa Tomei impression. The body language, the timing, the breathiness… I’d much rather see that movie of Amanda as Marissa than this Lovelace nonsense.

Strangely enough, Amanda is not the only Linda Lovelace out there. Malin Akerman is also playing Linda Lovelace in an entirely different Linda Lovelace movie. Why? Who the fuck knows? But I have an idea…

Let’s have Malin as Amanda as Marissa as Linda? Or let’s combine the Malin and Amanda movies and just swap scenes back and forth. Like the movie starts with Amanda because they were the first to put out footage and then in scene 2 we get Malin then scene 3 we get Amanda and so on. Or maybe Amanda can play Linda when she did porn and Malin can play Linda when she rallied against it but still did naked photoshoots every so often? What about let’s get all the actors from both movies playing their roles together side by side in stereo for an entire movie. So, Amanda and Malin are standing next to each other acting the same scene out at the same time with the same dialogue. And they’re both really acting as Marissa Tomei which is seen as a reasonable approximation of Linda Lovelace.

Or… we can make none of those movies, so no one has to see them. That’s an idea!

What about Amanda Seyfried playing like Simone de Beauvoir instead of Linda Lovelace? Are we saying Linda had more interesting life or did more than Simone de Beauvoir? More controversial? Looks wise, I mean Simone was a brunette too, so Amanda can keep that whig. Amanda’s a lot prettier than Linda ever was, so it wasn’t like Amanda was hired because of her comparable looks to Linda. As far as sex? She was French for one, sexed Sartre for two, supposedly seduced a 17 year old girl for three, so… seems a lot better than giving BJs to mustached guys on 8mm.

Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe Linda Lovelace isn’t that interesting of a character and at the same time another ho hum acting job for an actress.

What the fuck do I know.


One Response to “Amanda Seyfried as Marissa Tomei as Linda Lovelace”

  1. PWG said

    You’re waiting for The Canyons instead?

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