February 8, 2013

Hola, from the snowy disposition of Nueva Jersey!

I’ve got Halo here sniffing and eating the snow in the backyard. She loves smelling snow.

There was an unmelted stretch of ten feet in the backyard that she spent much of yesterday smelling. Now, the whole backyard is covered in snow, so she’s quite excited for the opportunity to get it all up her nose or in her mouth.

What else is going on in life?

Not too much or a ton depending on what you care about.

I mean there’s an awful lot of shit going around about drone strikes and possibly drone striking the US and stuff like that. Which is worrisome. It’s actually more worrisome considering that a lot of people don’t have confidence in this administration’s ability to handle drone strikes… well, what about the next administration? There’s eventually going to be someone else with their finger on the drone strike button.

It’s a scary thought… of course, at the rate we’re currently picking each other off with assault rifles and pistols and shotguns at movie theaters, schools, or just out and about, we may not make it to the next administration. Hey, the government has no right in killing us; we’re the only ones that should be killing us! AM I RIGHT?!

That’s news… but at the same time … is it? This country is fucked, the world is fucked… so for others news is really…

The new Star Wars movie is going to suck. That’s not even “new” news in that sense because we’ve become accustomed to new Star Wars movies sucking, but the new new Star Wars movie is going to be a rip off of the new Star Trek movies. It’s already directed by the same dude and will also just be a “reboot” in the form of getting a young cast to play the iconic ship captain. But that’s not all… they’re going to try and ruin Boba Fett more than they already did in the prequels. HUZZAH!!!

So, one of the Star Wars movies is going to be “young Han Solo”, which will be identical to “young Captain Kirk”.

The other will be “Boba Fett’s life during the first trilogy” and that’s a terrible idea too. So we’ve got this infinitely huge universe and you’re going to make “new” movies that aren’t specifically related to the trilogies and all you got is “what was Boba Fett up to?” and “make Han young”. I’m sure that will go over well.

Take a seemingly infallible character like Han Solo and try to reinvent him… TERRIBLE idea.

Take a character whose greatest attributes were his unusualness and mystery and make him a small Mexican child in “Attack of the Clones” remove all his uniqueness and say it was all his father’s and make him really just a cry baby that daddy died at the hand of the jedi instead of being a shadowy mercenary who has somehow navigated this star system and its wars by himself and done so with strength and without anyone’s help. Now, let’s put him in an adventure movie where he probably has some goofy surprises and funny twists and will more or less be Jack fucking Sparrow because everything is Jack fucking Sparrow. Fuck those Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

But this isn’t news to all people… some people might think news is…

Julianne Hough and Josh Duhamel have the same haircut and Julianne pulls it off better than Josh does.

First thing, I don’t want to point fingers, but Josh could be balding. I mean he’s 40 years old and looks great for his age, but it’s a really real possibility.

Second, Julianne is 24 and more often than not she looks like she’s a warrior princess high on spice from “Dune”. That is a look that is very tough to top.

Also, Josh is tall. He’s like 6’4″. Him and Timothy Olyphant should wrestle for who gets to be who they are and the other has to really change something about themselves.

I feel like it’s…

Timothy Olyphant > Josh Duhamel > Eric Dane

And if they all mud wrestled each other in a movie, I’m sure it would sell some big bucks. No need even teaching them to dance like in “Magic Mike”. Just wrestling around and once shirtless and covered in mud, they’ll kind of look like triplets, which will add some ticket sales for that very perverted reason in its own right.

As for Julianne… Well… I haven’t watched the “Footloose” remake. I kind of want to and I kind of don’t. I’m curious, but I feel like there is no way that I won’t be disappointed. About the only recasting I like is Julianne as far as looks. I don’t know if she can act, but the main chick from “Footloose” is more or less a poster girl for anorexia throughout that movie. But she’s pretty good at acting. And no Jon Lithgow is lame. Whatever… kind of rambling.

Have a great weekend.



  1. PWG said

    A: I love that dog. I don’t want her to get a big head, or anything, because I pretty much love most dogs. Except for the pushed-in face kinds that snuffle when they breathe like they’re about to hawk a loogie, and even those are okay if I have headphones on. Anything else is golden, though, but Halo is pretty high up on my dog-love list and that spread front leg thing is just adorable when they pretend like they’re pouncing. Also: great name.

    B: I thought Josh Duhamel was still married to Fergie, so I’m not up on my news. Isn’t he also the soldier from all the Transformer movies? Like apparently the only soldier the whole world has? That dude never gets promoted. Always out on the Transformer tour of duty.

    C: I am traveling back to the East coast this weekend, where I will probably get stuck in airports again. Should have lots of time to catch up on my news and also “news.”

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      He’s still with Fergie.

      Duhamel and Hough are in that new terrible Nicholas Sparks movie “Safe Haven”. That’s a picture from one of the premieres.

      • PWG said

        Oh good, I’m still marginally up to date, then. I got an AMC email the other day offering me a 2-for-1 free pass to see two Nicholas Sparks movies back to back. Hahahahahahahahahaha. Not unless I’m sentenced to it as a condition of my parole.

    • If you do get stuck, just swing by Casa Newharv and this could be you:

      • PWG said

        Oh my God, I have never been more jealous.

        My current plans involve getting stuck at DC National airport. They’re not getting the Boston snow, but if there’s snow anywhere in the country, that’s where my plane is coming from. I should’ve called @tiffanized when I was stuck at the Richmond airport for five hours last week. I think that would’ve tied me with you for most KSWI people not internet-stranger-stabbed-by.

      • PWG said

        Unless she stabbed me.

  2. Kim said

    Take a seemingly infallible character like Han Solo and try to reinvent him… TERRIBLE idea.

    THIS^ — I totally agree!
    Disney will destroy what’s left of Star Wars 😦

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