10 Things I Learned From Watching “FLIGHT”

February 19, 2013

What’s up, peeps?

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend of fantasy fulfillment and butt play. I had a particularly fun weekend, so read into that as you will…

I did watch FLIGHT last night and I liked it. I liked it overall. There were certainly some issues with some things, but the movie nailed the scenes it needed to nail to make it a good movie. The other stuff, mostly the love interest stuff was really hit or miss with a lot of misses, but nothing too terrible. I think they did a good job on what they set out to do a good job on and in that it is a good movie. I can see why it was nominated and why Denzel is nominated and all that good stuff.

As for the rest of the post, there will be *spoilers* I guess, so if you just wanted to know my quick thoughts about Flight then stop here or don’t or snort a line of coke and drink 36 beers and a pint of Jim Beam like Whip Whittaker from Flight… I don’t know. I liked the movie, it’s everything you would want from the movie if you thought the trailers were good, and I think it delivers in the areas it needed to deliver in. OK?

Now, that that is out of the way…

1. Cocaine is a cure-all

While, being a drunk is the absolute worst in this movie, and I’ll touch on that later, being on cocaine is actually not demonized one bit. In fact, if you learn anything from this movie, you should learn that redeeming, all purpose, medical powers of snorting and smoking cocaine. In the first scene of the movie, Denzel is drunk as all get up and has been up all night drinking and sexing the sexy Hispanic from “My Name is Earl”. One would think that would mean he would be pretty shot to get up and fly a plane and you would be right, if there wasn’t a single line of cocaine to do. After one bump of coke, Denzel is ready to go like he got 15 hours sleep and a complimentary continental breakfast with grapefruits in him. Later, cocaine is proven to again be a wonder drug with Denzel. AND, cocaine is also given to a heroin addict to help balance herself out with the heroin because that shit is dangerous, but cocaine is the bandaid that fixes it.

Absolutely, nothing bad happens to Denzel when he’s on cocaine. But bad things do happen to him when he’s drunk. And most importantly, cocaine takes dopey drunk Denzel and turns him into suave straight Sidney Poitier Denzel.

2. Alcoholism is worse that heroin addiction

There’s a chick in the movie played by Kelly Reilly – you may remember as Watson’s wife from the Sherlock Holmes movies – who is a heroin addict in the movie and she gets over her heroin addiction almost immediately. She does heroin once in the movie and then never again and she never really has the itch to do it again. She also ends up going to an AA meeting to get help and they help her. I guess one can say that any addict can help any addict or that there are more AA meetings than other drug addict meetings, but either way – Denzel can’t shake booze, but she shakes the brown sugar in no time flat.

3. Kelly Reilly’s hair is stronger than heroin

As mentioned, this lovely redheaded lass plays a heroin addict in Flight about as well as Nicole Kidman played a janitor in “The Human Stain”. Both featured the exact same technique of transforming hotness into gutter trash by placing a standard temporary tattoo on their shoulder. Amazing. Kelly’s got a stupid spider tattoo on her arm and all of a sudden she’s not a model, she’s a heroin addict! … anyway, back to the point, Kelly’s fiery red hair looks immaculate throughout the movie. Whether she’s just woke up in her shitty motel apartment by the airport or overdosed on heroin or woken up in the hospital after an overdose and so on… her hair looks fantastic. You go, genetics.

4. Denzel’s dick believes in EOE for hot chicks

As mentioned, Denzel does this British chick Kelly Reilly during the movie. The movie starts with Denzel recovering from a night of banging Nadine Velasquez…

who is a hot Latina…

Later, Denzel’s ex-wife is revealed to be Garcelle Beauvais who is a beautiful black woman who kindly appeared in Playboy if you feel like seeing her naked.

So, white, hispanic, black – as long as you’re younger than him and hot. I was hoping there would be an epilogue where he was banging an Asian or something to really tackle all the big ethnic groups. Maybe a Chinese and an Indian chick… maybe a Tiger Woods like female chick and Denzel is just doing coke and doing her? Maybe that will be Flight 2.

5. Nadine Velasquez looks great naked

If you were wondering.

I mean one could probably assume the actress who played a sexy stripper on an NBC sitcom for several years would look good naked, and you would have been right with that assumption. The opening scene is Nadine strutting around ass naked for about 3 minutes and that scene should win an Oscar or at least should have been nominated for one in particular because those 3 minutes are better than all the minutes of “Lincoln” combined.

6. John Goodman is in every movie

Maybe John is in debt or fixing to buy an island or something, but Goodman is in every movie made nowadays at some point. If you watch any movie long enough, I’m pretty sure John Goodman appears in it. His character is good for him because it is comedic which he can do obviously (King Ralph!!!!!) but it’s also a “presence” character where he’s supposed to just walk in and take over a scene and Goodman can do that, he’s done it his whole career. And at the same time, I feel like Goodman was kind of playing The Dude from the Big Lebowski if he was playing that role instead of the other iconic role of Walter.

7. Give them dialogue or give them music

It’s the formula that certainly won over the world with “Forrest Gump” and director Robert Zemeckis uses it again in Flight. If Denzel/Gump are talking then you hear them talking, if they’re sad and sitting around then there’s the original score arrangement of a symphony, and if they’re not talking and they’re moving around doing stuff then it’s the greatest hits mix of classics from the 60’s and 70’s.

8. If you’re in a hotel, pick the lock of the adjoining room and drink all their booze

This I might want to try. I’m really not that big into actually stealing things in person. I’m more of an internet stealer where it’s just button clicks. But I am really good at picking locks. It is a knack I more or less perfected in college and never used for any bad deeds, but I’m quite good at it. I’ve actually done some good with it. I picked a friend’s apartment door when he locked his keys inside. I’ve actually done that a few times as well as done that for myself when I’ve locked my keys inside some place. Either way… in the movie, Denzel is in a hotel room and goes into the hotel room next door through the adjoining door and does so because God is a bit of a scamp in this movie and leaves the door unlocked. And then Denzel drinks all the booze in the impulse buy refrigerator. I’m 99% certain I could pick a hotel room’s adjoining door, so maybe I just sneak into that other room and take all that booze back to my room. Am I right?

Well, how about you try it first, tell me how it goes, and then I’ll decide to try it if you’re not hit with a bill or thrown into jail.

9. Denzel can still act

It’s not that I didn’t know this or forgot about this, but he just reassures everyone with this great performance. The old dog can still hunt. Denzel is turning 59 this year, which means next year he’ll be a sexy 60. I thought “Safe House” was watchable and “Book of Eli” is good for what it is, but it had been since 2007’s “American Gangster” that Denzel really stretched his legs with a character. The dude still has it. One scene that was great was Denzel in the hospital after he survives the crash and is all bandaged up and all you can see is half his face and he’s talking to Bruce Greenwood. That was a good scene right there. There is some fine work throughout the movie.

Denzel definitely deserves the nomination. I don’t think he’ll win. I think it is pretty much wrapped up for Daniel Day Lewis to win… even though I think Joaquin Phoenix should win. Speaking of Joaquin, I think he should have also won best actor for “I’m Still Here”. I don’t know if that movie would have been in the 2010 or 2011 Oscars, but he should’ve been nominated and won either year. Colin Firth’s speech impediment and Jeff Bridges acoustic guitar can take a back seat to Joaquin Phoenix in the greatest Andy Kaufman role that even Andy Kaufman couldn’t have done.

10. My girlfriend hates me for making her watch FLIGHT less than a week from us flying somewhere

I’ve been forewarned that this lovely lady…

… will squeeze my fingers until they break if there is turbulence on our flight this coming Sunday because of this movie.

We’re going to St. Thomas for a week next week and I may have broken fingers on that vacation. Might need to google St. Thomas and free health care or something.

I liked the movie. It was certainly enjoyable.

I thought the stuff with Kelly Reilly was a little forced and un-needed. She’s nice to look at and it gave you a break from Denzel from time to time, but it really wasn’t integral to what was going on.

I firmly believe all movies should now start with Nadine Velasquez being ass naked and walking around and only clothing herself in a thong. Or at least the Oscar nominated ones.


One Response to “10 Things I Learned From Watching “FLIGHT””

  1. Your girlfriend needs a wax.

    Aside from always immaculate hair, Kelly also had the perfect smokey eye all day, every day. Like, it didn’t matter if she was crying begging for heroine, overdosing on it, or hanging out at the hospital, it was just flawless eye makeup 24/7.

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