KSWI Presents – Kick Her While She’s Down: Taylor Swift “Trouble” Edition

March 11, 2013

Guten tag, lay-days!

It’s been awhile since the last lyrical breakdown post and I’ve been talking Sisqo lyrics this morning, so it seems apropos that I do a musical lyrics post about my un-understanding of them.

Today, we’ll be discussing Taylor Swift’s “I Knew You Were Trouble”…

Generally speaking, I think Taylor Swift is like Arnold Schwarzenegger in “Last Action Hero” and some kid with a golden ticket stub pulled a real life Disney/fairytale princess through the silver screen and now she’s running around America singing pop songs about choosing the wrong boyfriend(s). Some say, I should’ve referenced “Enchanted”, but I haven’t seen that movie, so I don’t know how they came out of the movie screen. Either way, I think Taylor Swift secretly can talk to blue jays and sunflowers bend towards her when she walks by and her hair smells like a morning rainbow on the Spring solstice and she pees honey.

It seems like I can’t go on a website these days where Taylor Swift isn’t mentioned. I wish I didn’t even have an opinion on Taylor Swift, but for fuck’s sake she’s everywhere whether she’s meant it to be this way or not. Specifically, I’m referring to everyone saying that she said that Amy Poehler and Tina Fey are going to burn in Hell. Wowzers, right?

Honestly, I skimmed through some articles about that. I also don’t care whether she has a 100 boyfriends, gets broken up with or breaks up with them, and writes a million songs about it. Who am I to judge? I listened to pop punk and emo music for a solid 4 years of my life. What were those songs about? Girlfriends and ex-girlfriends and none of them were the equivalent of Jake Gyllenhall. I’m 99% sure that the first 3 “Saves the Day” albums are all about one break-up and at the very least I still listen to one of those albums still to this day and that was just good ole’ Jersey high school break-up angst.

Either way, it was wrong of Taylor Swift to say Amy and Tina should or will burn in Hell… because of that joke. If Tina is going to burn in Hell it is probably because “30 Rock” stopped being funny after the second season and her movie career is less funny than leprosy. As for Amy, well, I guess the whole Will Arnet thing sucks. Burn in hell worthy? Probably not. Her role in the movie “Baby’s Mama”? Probably burn worthy, which Devil Tina was the creator and star of as well. BURN YOU TWO, BURN!

And at the same time, who knew Katie Couric had quotes to quote?! Besides Couric showing her asshole and everything inside of it on TV, I can’t think of anything else she’s done. That awkward Sarah Palin interview. So, that’s two things. Either way, who knew she had quotes like the vitriol of women burning in eternal hell fire for not helping other women. If that’s the case then there are so many women going to burn in Hell. Just check twitter during any episode of Teen Mom, Teen Mom 2, anything involving the Kardashians, an awards show of any kind et cetera. It kind of seems like that the cool table in the afterlife will be Tina, Amy, and every chick who has ever wrote for a blog in the past 3 years all burning in Hell while Taylor Swift and Katie Couric laugh and laugh and laugh… which would mean they’re not helping those women and thus they will be burning in that Hell as well.

Interesting paradox!

Let’s move on to the song… and what the fuck is Taylor singing about?!

Once upon a time a few mistakes ago
I was in your sights, you got me alone
You found me, you found me, you found me

John Mayer? Harry Styles? Freddy Kreuger? Michael Myers? This is not starting off promising.

I guess you didn’t care, and I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard you took a step back
Without me, without me, without me

Didn’t care? Didn’t care about what? Didn’t care about her? Didn’t care about her ex-boyfriends? Didn’t care that she was Tay Tay Swift?

And when she fell hard, he took a step back? Is this literal? Like a trust fall that went horribly wrong? I’m guessing it is metaphorical, but if the first thing you can think about a guy is that he’s a loner who doesn’t care then you shouldn’t expect him to catch you when you fall. What fall by the way? As far as I know, the only pitfalls in Taylor’s career have been her relationships, which have all turned into number 1 pop songs.

And he’s long gone when he’s next to me
And I realize the blame is on me

You’re right about that, Taylor.

As mentioned, if you’re categorizing someone as someone who “doesn’t care” and then you expect them “to care” then you’ve fucked yourself in the ole’ puss on that one.

‘Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I’d never been

This is brilliant. First and foremost, if this is about John Mayer then it doesn’t take a fucking rocket scientist to know that the guy whose sole reputation is star fucking as he gets star fucked with a huge smile from his huge mouth then yes he’s “trouble”. Especially, if you’re a starry eyed teenager who thinks gang bang, dropping n bombs Mayer is going to take you on picnics.

But the brilliance is the second part of “flew me to places I’d never been”. Yeah? Where the fuck did John Mayer fly you? Follow-up, you’re a filthy rich mega star – fly your fucking self somewhere and find someone who does “care”. For a self-titled feminist, I would think you wouldn’t need a man to fly you any place considering you have the means to do it yourself and on top of that would want someone who isn’t known for tearing through half of People magazines 30 hottest celebs under 30.

But what the fuck do I know?

‘Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I’d never been
Now I’m lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

Fuck a pilot.

Seriously, pilots can fly you to places. They can do it themselves and/or they get insane discounts on flight tickets, so they can fly you around like that too. Plus, pilots don’t care about shit! Have you seen “Flight”?! That’s like 50% of pilots. The other 50% are living double or triple lives with multiple families and all the ascending and descending altitude has completely distorted their internal processing of emotions and they can’t care even if they cared to care, which they don’t.

So, in the end, Taylor’s big feminist moment is to lay on the ground crying trouble, trouble, trouble like an OCD Lena Dunham after she found out that her boyfriend who didn’t care actually doesn’t care and the only reason she liked him was that he took her on some trips?

Not to say I wouldn’t man-whore myself out for a glorified travel agent, but I also wouldn’t lay on the ground saying “double, double, toil and trouble”.

No apologies, he’ll never see you cry
Pretend he doesn’t know that he’s the reason why
You’re drowning, you’re drowning, you’re drowning

Well, jokes on you, kiddo, HE DOESN’T CARE!

Again, if this is about John Mayer then he honestly cannot care about Taylor Swift’s feelings while he’s neck deep in Katy Perry’s teets. It’s like going into one of those sensory deprivation chambers. You can’t tell whether your eyes are open or not!

Now I heard you moved on from whispers on the street
A new notch in your belt is all I’ll ever be
And now I see, now I see, now I see

Yep.

That’s kind of what a guy who “doesn’t care” would most likely do. Also, if the trade was sex for frequent flyer miles then what’s the big deal?

He was long gone when he met me
And I realize the joke is on me, yeah!

Seems like an oddly placed “yeah!”, but I’m not the song writer.

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I’d never been
‘Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I’d never been
Now I’m lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

Not that you have to really “relate” to the music you listen to, but is this at all relatable for anyone out there not named Taylor Swift or some other chick celebrity?

Or are girls relating to Taylor Swift on a really low budget metaphorical level like a girl from “Buckwild” thinking that her dude who took her to the Arby’s across town that she had never been to is similar to a famous rock star being taken on plane flights by another famous rockstar. If that’s the case then I can really see why Taylor and girls like Taylor need to worry about other girls helping them BECAUSE THEY NEED A LOT OF FUCKING HELP.

C’mon! You throw your stank at a guy who you admit you know isn’t going to be sticking around then when he doesn’t stick around you get all cry baby about it. That’s not actual “trouble” and that’s not something that people shouldn’t be allowed to make fun of. I mean, I show up to ABC television’s brilliant obstacle course show “Wipeout” and the first time I get clubbed in the fucking face with a foam paddle I start bawling my eyes out yelling “trouble, trouble, trouble” well then I would be called a weeny. Nothing more or less.

I think it boils down to how long can someone play “I’m just an innocent young girl who doesn’t know any better” card? She’s 23. The song came out last year. So, 22? But the reality is that she’s writing or having songs written for her to sing to girls who are like 14. So, in that, she’s open to be made fun of because she’s representing herself as a stupid kid, but she should be past the stupid kid phase of life and if we treat you as a stupid kid then that’s what you get.

Plus, no one is above being made fun of.

And the saddest fear comes creeping in
That you never loved me or her, or anyone, or anything, yeah

See… this is the shit that deflates whatever shit she thinks she’s saying. The guy who doesn’t care who you knew was trouble never loved you? NO FUCKING SHIT. We’re not talking rocket science. We’re talking about you boning John Mayer – John “I called Jessica Simpson’s vagina as addicting as crack” Mayer – and then a week later you crying to yourself that he doesn’t love you. No fucking shit.

And if you didn’t bone him… if Taylor didn’t bone John Mayer… then of course he didn’t love her and is even more of a reason why the relationship ended as quickly as it did. And in that case, you’re not even a notch in his belt, you’re kind of a waste of his time. If she’s looking to bang chicks and you don’t bang him then you serve no purpose. Also, if he’s flying you around to places you never been and you don’t bang the fella then that’s just bad manners. I mean what are you doing to earn these trips? That’s what I’m wondering. Is it sparkling dinner conversation? If that’s all John Mayer wants then John Mayer would be much more suited in flying around me or possibly Melissa McCarthy and her husband Ben Falcone because I’m sure we’re much more amusing than Taylor Swift.

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I’d never been
‘Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in (you were right there, you were right there)
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I’d never been
Now I’m lying on the cold hard ground
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble
Oh, oh, trouble, trouble, trouble

I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Trouble, trouble, trouble
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
Trouble, trouble, trouble

Blah blah blah…

I do like the song though.

Yep. I’ve listened to this song dozens of times and I haven’t really listened to the lyrics.

I try to stay away from listening to lyrics. I let them wash over me and try not to think about them at all because usually lyrics are fucking stupid. Not every Neil Young song has meaningful lyrics, so how on Earth is Ne-Yo or Bruno Mars going to write anything worth thinking about.

My advice for getting some respect, Taylor. Either deal with other people like an adult would or stop caring what people say about you because you’re rich and famous and you’re young and hot and you’re going to be that way for at least the rest of your 20’s.

3 Responses to “KSWI Presents – Kick Her While She’s Down: Taylor Swift “Trouble” Edition”

  1. PWG said

    So much good stuff here. I like the “trust fall gone wrong” metaphor. Or non-metaphor, if that’s what really happened. That would be the perfect way to describe her music.

    I wish heartbroken people would do something besides lying around on the cold,hard ground. That’s just masochistic. Get the fuck up, heartbreak-ee. If not into a hot bubble bath with a bottle of liquor, at least get your ass into a fluffy bed with snacks and wifi so you can post Photoshopped pictures of your ex on Facebook.

    Zees sent me this link last week: http://jimllpaintit.tumblr.com/

    I think that guy would be the worst guy in the world to break up with. His MS Paint skills are unparalleled . . . absolutely lethal. Oh my God, after probably a year or more I worked a Twilight reference back into this blog, ha ha.

    Am I the only one who wants Taylor Swift to date even more people and then write breakup songs about them? Who would you rather break up with, Taylor Swift or Carrie Underwood? Carrie’ll take a goddamn baseball bat to your truck. Miranda Lambert would probably shoot you in the face. Good Lord, Taylor, haven’t you ever heard the original “The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia” by Vicki Lawrence? She did that to a chick who wasn’t even cheating on HER!!!

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