I’m Announcing All My Decisions With White Smoke

March 14, 2013

Hay-lo, womenz and menz.

I’m writing a post today – white smoke!

I’m eating a turkey sandwich for lunch – white smoke!

Second thought – white smoke! -, I might make myself a tuna melt – WHITE SMOKE!

So, we gots a new Pope.

This changes absolutely nothing in my life. Well, I guess before I got to say Nazi-Pope when someone mentioned the Pope every 9-15 months in my life that the Pope is actually mentioned. Now, I can still say Nazi-Pope, but I won’t be as severely accurate as I was prior.

I’m guess I’m supposed to be all thrilled that the Catholic church elected a Jesuit Pope because I went to a Jesuit university… uhhhhhhhh… sure. That makes me as thrilled as when a team in a sport that I don’t watch wins and their team colors just happen to be the same team colors of some school I attended once.

I’d be a lot more excited if they had announced a Pope who might change the Catholic religion into something that isn’t archaic and shameful. But hey, that’s asking a bit much, isn’t it?

I do find it funny that the last Pope aka Nazi-Pope looked so much like Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars and his affiliation with the Nazi party made him an evil Pope. And now we have a new Pope and everyone seems happy about it, but he doesn’t look that much less villainy. I was told some people think he looks like Jeffrey Tambor from “Arrested Development”, but I also thought he looked like Batman super villain Dr. Hugo Strange…

I guess minus the beard.

It’s really those glasses and the bald head and my negative connotations of people who have a job that didn’t help a single person during the Holocaust. But hey, whatevs! Forget and forgive, right?

What else?

I didn’t post yesterday – WHITE SMOKE! – because I had to get my car inspected – White Smoke! – and I also went grocery shopping – WHHHHHHIIIITTTTEEE SMOKE!!!!

As for getting my car inspected, I was in line with two Corvette convertibles of about the same approximate year and I found that hilarious. I don’t really know why, but I guess I just find it funny that there are people out there who are buying these cars and they need to get them inspected at a DMV just like the Soccer Moms in their Chrysler Town & Countrys.

As for the grocery shopping, I did learn that the Stop & Shop on route 10 is the local business people hang out for lunch. It was a feeding frenzy at that salad bar in there. You’d get your fingers bit – chomp chomp! WHITE SMOKE!

Anything else?

Miley and Liam split.

Liam’s not-Thor? Right? I get them confused in the name department. I know which one was Thor and was not-Thor.

Honestly, I thought they were an interesting couple. He seemed pretty together and she seems like a fucking loose cannon. And in that, I thought that deep down Liam was sort of a reformed loose cannon and he fell in love with a loose cannon and there was something there. But whatever.

She’ll continue to be a loose cannon and probably shack up soon enough with some other shitty “country” singer or maybe a DJ and he’ll go off and marry a supermodel. I mean his brother did it, his brother Thor.

Football is going ape-shit.

There has been a torrent of firings and hirings in the NFL just as there always is around now.

Some sound good and some sound bad.

Probably the best one I have seen so far has been Denver getting Wes Welker. I think that was an excellent move by Denver. They grab an excellent receiver who can truly revolutionize their slot receiver position, which Peyton definitely uses. At the same time, they take away one of the greatest weapons their enemy, the Patriots, have known. So, win win. Wes averages at least 10 catches a game which is amazing, but when Denver plays New England soon enough I’m guessing Wes will pop off for like 100 catches and/or play as the greatest decoy ever and the other wide receiver tandem of Black & Decker will catch 100 passes each. Who knows.

The rest of the moves are interesting, but I’m not sure I would say good or bad yet.

Reggie Bush to Detroit is definitely better than what Detroit had previously, but who knows if Reggie is the right fit per say. I like Matt Stafford, but he’s a home run passer and likes to chuck the ball all the way down field, so that might not work for the new running back. Also, that team needed a coach change and they didn’t get it. Reggie is seemingly walking into a locker room that is really heading off the rails.

Mike Wallace to Miami is a good pick up. I like Mike Wallace a lot and I think that Miami can definitely use him well. As many have stated, it’s tough many times to get players who just got lucrative contracts to actually live up to them, we’ll see what Mike does. The thing with Miami is that they have a history of signing big name players. Specifically, they signed Brandon Marshall, Reggie Bush, Karlos Dansby and so on and none of those signings really changed the team that much for the better. We’ll see if Wallace is different. They always can be different and this Miami team does have a different coach nowadays, but still… the team has signed big name talent before and continued on the same road following it. Maybe these big signings are the answer, maybe they’re not.

The Dolphins signed several other players and some are more interesting than others. The Wallace one is the best one by far. I like Dannell Ellerbe in that I like pronouncing his name Dannell Ellerbe – it’s funny to say. But I don’t know how much of that contract he’s really worth.

On the flip-side of all this, the Baltimore Ravens have lost 6 of their 22 starters from the Super Bowl. That’s pretty incredible. They lost Ray Lewis and Matt Birk to retiredom. They lost Ellerbe, Pollard, Kruger, and Boldin to free agency. Most people are declaring the Ravens dead in the water. We’ll see. I think the Ravens are not slated for much of a Super Bowl or even Playoffs run this year, but they are one of the better drafting teams in NFL history, so in a couple years I’m sure they’ll be back in the saddle.

I feel like they’ve lost some pieces, but most of those pieces weren’t cornerstones for that team. Matt Birk and Ray Lewis were cornerstones, but they retired and they gave the Ravens more than the Ravens could have ever asked for.

What else?

Workaholics is a funny show.

Nathan For You is also funny.

The UFC has fights this weekend.

I’m going to call a British man on the phone right now. Hopefully, he feels talkative. Hopefully, he picks up the phone.

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