Hey, Mike Rice, take a chill pill, am I right?

April 3, 2013

If you’re wondering, Mike Rice is the recently-made former head coach of the Rutgers University men’s basketball team… and…

That is apparently what “basketball” practice looked like under Rice’s dutiful leadership.

I’m not sure how that possibly could have passed for good or proper or even bad coaching. It’s literally him whipping basketballs at college kids indiscriminately. Hell, I can do that! Hell, I’ve done that!

I thrown basketballs at people who didn’t “deserve” it before. I’ve thrown plenty of things at people – footballs, dodge balls, soccer balls, baseballs, lacrosse balls, racquet balls, yoga balls, snowballs, ice balls, bottles (glass, plastic, filled, unfilled), loose change, rocks, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures, tons of action figures in general, water balloons, fruit, a few oranges, and I’ve been known to throw few sexy looks as well. YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYING?

Anyway, it doesn’t seem like gainful employment as a head basketball coach for well-known collegiate university in New Jersey is cemented by one’s ability to whip objects at people for no good reason other than you’re a lunatic and an overrated coach.

Honestly, Rice has a losing record as Rutgers’ coach and an even worse record within Rutgers’ own conference, so the guy should be fired for sucking at his job. Not to mention calling the players “faggot” and trying to bean them in the leg with a basketball as well as yank the back of their shirts.

Besides how much a crazy person Mike Rice looks in the video. It’s even funnier to see how it is not motivating those kids AT ALL. Not in the slightest. They just look depressed about it. It’s like a person who has been beating a joke to death and that death was 15 years ago and they’re still trying to make that joke funny. When he hits the one kid in the calf with the ball, the kid’s look isn’t of anger or appalled at this – it’s more like he’s on “Double Dare” and he just finished wiping away the green gak from his safety goggles so he could see and then got doused with more phlegmy liquid.

I think Rutgers’ interview process should be something like this…

1. Can you make this team .500 in general or in its own conference?

2. Are you a total psycho?

If they answer “yes” to the first then he might be a crazy person, so that’s why you ask them the follow-up and if they say “no” to that then you know you have a better basketball coach than the last one.

Bon voyage, Mike Rice.

We hardly knew yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


2 Responses to “Hey, Mike Rice, take a chill pill, am I right?”

  1. I bet he’s a lot of fun to be married to.

    Kudos to Rutgers for coming clean and getting rid of the asshole instead of just trying to hide it for, like, a decade or three or four.

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      Everyone on ESPN is making that comparison and trying not to at the same time. I mean Mike Rice was being a dick to the kids, not trying to get his dick into the kids.

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