LET’S MAKE FUN OF CELEBS IN FANCY CLOTHES – MTV Movie Awards – RED CARPET

April 15, 2013

Whaddup, gals and gents.

I had a pretty great weekend.

Danielle and I got a free meal at a fancy country club on Friday night with our friends. It was one of those nights where you’re eating on someone’s company’s account and everyone orders an appetizer as well as an appetizer to pick at in the middle of the table. Desserts even though you can still feel some of the grilled pork chop stuck in your esophagus.

The next day we Danielle’s fam then we saw my fam and then we ate ourselves stupid at one of our favorite restaurants down the shore called ‘Clementines’.

Sunday was more relaxing and ended up going to a friend’s barbecue for the Masters.

Before I get to the post…

Mad Men – Interesting episode. More of the same. Pete couldn’t handle cheating the first go around and he screwed it up this time too. Don can handle it and continues to and has contemplative moments when no one is watching. Peggy is doing Peggy. And there was one obligatory Christina Hendricks moment, so we could see Christina Hendricks.

Game of Thrones – While getting one’s hand cut off is never good unless you’re in ‘Evil Dead’ or a zombie infection is running up your fingertips, I don’t think the show has properly sold the audience on why losing Jamie’s right hand is so Earth shattering for him. It’s a physical issue obviously, but it is a philosophical life ender for Jamie. Also, the people who cut off his hand – the Boltons – are not at all explained in this show. And, their love of maiming and torturing is not properly explained as why they would do this and how premeditated it is. And, I don’t even want to get into how glossed over Mance Raydar’s character is/was in Jon Snow’s storyline. Mance is an enigmatic character who challenges Jon Snow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually… and he’s just a charismatic bastard in the books. In the show, he’s the dude who played Caesar if you watched “Rome” and that’s about it. Whatevs… at least we got some nudity in this episode.

VEEP – Flawless. Best show on TV.

So…

While the music world is actually celebrating music in California, the Music Television network is giving awards out to average-at-best Hollywood movies. Makes sense, right?

Before I get to the red carpet pics…

COACHELLA

NEVER-NUDE!!!!!

The people of Coachella just love cutoffs. Love ’em. That’s pretty much the only fashion guide you need for Coachella. Wear cutoffs. It’s more or less an outdoor music festival in California where the hippest youngins get to dress like rednecks when it is 100 degrees out. A Budweiser t-shirt, a snapback John Deer hat, and a pair of cutoffs and you’ll fit right in.

Anyway…

RED CARPET HUSSIES

I saw some other article say in a surprising manner how sexy or whatever Selena looked… listen up, she wasn’t hired to writhe around in a bikini for a whole movie because she wasn’t sexy. She’s got that cherub-like, “Toddles & Tiaras”-like innocent face, but from like last year until like I’m 60 she’s going to have a sex symbol style body. Unless she starts spending weekends with me eating hushpuppies and cheesy shrimp toast.

I would like to apologize to the world for helping to make this person famous. It took me I believe 5 seasons of that TV show to realize that I never needed to watch another episode. I think they have 6 seasons, right? I never watched a single second of the last season. I haven’t watched the spin-offs. I wish they would just go away just like people did when the show first started.

I only slightly know who “Big Ang” is and Kim is turning into “Big Ang”.

GET THAT DEMON BABY OUT OF YOU!!!! It’s ruining the sexy big assed Jasmine we all knew and loved. Or I loved from afar while never watching any of your numerous television shows.

Kerry Washington kind of does no wrong in my book. This almost looks like a queen bee outfit. It could be easily modified into a sexy queen bee cosplay outfit with the addition of matching gold/yellow wings. I’ll just pretend that’s what she was thinking or the designer or whomever.

My first reaction was “Fuck you, Heroes ended a hundred years ago and that show sucked”, but then I remembered he’s in Star Trek and my reaction has changed to “Fuck you, J.J. Abrams – you’re to blame for me seeing HIM in THAT.”

Now we know what Kesha wears to funerals. Is Kesha in mourning? Someone should check on Kesha, but I bet she communicates in a made up language like Jodie Foster in “Nell”, but it’s got a lot more cursing. I also thought this was Taylor Momsen at first because of the goth-ness of it all and then realized that I can’t see this person’s nipples in this pic, so that immediately rules out Taylor Momsen.

Is Chloe lost?

Is Chloe peg-legged?

Someone should keep her away from the people like Kesha and the Lohans and the Bynes. It’s a slippery slope showing up to one MTV movie awards dressed in a denim romper and next year having cheek piercings and graphically propositioning the wheelchair kid from Degrassi to murder your vagina.

I don’t know what is going on with her feet, but it’s kind of freaking me out.

Also, I believe Melissa is wearing sweatpants. Actually, this whole outfit would have looked a lot better or at least more appropriate on MC Hammer circa 20 years ago. The chains and the genie pants would have been perfect.

She’s a funny lady and talented, but for fuck’s sake hire someone to dress you and if you do have someone who is dressing you then set fire to that person’s car with that person trapped in it and then hire someone else who doesn’t put you in sweat pants or some of those horrendous dresses you’ve been in.

What the shit is that by her other leg?

Not the leg that is not in the dress, but the leg in the dress that seems to have a thinly veiled preview window and/or mesh netting.

In movies, Zoe looks pretty and strong. In real life or at these red carpet events, she looks thinner than a mannequin and a quarter as sturdy.

Kylie Minogue?

What movie was she in?

I really like Anna Camp’s acting career so far…

First, as the hot blonde who blew Don Draper in the back of a taxi on Mad Men.

Second, as the hot blonde who threw-up in Pitch Perfect.

I’m thoroughly excited to see what happens next with her hotness and her acting oral fixation.

Who?

And he’s dressed like Justin Bieber four years ago.

Oh God…

Kim looks even more “Big Ang” like in this picture.

And, Kylie looks even more like Kim pre-pregnancy. I won’t say anything more in fear of the police and what they do to people who talk too much about 15 (yes, 15) year olds.

In some ways, I like that Joss Whedon didn’t dress up for this stupid awards show.

At the same time, it looks like they dragged this dude out of bed for a public appearance with the very same public that made his shit movie make a bazillion dollars, so maybe dress the fuck up for the people that pay your bills.

Brittany Snow – looking good. Looking like she’s going to a dance or something.

Didn’t recognize her at first with the bright blonde/straight hair.

I feel like someone should rip those shoulder things off. Although, I guess that’s really the only difference between this dress and probably a million dresses one could buy for a reasonable price at a store. Although although, then you could just buy your own blue dress and staple some weird things to the shoulders and you would be a fashion designer for Brittany Snow.

Minus the jacket, that’s a totally normal outfit.

I feel like someone said that to Snoop as he was walking out the door and Snoop was like yeah, I’ll just throw on my fire engine red fur coat to spice things up.

Let me just do something here…

14.

15.

Just saying…

I hope they fucked.

Also, I hope whoever is making the next vampire franchise is taking notes – this is what they should look like.

Journalist.

I may not agree with Fox News on almost every subject, but there is one subject I most definitely agree with them on and that is Carrie Keagan having fabulous boobs that should be on TV doing something.

I don’t know who this is, but I’d bet you $1,000,000 that she could get an on-air job on Fox News in less than an hour.

No CV needed.

My only “real” issue here is with her right sock.

HOW THE FUCK IS THAT RIGHT SOCK NOT PINK?!

I don’t know what the creative dynamic is between this guy and his DJ Ryan Lewis – I think his name is Ryan Lewis – but the more I listen to these songs of theirs, I feel like the DJ should get the credit and not as much this guy in the cape and matching suit.

Sure.

At best, this chick will be a footnote for wearing this outfit and this outfit will be remembered in one of those slideshow galleries highlighting the worst dressed at the MTV Movie awards 10 years from now.

I don’t know what’s going on, but he looks uncomfortable and my eyes were instantly drawn to his crotch, which makes me feel uncomfortable, but not that uncomfortable considering I did watch Blue Mountain State and much of that show was about his crotch or his naked body in general.

I’m just desensitized I guess by it.

And that kind of sums up these awards show red carpets in general.

I hope you have a great weekend.

What’s up.

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2 Responses to “LET’S MAKE FUN OF CELEBS IN FANCY CLOTHES – MTV Movie Awards – RED CARPET”

  1. 15?!

    Blue Mountain State Guy looks like he’s frozen mid-step after realizing his leg is asleep and is awkwardly holding that position until the pins and needles stop.

  2. blizznick said

    ahh..laughing so hard… love your award show red carpet recaps! Thanks!

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