April 16, 2013

What it is is what it ain’t, am I right?

So, let’s get down to brass tacks, Jamie Foxx looks stupid in The Amazing Spider-Man 2.



Why does he look so stupid?

Does Electro normally look this stupid? Because I know Jamie Foxx normally doesn’t look this stupid.

Do you know what Jamie Foxx looking this stupid reminds me of? The stupid Frost Giants from Thor. Those were some stupid characters in a stupid movie. And this looks similarly stupid. Does stupid electricity make you stupid blue? Probably because it’s stupid.

Electro normally is in a green and yellow spandex suit with a big yellow headpiece that looks like a star of yellow lightning bolts. That sounds stupid and looks pretty stupid. But it’s funny because painting a person blue sounds stupid too and is actually more stupid considering it’s not anything like the stupid one already knows. It’s a new brand of stupid. Why blue? Because it’s stupid.

When I see a stupid blue person, I think one of three things:

1. They’re dead and were possibly frozen or something stupid.

2. They’re alive and have stupid ice powers.

3. They’re excellent at drumming and are mute.

There’s a possible 4th expectation that if they had stupid tiger stripes as well to their stupid blueness then they’re from stupid Avatar.

None of what I said means stupid electricity powers. But what would I expect from a stupid movie sequel to an original stupid movie.

If you’re wondering about the stupid plot of this stupid movie…

In The Amazing Spider-Man 2, opening in theaters on May 2, 2014, for Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield), life is busy ā€“ between taking out the bad guys as Spider-Man and spending time with the person he loves, Gwen (Emma Stone), high school graduation can’t come quickly enough. Peter hasn’t forgotten about the promise he made to Gwen’s father to protect her by staying away ā€“ but that’s a promise he just can’t keep. Things will change for Peter when a new villain, Electro (Jamie Foxx), emerges, an old friend, Harry Osborn (Dane DeHaan), returns, and Peter uncovers new clues about his past.

Stupid Peter hasn’t forgotten the promise, he’s just not kept the promise and completely ignored it as soon as the stupid dying father said it. Also, Peter never said he would keep that stupid promise. Peter just stupidly stared at the stupid dying father and then stupidly started crying like the stupid idiot he was. Stupid. But the stupid dying father was really stupid to think for even a second that stupid Peter and his stupid daughter Gwen were not going to be stupid together.

Gwen is stupid and was wet from the moment go over absolutely all the stupid stuff that Peter did or didn’t do throughout the movie. Does stupid Peter talk? Barely and that made her wet. When stupid Peter does talk does he say anything worthwhile? No, stupid Peter only says stupid things and stupid Gwen got all stupid wet about it. Did stupid Peter save her stupid father’s stupid life? No, stupid. Nevertheless, stupid Gwen doesn’t hold that against stupid Peter who she knows is stupid Spider-Man who stupidly failed at saving her stupid father.

So, stupid Peter is being stupid and stupid Gwen is dripping out of her tiny skirts and throwing her stupid self and stupid Peter is too stupid to react one way or another and just stupidly stands there accepting stupid Gwen’s dry-humping.

That’s their stupid relationship.

And for fuck’s sake what is with the stupid amount of stupid commas in the final sentence. So, right there it shows that this stupid movie will be more about their stupid selves being a stupid couple than it will be about stupid Electro and stupid Harry. And, how is this any different than the original Spider-Man trilogy besides how much more stupid it is? Harry starts as the villain in the second one as well.

On top of that, there are rumors that Paul Giamatti might play Rhino, which sounds stupid.

Ugh… this is all so stupid. Hollywood is stupid. Electro? Rhino? Harry? Stupid.

Do you know what is not stupid?


Or goose, gooses, geese. They’re badass motherfuckers. Look at that goose punk the shit out of that gorilla. Oh you think you’re so badass gorilla? I’M A GOOSE! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!





  1. PWG said

    Did you already cover the Josh Brolin remake of Oldboy? Will it be stupid?

    • kristenstewartwantsit said

      It probably will be stupid.

      I don’t think there is a trailer out. I’ve only seen a poster.

  2. NixHaw said

    Yep. My Dad has a healthy respect (read fear) for geese, instilled in him as a young boy who was violently abused by those winged terrors. Well, that’s what he says anyway.

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