April 18, 2013

Hello, coconuts!

I had a detailed dream this morning, which I think could be a decent romantic comedy.

So, I opened up the glamorous “text edit” program and typed out as much as I could until I needed to make coffee to keep my eyes open and HERE IT IS!

It starts at a 20 year high school reunion.

The main guy has lived a decent but more than not lonely existence as an adult. He has a job, has some friends, is single, had some rough break-ups, and lives an hour from where he grew up.

The main girl has lived a wild life, been divorced, has two kids, and lives in Oregon. The oldest of her two kids is 15 years old and has had medical conditions since he was born. He’s filled to the brim on medications and smokes medical marijuana to ease the pain.

The main guy has loved the main girl since they were in 1st grade, but never did anything about it.

They both end up at the reunion. From his perspective, he’s talking to his friends and they’re joking about since he’s the only single one should they play wingman with so and so who looked hot in gym class as a sophomore. Isn’t she married? They’re in a trial separation period, which means she’s ready to take a trial run at separating her legs for someone else besides Jeff, am I right?

He says something about how he wishes the main girl would show up. They’re like you’re still hung up about her. She showed up to the reunion with another guy? They broke-up! That girl disappeared. Disappeared? She lives in Oregon. How do you know all of this? She’s on Facebook and Twitter. You follow her on Facebook and Twitter? Of course, I do. It’s a free country, you can follow anyone you want.

They say she won’t show up. Then she does.

He hangs at the bar waiting for her to come up and get a drink. He’s had several. She comes up to the bar all smiles, but they go away in a flash and she seems somewhat sad. He turns from I’m going to hit on you to genuinely concerned.

She recognizes him. They talk for a minute. He asks her why she’s said. She says how honestly life didn’t pan out the way she wanted or expected and these types of gatherings of people who knew you back when you wanted a different life make you remember that. He says he knows exactly what she means. She sees one girl and that reminds her of that she was going to do this and she didn’t she never tried.

She asks him what it reminds him of. He responds that I loved you since the first day we met and I wanted my life to be defined by marrying you. Both her and the bartender are taken a back. It snaps her out of her sad head space.

Are you married?
Do you have a condom?
Do you remember where Mr. Grenkee’s biology classroom was?
Do you want to meet me there in 10 minutes?
I’ve waited…
Yes or no?

The two of them go opposite ways. The bartender says to the other bartender, they’re going to go fuck in a classroom. Reunion’s are so fucking hot.

They do have sex in the classroom. Partially the way through it, someone knocks on the door. It’s a chick they went to school with who is acting like they’re in authority. The main girl with her clothes draped over her to cover her up goes to the door. Listen, ____ this isn’t like when Mrs. Wojahowsky caught ___ ____ blowing ___ ____ in the auditorium in 8th grade. We are two consenting adults and we’re fucking. Now, get the fuck out of here before I get my rape whistle and stun gun from my purse and taze your bratty ass back to 1989.

The two of them talk afterward. They go out to get dinner. They discuss life and remember school and go through what he remembers of her. And so on.

She tells him he should come and visit Oregon.

He goes back to work and tells them he’s taking a week off. They say that it is company protocol to give some notice. He tells him that it is love. The boss is like who fucking cares. He spends the rest of the day yelling it’s for love at the boss, which makes the rest of the staff all teary eyed emotional. They harass the boss with printouts saying it’s for love with shitty clipart pictures of heart and so forth. The boss finally says ok.

Main guy goes to Oregon and shows up at her house. She’s in the middle of getting her kids ready for school. He meets the kids who kind of pretend he’s not there.

He’s just so giddy about seeing her. She seems giddy about seeing him too.

Soon as the kids leave, they have sex. Afterward, they get high. He asks her if that is ok. She says the stuff is programmed to work for only 4 hours, the kids won’t be back for 6. He asks about them smoking/using her kids marijuana, she says it’s Oregon they give you enough of the stuff to smoke yourself to death. They talk about the kid and how he’s actually one of the coolest kids in school because they go to one of those schools where the kids actually rally around him instead of pick on him and beat him up. Kids are so wise these days. Some of them. Some of them photoshop pictures of you sucking dick and post them on Instagram. Still pretty smart, it took me two summer courses to learn photoshop.

They talk about how he’s masturbated about her thousands of times. The conversation evolves into throughout her life span when would have been the best times and the worst times for him to have had sex with her.

He ends up spending the week with her and then having to fly back.

They end up having a lot of intense personal conversations about marrying each other, one of them moving, having another kid.

She would marry him, but it would be a small service. She wouldn’t move. Her life is in Oregon and she’s not uprooting anything. She’s not having another kid, she’d do adoption.

He gets angry about all of this because it’s all about him changing his life for hers.

While having my coffee, I headed over to IMDB and started looking up birthdays.

One graduates high school at 17 or 18, right?

So, if we’re setting the movie now and not in a distant future with CPU chips planted in our brains and Tom Cruise fighting aliens with laser rifles for reelz, then that would mean they were born in 1976, 1975, or around then.


In the dream, the main chick was a redhead. And ’75 has some great redheads. Also, I’m flexible on red hair, but I’m just saying – she was a redhead.

Looking at these actresses, even though they all could easily have a 15 year old kid – they look so young to me still.





  1. kristenstewartwantsit said

    I realize I say “Oregon” a million times in this post. The dream did mention Oregon, plus I can’t think of too many movies if any that take place in that perfectly nice state.

    Although, Colorado could also work or Washington. Fuck, California because every movie is there.

    • The Goonies took place in Oregon and obviously that can’t be topped so the film industry has just given up on the state.

      As for casting: probably Tara Reid and 50 Cent.

  2. NixHaw said

    “I loved you since the first day we met and I wanted my life to be defined by marrying you.”

    Why Jordan you old romantic you! Seriously. That is a great line.

    So start pitching son! I wanna see this movie!

    Well, okay, so finish writing and then start pitching. I wanna see this movie!

  3. PWG said

    Needs more vampires.

    I’m kidding.

  4. Dedra said

    Good day! Do you know if they make any plugins to safeguard against hackers?

    I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve
    worked hard on. Any tips?

  5. Nice movie I also want to see this movies

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