HAPPY BIRTHDAY to CHRISTINA HENDRICKS and her BOOBS!

May 3, 2013

Hello again,

Obviously, judging by the title of this post, today is a day of celebrations for the lovely redhead known as Christina Hendricks and for her even lovelier boobs known as OH MY GOD I BELIEVE IN GOD NOW BECAUSE I HAVE LAID MY EYES UPON THEE AND THEY’RE GLORIOUS.

Oh, hello there, do you like my purse? It goes perfect with my boobs.

All my purses go perfect with my boobs.

Any purse from any time whether it was created or just a purse dream goes perfect with my boobs.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CHRISTINA and BOOBS!

Christina Hendricks turns 38 today and looks amazing as always. I wouldn’t guess that she was 38. I would think younger.

As for Christina’s heavenly boobs? I would guess they were of an infinite age, a timeless being that exists outside of the conventional theory of time and more so have just always existed will always exist like an electric current of pure happiness that keeps each and every living thing’s heart pump from one beat to the next. Am I the only one who thinks that?

I didn’t know it was Christina Hendricks’ birthday nor her boobs’ birthday until I was on IMDB before. I was looking up something else to write about, but everything else just feels depressing in comparison to celebrating the birthday of Christina Hendricks and her boobs by Google image searching them.

I call this work of art – “premature ejaculation”.

What I was planning on writing about was how much I do not want to see or even think about seeing Iron Man 3?

Good Lord, and by Lord I’m referring to the boobs above, do I not want to see Iron Man 3. I was thinking about how I have had to listen to or read people questioning plot holes of good movies, in particular the Christopher Nolan Batman movies. People wondering how Batman had the time or the proper gear in his Bat-plane to make that flaming Bat sign on the Gotham Bridge right before the end encounter in The Dark Knight Rises.

Really? You’re wondering about that?

In Iron Man 1, Tony Stark is held prisoner by a group of terrorists in a cave after nearly dying during their kidnap of him. In said cave while be a said prisoner of said terrorists, HE CONSTRUCTS A 10 FOOT METAL SUIT THAT HAS A FUNCTIONING FLAME THROWER. If Batman squirting some oil or whatever onto a bridge and lighting it on fire is seen as a plot hole then what in fucking Hell are we going to call that lapse of any form of logic from Iron Man 1.

Better yet! That part of Iron Man 1 is from the part of the movie people think is good – if not great. Yep!

HOW INSANE IS THAT?!

IT’S LIKE THEY ALL WENT CRAZY!!!!!!

….

..

.

There we go.

That’s the stuff.

Ok. I’m calm again.

You know that one of those digital cameras with the facial recognition technology would think her boobs are someone’s face… and they would be right…

THE FACE OF GOD!

Uhhhhh… I’m reading three faces. We’ve got that hot redhead from Mad Men – which I watch, but I’m kind of not in love with anymore – then there’s this ancient woman like a mummy or an undead or a The Walking Dead… hahahahah… I must have AMC on the brain. And, then there’s the Almighty God Yahweh resonating from between that woman’s chesticles… life is beautiful.

– end scene –

I’m not planning on seeing Iron Man 3. I saw the other 2 and that is a regret I live with and hate myself for each and every day. The first one was stupid from beginning to end – despite what some claim. Fans of the movie generally say that the first half or 2/3’s was great and it was the end with Jeff Bridges that was bad. Those people are filthy liars who have holes in their brain akin to ecstasy users. As for Iron Man 2, that movie got worse and worse by the second because it was still continuing. It was horrible. The first movie makes no sense. The second movie makes less sense than no sense. It makes negative sense. It makes everything around it make less sense. It’s a blackhole of sense. It removes sense where sense once was and replaces it with a vacuum of sensible thought.

And those are the two movies that warrant a THIRD movie. And you know what’s funny, it’s getting worse reviews than the other two. So, the idiots who actually gave the first two movies good reviews are actually not liking this movie, so one can only assume that watching the third movie may be a criminal action against oneself. Yes, you should be arrested if you see Iron Man 3. You shouldn’t serve jail time, but you should be forced to pay a fine to humanity as well as sit in a scummy jail cell long enough that you have to use that open air toilet in the room.

I have a theory about why Christina Hendricks allowed herself and her boobs to get married to her husband Geoffrey Arend.

It’s a pretty obvious theory that Christina Hendricks has incredibly poor eyesight from sunlight reflecting off of the unblemished porcelain white surface of her boobs. So, she has no idea how pretty she is versus how he looks like he’s from a different species.

Nothing against Geoffrey, I too am a member of the same subset species and am simply pointing out how unlikely it is for our kind to trick her kind into a legally binding sexual relationship. He’s a hero in our world. And if I ever met Geoffrey, I would salute him with tears in my eyes like he was General George Washington just returning from slaying the demon headed British red coats and making American free once and for all time.

Enough about Iron Man 3 and me not seeing it…

I was going to mention the very odd news, which has been weirdly reported on several websites that Disney hired a personal trainer for Carrie Fisher to get her into shape for Star Wars VII.

Ugggggggghhhhhhhh… why?

I get “why”, but why?! Do we really need to see a 56 year old “in shape” Carrie Fisher?

It just seems weird that they’re going out of their way to try and get Carrie Fisher hot again in her mid-50’s for what is the unwanted 7th installment of a kids movie. Am I the only one who thinks that’s weird?

Just CGI her or something. Who cares? How much of the movie is she even going to be in? When Abrams did his reboot of Star Trek, Leonard Nimoy is in it for about 10 seconds. Better get Carrie Fisher “in shape” for that.

I’m getting depressed thinking about all of that…

This is either the best or worst advertisement for Johnny Walker.

Best – Boobs.

Worst – No matter how much I look at this picture, I never notice that there is Johnny Walker in it.

I don’t really understand celebrity endorsements of products in general. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something because a celebrity endorsed it. I mean I’m happy that Christina Hendricks and her boobs are getting work because I enjoy seeing her and them, but why would this make me want to drink Johnny Walker? Am I buying this scotch in particular because it will get me a date with Christina Hendricks or a woman like her? Are Jessica Rabbit-like curvy women attracted specifically to a man who drinks Johnny Walker? Like magnetized to them. Like they’ll come and find me. I buy a bottle and drink it at home and there’s a knock on the door with a Christina Hendricks look-a-like on the other side?

OR is it that when I drink Johnny Walker that I will think about Christina Hendricks and/or the supporting cast of any/all of Russ Meyer’s movies? Have a glass of smokey Johnny Walker blue label and think about the boner inducing boobs of some of your favorite chesty actresses. Blue label – it will give you blue balls.

Either way, I don’t really like Johnny Walker.

If a person for whatever reason was inclined to buy me a bottle of Johnny Walker, I’d much rather them do one of three things with it:

1. Just give me that money – I’ll buy myself a bottle of scotch with that money that I actually like.

2. Give that money to charity – Because awwwww… and make sure to put it under my name.

3. Use that money to buy high quality prints of Christina Hendricks photos – and of her boobs.

Are you staring at my boobs?

Join the club of everyone else in the entirety of humanity.

Happy birthday, Christina Hendricks and Christina Hendricks’ boobs.

I hope you has a great weekend.

I’m hoping that to Christina Hendricks, her boobs, and to you reading this. Just to clarify.

A lot of times, I say “I love you” at the end of these posts and I’ve further realized after writing this post that boobs are love… so…

I boobs you.

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One Response to “HAPPY BIRTHDAY to CHRISTINA HENDRICKS and her BOOBS!”

  1. You’d think at some point I’d get used to seeing them and they’d be less “impressive” over time. But it’s been years and my eyes still bug out every time.

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