MAD MEN, I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down

May 8, 2013

Whaddup, genteels, genitals, and gentiles!


So, everyone is probably watching live coverage about the kidnapping and rescue of the women in Cleveland. I watched for a few minutes and the stream was lagging and the in-house reporter was trying to get the on-site reporter to talk about the sex dungeon style trappings the kidnapper had laid out because, honestly, that’s what our sick minds want to know about. We want to specifically know how he and his bros Law & Order SVU-ed these three women for the past decade. And, I don’t really want to see the live TV sensationalism in that regard and would rather wait a few days when they have something to report and read about it in a nifty list on Buzzfeed. Top 37 weird things Castro did to the kidnapped women or whatever.

Instead… let’s talk about MAD MEN. Before that, if you feel like listening to Charles Barkley talk about playing on teammates with gay players his whole career and him not giving a flying fuck about it then …– … I wish more people shared the same sentiment and tone that the Great Mound of Rebound has when he talks about this “issue”. Some have shown support for Collins and the idea of gay players in the league, but they say it in a way that makes it sound like they found out that Collins was diagnosed illness that he has to deal with and that they’re fine with him having and being in the same locker room with him. One’s reaction, I think it should be either WHO GIVES A SHIT AND SCORE SOME POINTS or Congratulations for coming out, gay people are cool with me because I’m not a bigot, NOW SCORE SOME POINTS.



Well, it’s been disappointing in its sameness and lack of anything else-ness. It has been a lot about Don Draper so far and Don’s not doing anything all that interesting. I liked the beginning of the season premiere a lot where it seemed like Don was just watching his life go by instead of taking part in it like he has commented before. Now, he’s kind of really just falling ass backwards from one thing to another without any net of a plot or character arc that I feel like we’re supposed to be following.

I half-expected from the season premiere that Don’s story was going to become like Tony Sopranos’ story from the beginning of the Sopranos that he was going to have a real fear of death. I think I would’ve liked that. Don truly hampered by fear and Don falling into panic attacks. Fear of death, fear of failure et cetera. Instead, the focus on death from the first episode completely disappeared by the end of the episode and it was revealed he was just fucking the guy’s wife. Fair enough. In that, Don is even more like Tony Soprano than I was expecting and is just a lead character that continues to do what he does no matter what with no real consequences and everything continues to fall into place around him to continue doing what he does. Unless that is the greater plot of Mad Men that shit keeps falling into place in some people’s lives that they are stuck in their never ending cyclical structure from birth to death and are content in it, but never truly happy… then lets move this show to HBO so we can get some nudity in it at least because if the conclusion is that there is no conclusion then I need some temporal gratification to enjoy the ride with no payoff.

And that’s why I’m ok with “Game of Thrones” on HBO to a degree because of that – I don’t know where the fuck that is going and I’ve read the books, but it does a decent job mixing in daily pleasures like blood letting, boobs, and an occasional dragon sighting to keep me interested.

The rest of the characters on Mad Men? BORING. Good Lord. I thought Don was boring, but the rest of them take the cake. Roger is boring. Cooper is never seen. Harry is boring, if you even know who he is. Ken is boring. Peggy is boring and she’s getting some decent screen time. Is she going to fuck her boss or not? That’s the only storyline we got for this broad? SERIOUSLY? You make her the smartest and most creative gal in all the lands and the real storylines she’s been apart of is sleeping with Campbell and hiding a baby from him, sleeping with Duck and hiding that from everyone, she’s sleeping with the weird hippie guy in a shack in pre-gentrified Manhattan, and now she’s planning on sleeping with her boss. OH WAIT! I forgot a storyline… she also almost slept with a woman. That happened to. Remember when Shoshanna from Girls played a lesbian friend to Peggy’s current boyfriend? Yeah, no? Who knows.

Pete? It might be interesting if this wasn’t the same thing they’ve been pushing since season 2. Pete tries to cheat like Don, but it always backfires. Congrats, Don. You’re the king of dicking women behind your wife. That’s why you’re the hero of the show. And pencil necked Pete is the villain because no one appreciates it when he cheats on Alison Brie because IT’S ALISON BRIE YOU MORON HOW CAN YOU CHEAT ON THAT WOMAN!

Christina Hendricks? Or I should say, Joan? All I can remember of her this season is being called a bitch and a whore – that’s it. She was a bitch to the secretaries and was called a whore in that episode. Then in her second story appearance this season, she made out with a dude who more or less just sat in her lap while her friend made out with another guy because she just wanted to “hook up” with a guy. Anything else? I don’t remember her doing anything else… oh wait, she did remind all of us that she did sleep with the guy from Jaguar for money. Not that her other storylines were all that much better – slept with a married man who was also her boss, she married a guy who went on to rape her, and who later abandoned her and then when he came back she didn’t want him back. So, that’s pretty coo.

Betty? She dyed her hair. Fucking brilliant.

The kids haven’t done dick this season. Oh Billy is messing with the wallpaper? I’m sure that storyline will payoff in 10 years when Billy is an OCD-ed freak at college and has to be put in a mental ward, but Ronald Reagan shut those down or whatever nonsensical tie in to random history.

That I guess leaves us with Megan who is a famous actress all of a sudden and must have a worse ability at understanding time than a dog does because Don goes out for a pack of smokes, ends up at Linda Cardellini’s apartment, bangs her for however long chock full of Don saying things like “No, leave those shoes on because I’m going to bang you so good in those shoes that every time you see those shoes you’re going to think of me banging you so good.” Hey Don, when you go buy cigarettes, are you purchasing them in a whore house because you come back reeking of sex and you’re sweaty and disheveled like you were banging a married woman with shoes on. Also, you smell exactly like the perfume that my married friend Linda Cardellini was just wearing in the previous scene. Ain’t that weird?!

That leave us with the cuckold neighbor doctor Mr. Rosenblumblatfieldbergreenstein or something.

He’s the only one with a character or a change in character. A man so dedicated to his work that he once cross-country skied through the streets of New York City to go do a surgery or some such has now renounced his surgerical license if there is such a thing. He wanted to do such great things in this world and be the first to do a thing with another thing and now people in Houston are doing it and he’s tired of sitting on the sidelines not doing that surgery thing he wants to do so badly. And… I’m guessing he’ll find out soon enough that his wife has a new hobby of masturbating using Don Draper’s penis. So, that guy should be the star of the show. He’s got some issues.

Either way… the show is still “cool” in that they all dress really nicely and the women all look gorgeous and the men look like studs and I wish I could cavalierly drink whiskey through out the day and get paid for it while having convos with my co-workers about how hot the new secretary is. Sounds like Heaven with a capital H.

Nevertheless, I’m going to be happy when this show finally comes to an end. I don’t think I would’ve said that while watching season 1, 2, 3 or 4, but between last season and this one – I think I’m ready for it to end.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: