How OLD Is TOO OLD For SCARLETT JOHANSSON?

May 16, 2013

Hello to all my cinnamonnies and chicharronitos,

Today, we’re going to discuss the age of the love interests throughout Scarlett Johansson’s acting career.

Let’s get the givens out of the way, this is what Scarlett Johansson looks like:

Scarlett is 28 years old and was born November 22, 1984.

Scarlett has been acting since she was like 10. And, as she’s grown up and gotten quite hot, Hollywood has seen fit to pair her with men who are disproportionately older than her. Scarlett’s not the only one in this situation with odd pairings, I remember I did a post about Marisa Tomei’s unlikely suitors in movies as well.

I know you might be thinking – didn’t this guy make a list of men and women over 60 that were fuckable? Yes, I did. And, I believe I was called crazy throughout all of it. Either way, I’m just pointing out age differences and how commonly someone who is a regular love interest in movies like Scarlett has a love interest who is usually a lot older than her.

I think it’s pretty common to watch a movie or a television show and see the heterosexual couple being prominently featured as the leads and think to yourself – she’s way too hot for him.

It happens a lot on sitcoms where the male main character is some former comic and now he’s matched up with this smokeshow and they either never address it or they spend the entire length of the show trying to explain it. A lot of “Modern Family” is spent trying to make excuses for why Sofia Vergara would be fucking and procreating with Ed O’Neil. Or other shows like “Curb Your Enthusiasm” had Cheryl Hines opposite Larry David and never addressed anything, meanwhile she gets cast a few years later on “Suburgatory” and she’s strutting around like she’s Playboy model.

Anyway, yesterday, I read that Scarlett Johansson is in talks to be apart of Jon Favreau’s new movie Chef which is lead by Robert Downey Jr. It would be an “Iron Man 2” reunion with all three working together… it would also be a reunion of Scarlett Johansson playing a potential love interest to Robert Downey Jr.

Sure, sure, sure – age is just a number. For Scarlett and Robert, that number is 20. 20 being the amount of years that separates their ages. If you’re unfamiliar with how this works, that would mean that when Scarlett Johansson was BORN that Robert Downey Jr was filming scenes for the movie WEIRD SCIENCE.

Couple that with… I’ve also been reading a lot about the new TV shows coming this Fall. One of the TV shows that will be debuting on CBS features James Van Der Beek and Kevin Connolly who are 36 and 39 respectively. Meanwhile, their “friends” on the show will be played by three chick actresses – Majandra Delfino, Zoe Lister Jones, and Brooklyn Decker – who are 32, 31, and 26.

Friends? A 39 year old Kevin Connolly is FRIENDS with a 26 year old Brooklyn Decker? Or a 32 year old or a 31 year old? Maybe he’s playing Brooklyn’s MUCH OLDER brother. Even that would be ridiculous. How many people do you honestly know that have 13 year older sibling? I can think of a couple, but in comparison to the rest of the people I know who have siblings that’s WAY OFF. Usually, a friend or a sibling is not 13 years older and we’re usually not talking about a physical difference of Kevin Connolly and BROOKLYN DECKER.

So, back to ScarJo

Born in 1984, remember?

Immediately, I can think of multiple people who are much older (and much less attractive) than Scarlett who played her love interest in a movie. I think one can easily do this for most if not all actresses. I think Scarlett is a pretty solid example with her fame, looks, young age, and sample size of movies.

I’ll preface this with saying that I have not see all of Scarlett’s movies, so I’m mentioning the ones I’m pretty sure to fairly positive or whatever about. You’ll see. I’m also going to do this in chronological order setting the way back machine to 2001…

THE MAN WHO WASN’T THERE (2001) – BILLY BOB THORNTON

Ol’ Billy Bob (1955) was 46 years old when he got road head from a 17 year old Scarlett in this Coen Brothers movie. This was one of the first examples that came to mind. It’s her idea as well to blow him. I believe they also play the piano together.

GHOST WORLD (2001) – ?

I don’t remember Scarlett having a love interest in this, but if you do then by all means. I was pretty bored with this movie, honestly. Isn’t Thora Birch into Steve Buscemi?

EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS (2003) – ?

Never saw this, just wanted to mention it though. She may have had an appropriately aged suitor for all I know in Ghost World and this movie. I don’t remember either. She does play Kari Wuhrer’s daughter in the movie, which is actually pretty appropriate as far as attractiveness, but that would mean Kari was 17 when she had Scarlett – preggers at the prom.

LOST IN TRANSLATION (2003) – BILL MURRAY and GIOVANNI RIBISI

She’s newly married to Ribisi who is 10 years older than Scarlett, but she spends much of the movie either in her underwear sulking or chasing around the 1950 born Bill Murray. So, by that math, Bill would’ve been 53 and Scarlett 19? Yeesh. She was playing a bit older as a recently graduated philosophy major, so she’s like 22 in the movie. Some may try to argue that Bill is not a “love” interest and to those people I say – shut it.

GIRL WITH A PEARL EARRING (2003) – COLIN FIRTH

Mr. Darcy was born in 1960, so a solid 24 years older than Scarlett.

THE PERFECT SCORE (2004) – CHRIS EVANS?

I never saw this movie, but I’m attributing Chris Evans as Scarlett’s love interest. Chris is only 2 years older than Scarlett and will continue to be the most “age appropriate” and probably “looks appropriate” match for Scarlett. He is also I believe a love interest in another movie of hers that we’ll get to in a bit titled “The Nanny Diaries”. I know at the very least he takes his shirt off and I think talks about her butt if I remember correctly from the trailers. That’s close enough for a love interest, right?

A LOVE SONG FOR BOBBY LONG (2004) – GABRIEL MACHT

I’m certainly not going to try and argue that Gabriel is a good looking dude, great looking even. He actually pulls the scruff off real well in this movie. I like this movie and you don’t have to worry that the silver haired-Jabba the Hut/John Travolta is not a “love interest” for Scarlett. It is the 12 years older Gabriel who is the love interest. Scarlett would’ve been 21 and Gabes just around 33. Oddly enough, Gabriel (like Chris Evans) plays a love interest in a later movie in her career… a much much much much much worse movie.

A GOOD WOMAN (2004)STEPHEN CAMPBELL MOORE

Never seen this, but judging from the description Scarlett tries to jump this guy’s bones. Stephen is actually only 5 years older than Scarlett.

IN GOOD COMPANY (2004) – TOPHER GRACE

Actually, a big fan of this movie. Probably one of my favorite movies featuring Scarlett. And, Topher is only 6 years older than Scarlett. That’s kind of apart of the storyline too with him being a married and soon-to-be-divorced man and her being in college at NYU if memory serves correctly… she’s also his co-worker’s daughter. Actually, he’s the boss of that guy. And that guy is Dennis Quaid who I could actually believe is Scarlett’s dad with the lovely Marg Helgenberger as the wife/mother – which I would also believe.

MATCH POINT (2005) – JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS

JRM which kind of sounds like “germ” is 7 years older than Scarlett. Sure, he was one of the prettiest gay faced men that could ever be cast across Scarlett, so sure Woody Allen did a decent enough job with that. Ok?

THE ISLAND (2005) – EWAN MCGREGOR

He’s an attractive guy – not debating that – just saying he’s 13 years older, which is like an 8th grader.

SCOOP (2006) – HUGH JACKMAN

Yeah, Wolverine is a good looking dude. We’re at least getting attractive men. He’s an attractive man who is 16 years older than Scarlett – that’s a kid with a driver’s permit or legally able to drive on their own in some states. I’m just pointing out that when Scarlett was 22 years old, Hugh was 38. I’m just saying.

THE BLACK DAHLIA (2006) – JOSH HARTNETT?

I didn’t see this, so I’m just guessing he’s the love interest. He’s 6 years older than ScarJo.

THE PRESTIGE (2006) – CHRISTIAN BALE

Christian is 10 years older than Scarlett. I know that Hugh Jackman originally pays for Scarlett to go to Christian. I can’t remember if they have any fornication. For the most part, Hugh is pining over Piper Perabo in that movie. Either way, Hugh is 16 years older.

THE NANNY DIARIES (2007) – CHRIS EVANS?

As I mentioned before, I think he’s the love interest. Never saw this movie. He’s 2 years older still.

THE OTHER BOLEYN GIRL (2008) – ERIC BANA

Bana is 16 years older than Scarlett. Bana is also going after Natalie Portman who is 13 years younger than Bana. Actually, as far as the reality of the plot of that movie, Scarlett and Natalie are too old to play the Boleyn sisters and Bana was too young and not fat enough. But whatevs. I’ll give this movie a pass.

VICKY CHRISTINA BARCELONA – JAVIER BARDEM and PENELOPE CRUZ

Bardem is 15 years older and Penelope is 10 years older. I will say that this makes more sense though in terms of context. Scarlett is running around Spain and hooks up with a married couple, which in fact Bardem/Cruz are married. What I will say is that I didn’t like this movie and the lesbian scene or lack there of between Scarlett and Penelope is one of the biggest lies in pre-movie-hype history.

THE SPIRIT (2008) – GABRIEL MACHT

Still 12 years older.

HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (2009) – BRADLEY COOPER and KEVIN CONNOLLY

Connolly was mentioned earlier and that ginger hobbit is 10 years older than Scarlett, while Bradley Cooper is 9 years older.

IRON MAN 2 (2010) – ROBERT DOWNEY JR.

They don’t do anything together and RDJ is pretty loyal to Gwyneth Paltrow as far as I remember. I think he does flirt with Scarlett, but he flirts with everybody including Jon Favreau as his bag man Happy Hogan. And she seems into him maybe more for the fact that she’s trying to recruit him to be a member of S.H.I.E.L.D. so I’ll give this a little bit of a slide, but as mentioned they will apparently be love interests with their 20 year age gap in Favreau’s “Chef”.

WE BOUGHT A ZOO (2011) – MATT DAMON

A solid 14 years older.

THE AVENGERS (2012) – JEREMY RENNER

13 years older.

HITCHCOCK (2012) – ?

Didn’t see.

DON JON (2013) – JOSEPH GORDON LEVITT

JGL is 2 years older.

So, what’s all of this mean?

Well, it could be the reason why Scarlett Johansson went crazy and started shacking up with Sean Penn who is 24 years older than her. I don’t remember when they dated, but there’s a potential chance she may have only been 24 years old when she was dating Sean Penn.

She did date Ryan Reynolds who is only 8 years older than her.

Didn’t she date Benecio Del Toro (17 years older)? WHY DOES MY BRAIN REMEMBER THIS BUT NOT OTHER THINGS?!

It seems about average for Scarlett’s male love interest to be a decade older than her.

Just thought that was interesting.

 

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2 Responses to “How OLD Is TOO OLD For SCARLETT JOHANSSON?”

  1. PWG said

    I may have just realized I’ve never dated younger. Now that I’m married to an older man, I have to assume that opportunity is gone for good. The gap with the Mr. is 4 years, for what it’s worth.

    More disconcerting is seeing the hot actors of my youth doddering around on screen and at the awards shows. Thank God for Johnny Depp, who never shows his age and isn’t combing over.

  2. Leila said

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