JUNE MOVIES!!!! CAN’T BE WORSE THAN MAY MOVIES!!!! JUNE MOVIES! – PART 2
May 31, 2013
I know I’m late with this. I was writing something for the UFC and I got distracted by the internet after I finished the writing and forgot to come back here and tell you all about the rest of the crap coming out in June.
I’m going to do an abbreviated lightning round style round-up of this crap. I mean there’s a real possibility that the only way you’ll see any of these movies is if someone drugs and kidnaps you and their end game is to get you to see one of these movies.
Well, except for Monsters University. Chicks love Pixar.
Let me answer for you – nope.
Oh shit, I forgot to ask the rhetorical question!
Do you want to see Elijah Wood as a serial killer in a remake of a 1980’s movie?
Now, I’ll answer for you… NOPE.
Yeah, you’ll see this.
I know you will.
Don’t pretend like you won’t.
WORLD WAR Z
Did you read the book? Did you like the book?
Well… FUCK YOU!
This ain’t about that book. It’s about something almost completely different.
Also, why is Brad Pitt on his knees? It’s not like this wasn’t a photoshopped picture. Couldn’t they have had him standing and photoshopped him into this photo from a scene that never happens in the book?
A BAND CALLED DEATH
I will see this.
I actually bought from iTunes the album that these guys made way back in 1974 that has been secretly passed around for years. It’s like $7 and is amazing.
Basically, way before the punk movement was “started” there were these guys and they were fucking shredding like MC5 on their best day and they named their band Death because that’s amazing. Check it out.
Do you like vampires? Of course, you do.
Do you like over the top style? Of course, you do.
Do you like Gemma Arterton’s milky white heaving cleavage? Of course, you do.
Do you like Saoirse Ronan? Of course, you do.
Are you going to see this movie? Probably not.
No, it’s not “Heat” – the incredible 3 hour movie that never gets less amazing every time you watch it. No, this is “The Heat” – the action-comedy starring who gives a fuck and what the fuck’s her face and you won’t see it and neither will I.
DID YOU SEE “FAST & FURIOUS 6” YET?!!!?!?!?!?!
Oh man, how great was it when Jason Statham showed up?!!?!?!?!?!?!?
I really wish James Wan wasn’t directing Fast 7, but what can you do.
Either way, no one is ever seeing “Redemption”.
I’ll probably never see a second of this, which means there’s a 99% chance you will not either.
There are some beautiful women in this movie though who have other work you should watch…
Kristen Bell – Veronica Mars
Zoe Kazan – Ruby Sparks
… errr… I don’t know those next two…
Emily Watson – Punch Drunk Love or The Proposition
WHITE HOUSE DOWN
HOLY FUCK THIS LOOKS TERRIFIC!
Errrr… I mean TERRIFYING.
This looks like it could be the worst movie ever produced.
What a shit month of movies.
I HOPE YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!!!!!1111!!!!11!!!!